Some days are harder than others. This was one of those some days. I was coming back from getting some pictures made to send him. And on my way to the post office to pick up some "Love" stamps, cause I'm almost out. And I don't know if it was the calculation of how many I'd need to get through this deployment, or there was a song on the radio. I don't know what started it, but I started bawling, big heaving sobs while I was driving.
Enter the post office eyes red, swollen and brimming with tears, cheeks blotchy, nose red & runny, and said, "May I have some "Love" stamps, please?" The woman at the counter took one look at me and said, "Awwwww, sure, honey." Sigh.....
I made a project to help us both. I bought 2 packs of sleeveless t-shirts and washed them in our fabric softener so they smell like home. I wore one with one of my favorite perfumes, Butterfly Flowers. I wore another with a perfume Daddy bought me, Carried Away. And the last, I took a long soak in all the yummy lavender stuff Daddy buys me, and wore that. I sealed each one in two ziploc bags to preserve the scent. The other three shirts, I'm sending to Daddy and asking him to wear them & send them back to me.
I'm so sorry that you're separated from your husband, but I want you to know I have the utmost thanks for the service he provides to our country!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think that's a really neat idea about the t-shirts:).
Love,
Kitty
Thanks, Kitty. I feel... I dunno, weak, weepy and whiny. I should be able to do this. Lots of women do. He loves me, he gave me tools I alternate between feeling so full of him , and feeling totally empty because he's not here - he's in the great 'out there' but I need to see him and touch him and taste him and feel him. I think the shirts may help us both. I wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him... I hope it gets better after the first mail exchange.... well a little better anyway, lol.
ReplyDeletethanks again for your kind encouragement, I'll send your wishes to Ward.
Love,
June
Hey, I think it's normal to feel what you're feeling. I don't view you as whiny or weak or weepy...not at all! On the other hand, I'm the one that hates for my Daddy to be gone for even a day. I feel so ashamed when military wives such as yourself have to deal with much longer separations than I ever have. Please don't feel ashamed of missing your Daddy!
DeleteI'll be praying for you!!!
Love,
Kitty
Thanks, Kitty,
DeleteI just want him to be proud. I know he'd say, it's okay, love, you just need your Daddy. And I do. I'm not ashamed of missing him, I'm ashamed of....being fussy and whiny and weepy - sigh
hugs & love,
June
*Big ginormous cuddlehugs*
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you girlie. Like Kitty said, I can't deal when Monster is gone for more than a few hours past his normal "away" time. I can't even fathom the...pain, I would feel if it were an extended amount of time. You have my respect, both of you, for the distance and strength between the two of you. Him for his service to this country and you for your service to him.
I'm always here sweetie, whenever you need me.
Thanks, my friend, yesterday & today - feels like a huge gaping chest wound. And I don't feel like I'm being of much service to him, 'cause he needs me to be strong - and you know the drill - sometimes you can't bee 100% honest AND be strong at the same time. I'm not letting any distance in, I'm still loving him hard, and I DID tell him I cried, just not how much, know what I mean? Knowing him, though, he'll know. He's magic. I'll tell him you said hi :)
DeleteThanks, I appreciate it - hugs - you & Monster may find an overnight guest on your porch at - oh about 3 this morning, lol.
My husband spent the first eight years of our marriage in the Army. I did alot of fussy and whiny and weepy. It's all part of the ups and downs. I thank both of you for the sacrifices your making for service to our country. Don't be so hard on yourself. A good cry is needed every so often. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteThanks very much, Jacquie. I am so much harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. Daddy gets on me all the time for it. Bless you, too, for your eight years.
DeleteThat's the rub - I always hold back, so it's just like a little pressure cooker. Just enough tears so I don't explode. I need him to give me that release, to guide me past the point of letting go. But maybe tonight after the boys go to bed I'll just be very quiet and feel him, and see if I can let him take me there.
Thanks so much for your kinds words and support. {{{hugs}}}
So sorry..I know how it is to be trying to be strong but not feeling strong at all. I love the shirts idea. It's healthy to take action when you are feeling this way. ((((hugs))))
ReplyDeleteThanks, Stormy, ((((hugs)))). Stinks - he's my strength, you know? [that was rhetorical, I know you do :-)]. Thanks, just want something with his essence, his scent. Course I'll look like a freak walking around sniffing into my plastic bags - but I don't care....no, Officer, not huffing, honest - it's Daddy scent!
DeleteJune,
ReplyDeleteI understand where you were. My husband did 6 1/2 six month cruises during our marriage. We survived it, but it was awful, especially once we had children. Good luck with future deployments, if you plan on your daddy continuing in the military to retirement.
Thanks so much, Anonymous - we're waiting for news from a detailer right now. That will decide whether he reups or comes out. It takes a toll on a family, and we struggle so much without him. Yes, it is pretty much survival and nothing more. Thanks so much, it's nice to be understood :) I'm glad you made it out with your sanity!
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