The Price of Selfishness

                                                        
I'm sure the title seems rather ominous to folks, but June and I felt that it was important to talk about the high price of selfishness in DD/TTWD relationships. What is selfishness? Well, it is our belief that selfishness is something that can manifest itself in a number of different ways, but before we get to all of that let us see if we can define it.


                                                


sel.fish
adjective  - Devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's on interests, welfare etc.

                                                    

 It becomes easy to see why this is a negative, but it also paints a clear, honest picture of the need for both HoH and TiH to be cognizant of their actions and motivations. Words spoken offhand, doing some of the same old things we've always done, or just dismissively not hearing the words that our partners speak are not just dismissive, but clearly selfish, and in this discovery we must determine the course(s) of action to grow closer, stronger and more affirmative to the needs and desires of our partners.  As an HoH I realize that my life and the direction of all of those under my roof must be positive, and this positivity must be catalyzed by a fair amount of love and sacrifice.  Turning off the tv, following a conversation (even when I am tired), spending time teaching and playing with my sons, and giving her an opportunity to be heard... I said sacrifice before but honestly it really isn't for me, by being unselfish and attending I gain so much more than I would have by napping on Saturday afternoon, or by watching hours and hours of sports. No, I can be better than that for my family and I can be better than that for my June.  I guess when I think about it that way it's not so much of a choice, it is the right thing to do and I honestly find that when I make the right choice the day goes so much smoother.

                                                              


Selfishness is also a two way dance and as surely as an HoH can be dismissive and ignorant of fruitful communication and familial growth, so can a TiH.  Talking over her HoH, being unconcerned about things that are important to him, being dismissive or downplaying his words, or by saying nothing and later being resentful that something wasn't handled just the way they would do it... these are all small examples of selfishness that can cause a great deal of harm and slow or damage growth within a healthy relationship. Encouraging open honest dialogue, and giving her my undivided attention, making eye contact, having an open, but solid posture, these things, and my own personal demonstrations of love, attentiveness, and tenacity allow June to see me for who I am and what I desire, need, and crave from our relationship and these same ideas also allow me to see to my June's needs with a happy, engaged heart.

                                          

We find as we do these things, the desire to give of ourselves to each other only grows greater with time.  There isn't a day that goes by that we don't think of ways that we can improve our service to each other and our relationship.  As a man, I find it pleasurable to find ways to give my wife, my lady,  the attention, care and effort that she needs and deserves. It also thrills me that she never fails to give me the kind of care and love that I have needed for the longest time.. It is a true privilege to call her mine and a true honor to be hers.






                                              

                                            
Her POV: 

My Daddy honors me with his words. And he honors me every single day, in every single look, every touch, in the seemingly small considerations, that to me, are immense. I have never been important to anyone before. I have never had the reciprocity that he shares with me. I have always given, thinking that someday it would be returned, some day someone would see the heart in my service and I would become important. That never happened till the day I sent an email to tell a man that his words touched me. From that very moment I have been treated with the most extraordinary care and kindness that I have ever known.

I love him. Purely and honestly love him. It is at once simple and as profound as anything I have ever experienced. I pour myself out on him, but I am never depleted he is continuously filling my heart. It is my joy to be of service and in service to him. I try to always be conscious that he is my heart, and he is committed to being my soft place, my safe harbor. I try to give him the same, with every ounce of intent. I try hard to remember that things do go wrong, but he is not my enemy, he is the one I can always turn to. He is the one that will always have my hand. He is the one that will always do what it takes to make it right. Even when it isn't easy. No matter how hard it is. No matter how tired he is. No matter if there is a program on tv that he has been waiting months to see. He is there, and he is my leader. He stands before me, fighting for us. Do I owe him any less?

He makes his efforts strong and committed and consistent. We hear a lot in blogland about problems caused when our HoH's are not consistent. But I would challenge: How consistent are you in your submission? How consistent are you in showing him your respect? We are equally charged with giving our best and most consistent efforts.

Is that always easy? No, it's darn difficult sometimes. Sometimes we are are the end of a stressful day with children, work, house, laundry, school problems. Sometimes he is tired. Sometimes he says things that may be irritating, or hit you the wrong way. Those are the times I take a breath, close my eyes and see with my heart who this man is to me and what is his due as my husband, as my man, as my leader, as my partner. He used to get frustrated with that moment, now he understands that I may be challenged and working through to my best self. And he gives me that grace. And I remember to give him that grace when he has a moment as well, perhaps gently sharing that he was a bit short. And then we grab hold of each other's hands and give each other the grace of forgiveness. And with that we grow and flourish. That's pretty awesome.

Strength and Softness and Balance

                                                 

 Strength... The word has defined my life.  I understand it deeper all the time, and I respect it's something that I have had to have all of the days of my life.  When I was a child, I never measured up to the expecations of it... And now sometimes I have to learn that their are other things in life that mean so much more than mere strength.  I'm 6'4 275lbs and I am strong... sometimes, I let my youngest hang off of my arm and enjoy that expression of wonder and brightness that only exists in the very young. Still, next to mental, emotional, and spiritual strength, my physical strength is nothing. There are things I don't like to talk about, and I promise that I won't get into here, but I have definitely seen more than my share of hard times throughout my life. The battles of the heart and mind are the toughest for me and that seems to have been the case since I was young. Still sometimes I must remind myself that at times there are no easy answers and there are no shortcuts  when it comes to dealing with the minds and hearts of the ones that I hold dear, the ones that look to me for answers.

                                                                      

 Sometimes the physical expression of my strength comes in handy and in fact is quite useful.  I am a good one to know when there is moving to be done, I'm deceptively athletic and am often able to parlay these physical skills into completing work and work related task quicker and more efficiently. I am prouder still of the mental and  emotional strength that I am able to provide my family with. Our boys have special needs  and many times they need a stable, male influence that provides  mentorship, confidence, and a voice of experience. I know that they haven't always had that, and it thrills me when I am able to help them see the actualization of their own potential.  More than strength alone, I have also realized that somtimes, more than just goal oriented focus and a direct, stern approach, they also need my unconditional acceptance, patience, and wisdom.  As I pondered these things, It became abundantly clear that these concepts can and should be easily applied to a DD/TTWD relationship. 

                                                   

 Throughout our relationship, I have learned and discovered that sometimes my initial thoughts on a subject or experience often require a second look... We both put a lot of work into this relationship, and I am one HoH who is ready to admit that he cares enough to be worried about the message that he sends his Wife.  Sometimes I don't always communicate well... and while I'm not proud of the way that I've handled everything, I generally feel that we do a good job of giving each other the respect, honor and attention that we as individuals deserve, but also as a couple... Sometimes a direct, logic-oriented approach just isn't the answer. Sometimes we get the most mileage and growth by making ourselves emotionally available to each other when we are at our most vulnerable.  Our life is often hectic, loud, noisy, and full of interesting little twists and turns that often leave us frazzled... it goes without saying that a frazzled husband or wife does not make for a smooth relationship environment.  Thus, it behooves me, the HoH, to be mindful of his words and deeds and balanced in his approach to his relationship.

                     

                                                     

Sometimes being my June's soft landing place, her shoulder to cry on and her ear to listen when things aren't easy is a something that I am proud to be able to give her.  Balancing strength, discipline, love, and  reciprocity yields big benefits, and while I don't always get everything right... She loves me enough to let me learn, let me grow, and do the same for me when I need it... I really don't want to think about where I would be if it weren't for June.. Even when I am not at my best she shows me that she loves me, she doesn't just tell me, she shows that she has faith in me... faith in us and in turn, this gives me the kind of confidence that a HoH requires in order to be effective... I am blessed and thankful to be able to count on my June for love, support and understanding and I hope that she can say the same of me. 

                                                               

Finding the balance between strength and softness and recognizing these same qualities within each other is a very helpful tool when we are finding each other through stress and day to day life. It gives us a guide in the difficult times and highlights and accentuates the good times.  We hope that you all have an opportunity to see what Balancing strength and softness can do for your relationship... You won't be disappointed.


Her POV:

Have I mentioned how very much I like it when Daddy calls me 'his June'? How very warm and like an enchanted princess it makes me feel?...

I have never had any one I could depend on I was always the one who had to be strong for everyone. And it wore me out. I wonder sometimes that Daddy can continue to exhibit that strength of heart and of character I worry that it will wear on him as well. But he seems to thrive on it. And it is so lovely to be able to sink into him.

I know that we have very high and exacting standards for our relationship, but in all reality I think Daddy is too hard on himself regarding how he communicates. I have never had anyone who cares so deeply about hearing my concerns and communicating well.

And in those times when it is hard, when I shut down, and he pulls it out of me, and I'm sure he will run for the hills, he never does. He uses that strength to pull out those things from my heart, and then he holds me up when I am sure I cannot go another step.

I do have faith in my Daddy and slowly he's teaching me to have faith in myself. I am proud of my Daddy, and what he brings to our family. I am proud of how well we communicate, I am proud of this man who has been along so long, and never exposed to children, let alone sometimes difficult children, and a definitely difficult woman, can hold us up and steer us in the right direction as a productive, cohesive unit that moves with grace and unity.

Asking for Help vs Topping from the Bottom

                                                    

                                               

Today I would like to spend a few min talking about two topics that I feel can have profound effects on  DD/TTWD relationships. Topping from the bottom and asking for the help we need in order to not only function properly, but to feel comfortable in the roles of our dynamics.

Topping from the bottom is more than simply making a suggestion or two during the discourse of expressions of dominance and submission, spanking, maintenance or other activities designed to enhance our relationships, clear the air, maintain or express roles. Topping from the bottom is also emotional manipulation, talking over someone else, being deliberately passive aggressive, emotionally distant and or blatantly disobedient.  Thus defined, it becomes clear that topping from the bottom is a huge negative that cannot be allowed to create distance or emotional unrest.

                                                 

I guess from my own HoH perspective, I find it to be indicative of a lack of attention properly applied and paid to the one that we love the most.  I try very hard to make sure that I give June the attention that she needs in order for her to feel loved, confident and assured.  A cursory glance throughout the DD/TTWD/Spanking  lifestyle and relationship universe confirms that in many instances topping from the bottom occurs in a disrespectful and unhealthy fashion as well as disturbing frequency.

Topping from the bottom in a TTWD/DD relationship is not only disrespectful and rude, but it often times masks real emotions and hides the needs of all of those represented. When the time comes to express my role in our relationship I understand that I must be remain emotionally available, attentive and prepared to receive June's needs. Even when there is a need for correction or stress release, I know that more than just giving her what I wish her to feel, I must use my judgement to ascertain  what will be of the most benefit to not only her, but our relationship as well.

I am sometimes humbled and left in awe of the great gift of trust and responsibility that she places in my hands and I assure you ladies and gentlemen, that none of that is lost on me. I know that it takes a  whole lot of trust for her to be able to believe in me, and my intentions for not just her heart and mind, but to trust that I will give her body what it needs, no matter how difficult that may be to accept or go through. I really am humbled by this responsibility and would pass these values along to other men in the pursuit of  happier, healthier relationships!

                                        

Lets talk about physical application for a few moments... sometimes simply allowing ourselves to feel each other requires us to look where it's dark, where we have trouble, where we struggle. Sometimes the things that we need are difficult and navigating these issues with grace requires strength,  a ear that listens and the kind of deep honesty that doesn't sugar coat things that aren't easy to hear... This one goes both ways, by the way... Sometimes the greatest gift that June has given me has been her honesty... Her honesty when it would have been easier to do less, or to put the paddle down and scoop her up into my arms before she released the negativity and the walls had come down, but as we all know, what is easy and what is right are two different things.

The actual act of spanking always requires thought and action, but when the impact that is needed is more emotional than physical, it pays to consider every action, word, thought and deed. From the implements we use (yes even the ones that we don't like so much) to the positions (you know, the ones that help us feel the most submissive)  has to be thought out with thought and care.  Kind words, a soft touch following intensity, and an obvious display of affection and love are all very much required.  In truth you might say that  physicality is easier than emotion and thought and you would very much be right to say so. The physical expression of dominance and submission is just the active expression of two hearts longing to be in sync, indeed sometimes, a firm hand and rod wielded firmly with compassion and love helps to "Tune up the band" so to speak.

                                                      

I have known June long enough to understand her emotions and the way she expresses them. I try very hard to be attentive to her heart, mind, and body and generally speaking I hope that I do a good job of this. Sometimes though, I know when she has a hard time, that I need to be open to her expressing her need for help.  Help in feeling herself, in feeling me. The need for safety, warmth, and security when perhaps things aren't going well with work, school, the kids or life in general.  These are the times that she ask for help, I keep that door open and allow her to come to me anytime.  I guess the difference lies in intent.  Asking for help, and topping from the bottom differentiate themselves. Asking is proactive, asking is acknowledging that we are indeed not superhuman and that at times we need our partner to reach out, take our hand and lead and that despite what life has taught us, despite what the media portrays that it is in fact okay to do so!

We would encourage everyone to ask for help when they need it... It takes strength, heart and a willingness to acknowledge our own weakness, but there in lies the true strength and beauty of our relationships... To do so is to gain ground, growth and emotional providence in the face of stress, adversity and negativity.

                                                   

I'll end by saying that sometimes the hardest things to do are the ones that help us grow the most as a couple. I know that none of these things are easy, but I solemnly promise that they are worth every ounce of time, effort and self-exploration!

                                                                  

                                            

Her POV:

Before we were us, when we were still 'just friends' I asked Daddy if it was okay to ask for something...to try something, for more if needed, for action when it was needed and none seemed forthcoming, or if that was topping from the bottom. He said that no, he did not see it as topping from the bottom to present a need to your Dominant. You are merely helping him to know you and your needs. And you are not making demands, you are simply presenting him with your needs, which is what you are supposed to do... asking him to meet your needs.

The first time we were together, in the cuddling afterglow, I shared with him that he could spank harder. And he did. He wouldn't have known what I needed if I had not shared, but the application was entirely up to him. It was only providing a tool for him. I have continued to share, and he has learned me. I don't need to make as many requests. Because we have open honest and consistent communication, he is able to read my body language, the tone of my vice and give me what I need.

Had I manipulated, had I not been open and honest in expressing my needs he would not have an honest gauge. Manipulation is insidious, and sometimes too easy to do, and in my opinion comes from fear to open ourselves. If I am afraid to tell him I need something, I may think that if I mope, or cry or sigh that he will interpret that I need something. That doesn't always work, and it is manipulative, manipulating his emotions rather than simply saying, "Love, can you please help me, I feel..." Or even, "I don't know how I feel, but I'm not me, and I need to feel your Dominance. Or I need to feel my place. I need to feel safe and cared for. Please help me." It expresses humility, vulnerability and trust.

I am an emotional girl. I have lots of baggage. I have things I feel that I don't always understand. I often feel less, bad, scared. If I were not always honest with him when I felt that way, if I did not ask for his help to find my way through, is that not breaking one of the most fundamental rules of DD? To withhold my heart and my needs from him would be dishonesty, by design and/or omission. Not healthy, and knowing that there was something there and trying to get his reaction without honest communication? - that's topping from the bottom.

I am grateful that he allows me the honesty to give him my heart and my fears and my needs I submit them to him, and I put my trust in him to lead me through.

Effort and Follow-Through, Actions and Words

                                     

                                                                     

Effort isn't exactly the largest word in the English lexicon... but I'd be willing to wager that it has one of the largest potential impacts of any word in any language.  When we get down to it, effort is the catalyst to achievement, the key to change, and the facilitator of open, honest communication.  The true value of effort lies not only in seeing it from your partner and the confidence and  reciprocity that it inspires, but also the honest, whole-hearted effort that you bring to the table  yourself.  There are many things that are easy:  Falling off a log, making slow sweet love on a Saturday morning,  holding hands and talking while it rains on your roof, yes these things are all easy, but sometimes effort isn't.

Being there for your partner can mean listening when you are tired, showing up when perhaps you'd rather be doing something else, saying you understand when maybe you don't and especially taking that extra minute to give them some time to be themselves... Sometimes I have to set up a "mommy time" intervention for June.  June is a fantastic housekeeper and a hard worker and I will defiantly admit that our boys definitely keep her on her toes.  I'll be honest I'm really not much different than anyone else, I have my own interests, and sometimes at the end of a long day, I'm not much for talking, sharing, or being loquacious... but I see the positive effect that  my effort has on my family, my home and my relationship. 


                                      



It stands to reason that along with effort, honesty and action also make up important parts of a DD/TTWD relationship.  It's easy to say something. make conditions,  promises, consequences.  It's true what they say though, there is a time for words and there is a time for actions and then again I also say that talk is cheap.




                                                 

Following through can be a true test for both parties... I realize for my words to carry the proper weight in my home, I must be committed not only to be the best man I can be for my woman, and my children, but to further illustrate the importance of commitment, honor, dependability and to go back a bit...effort. June really is a good girl and in truth does not often warrant or require correction.  It is still easy to see the value of  being a gentleman or lady of one's word... even and especially when it isn't easy or fun or life isn't convenient.  That dedication, that solid foundation can in fact be a source of comfort during times of stress, a source of surety and a demonstration of love that speaks much louder than words ever could.



                                       


One of the beautiful things about DD/TTWD is that we learn very quickly that indeed there is no one perfect and that indeed we require grace, patience and hearts that yearn for growth and affirmation through the consistent application of patience, effort and follow through.  It would be easy to do less, but at what cost? Take the time to communicate. Apply effort and understand that indeed actions speak volumes more than any amount of words.  Sometimes following through will test you, there is no getting around that, sometimes giving your partner what they need, when they need it will hurt....but in so doing, you elevate your relationship to a new level where the air is clear and our bond solidifies into a unshakable foundation.


                                            

Her POV:

Daddy gives me his every effort. He shows up every single day. He makes time for our family, I love to watch him roll around on the floor with the boys, or pick them up and carry them around over his head like a sack o'taters, lol (I did tell you Daddy is a BIG man, right?). I love to watch him sit down with the boys over homework, while I make dinner, and watch his love and patience carry them through difficult assignments.

Daddy has a hard job. He sees some of the ugliest of behavior. And he has to treat the perpetrators with a kindness they have not shown to others. This wears on him, deeply. I can hear it in his voice some days when he calls because he just needs to hear my voice, to touch some piece of home and comfort to get him through a day. Some days, he walks through the door and his eyes are haunted. When we see man's inhumanity to man we can't unsee, or unhear, or unimagine, and it could easily strip our own humanity.

But he comes in to his family, and he shows up. It's a struggle sometimes. But you can see him, stripping layer by layer of his turmoil. Sometimes it's classified, he can't even get the balm of my assurance. All I can do is tell him that I see it, and wrap my arms around him and make home his refuge.

How easy in the sight of this for him to shut down? How easy to check out? How much easier to nurture his own wounds and walk away, than to see the struggling child, or to see his stressed out wife? But he shows up. He sees us. He shucks the world and assumes the responsibility of this family. There are the times then that I offer myself to him, for his stress relief. And there are others when I am struggling, those are the hard ones, those are the ones where he has to be bigger, and stronger and more. How easy to check out? He never does. He takes us in his hands and he leads. He gives us every single thing that each of us needs. He never, ever cheats us, shortchanges us. And in so doing, he makes us unbreakable indeed.

I love you, my Darling, my greatest joy, and one of my three greatest blessings.

Dominance and Submission Exercises

                                                      

Submission is a valuable and wonderful gift that must be nurtured, developed, maintained and recognized every day to obtain the most worth.  Understanding the lady of the house, what she values and what makes her feel connected and valued most is invaluable to receiving and maintaining her submission.  It could be as simple as a request. It could be as complicated as regular maintenance spankings that are designed and centered around what makes her feel submissive.  The impact that freely given and well maintained submission can bring to a DD/TTWD relationship is substantial, and speaking as a HoH, extremely rewarding.  June and I spend a portion of every day connecting to our  (My dominant, her submissive) sides and nurturing it in ways that provide an immediate and obvious benefit.  "Sweety can you bring me a glass of water?"  "Here let me do that, you go and sit down, rest for a while"   These things are simple, cost nothing and keep the focus on the relationship and the people in it.

                                                    

I recommend finding or making a time in your evening routine to connect.  Spend some time talking, and working on your dominant and submissive roles. Sometimes this might mean working hard to find the grace necessary to submit with a gentle and grateful heart despite the first thoughts and comments that may pop into one's head. It is also important that a HoH recognize and praise the effort. It isn't always easy to submit. Pain, exposure, and being outside one's comfort zone can makes submission a challenge. Improving communication is the goal here.  I'd also like to emphasize the importance of the individuality that belongs to each couple and the suggestions that June and I offer here can be easily reworked to fit your needs.

                                                 


Here are a couple of  dominance and submission exercises.

- Spanking - Well you knew this one was going to be here. Ladies, this is the time to show him that you can gracefully accept and yield to being under his hand. Take a hot bath, have a cup of warm tea, unwind or read for a little while before approaching him. Find something that stings... something that might not be your favorite, or something you don't enjoy. Bring it to him and place yourself right over his lap. Have him spank you a slow to moderate pace and let yourself feel it, embrace the heat and find your grace and submission.

I realize that this can be difficult to do, but that's why we do it. Building grace and accepting dominance when it is difficult is a hallmark of a strong  submissive.

                                                     

For the dominant partner, I recommend giving her praise and grace. It is important for you to let her know that this is in fact, a exercise in submission and that you very much appreciate it's difficulty.

                                                     

For HoH's - Take the lead, take  over when she needs you to.  Walk up behind her, whisper your appreciation in her ear and finish dinner or the dishes,  speaking of dinner, if you both need to decompress, turn dinner down on low, and go to your room and spend some time giving her your full attention and awareness.

                                                        

-Romance - It might sound odd, but a healthy well groomed sense of romance is a very good way to remind ourselves of our place in the relationship.  Write each other letters (pen and paper guys),  take her kisses  and give her the strength and warmth of your body.  We recommend the use of blindfolds, scented candles, molten wax, soft music, restraints  (I know, I know, I sound like a freak, but try it, it works...I promise). Make love like a man and a woman and do so with an unselfish hungry fashion... It will be a delicious experience.


                                               




Finding and nurturing submission leads to ease of communication, increased intimacy, a full and intimate understanding of each other and each other's dreams, ideas, fantasies, wishes and how best to fulfill them. We would encourage you to find and use what works for you to deepen your relationship roles, and greater contribute to the strength of your relationship!




                                            

Her POV:

We've said it before, and I will say it again - TTWD is not one-size-fits-all. You may already have an idea of the things that turn you into girl goo. And there may be others that you learn as you grow together as a couple. Don't be afraid to tell him when something makes you go weak in the knees, or gives you those delicious brain tickles..."I liked when you did ..." All I have to tell Ward is...mmm, that gave me brain tickles, Daddy. Generally, though, he is more than well aware of the effect he has on me by my reaction, and he is not afraid to capitalize on that.

Observe your partner, watch for what makes her softer and turn into you...watch what makes his eyes burn a little brighter, his verbal and physical response become clearer, surer, more confident...sometimes even take on that delicious dark little edge. Show your mindfulness, when you know he has had a hard day, slide behind him on the sofa, massage his neck and shoulders as he reads or watches TV (chances are he won't be doing either for very long), sit at his feet, remove his shoes and socks and massage his weary feet and legs.

We had a conversation after a very seemingly ordinary moment that cranked my gears...I could feel it wash over me, and I could feel myself bending to him. When I told him, he smiled and said that he knew because he could feel my voice turn inward and could see my submission surge in my eyes, in my manner, he could feel me bend. It is pleasurable to serve him.

One thing that I do is try to always be mindful that the things I do for him are a service in my submission... be it that glass of water, or stopping whatever it is I was doing to give him my attention... everything that I do, every look that I give, every response that I utter is an opportunity to express my submission to his leadership.

Submission (From a Dominant's Point of View)

 Submission is the sweet intoxicating liquor that pours from her vessel.  It cannot be bought, it cannot be forcibly taken, it is not a right.  I must earn it every day of our life together. She bows before me in polite deference and I know in my heart I am not worthy of this deepest display of love and devotion.  Everyday even the hard days she shows me such effort, so much grace and dignity... she never fails to make every waking moment sweet and momentous in it's brightness and fluidity.  These are not mere words from a mere man who merely loves his woman. I am Dominant, I am proud and as fierce and wild as the wind and the sea... and so is my love for her, unstoppable and undaunted lasting long before and long after we are stripped from this mortal coil. I offer her my heart and she offers me her heart. All for all, each matching the other's heart in perfect reciprocity.








It's more than merely being  her HoH it's more than just telling her what to do or expecting things done a certain way at a certain time.  It's the sweet, soft voice and the warm comfort in her sparkling eyes that she saves just for me.  The level of interaction, the level of devotion, the level of dominance and submission would not be possible if we were with other people or if we did not have the level of vigilance and dedication to each other and the mutual cause of our relationship. 





 The depth of her willing submission to me is like the unsung treasures of old... like King Solomon's mines, like the hoard of Midas. Sweeter than the finest wine, amber like honey and bracing like the finest spirited tonic...



She is mine to love, mine to guide, mine to discipline... she is mine and in acknowledging this, I also acknowledge that I am hers  I am hers to support, her to love, hers to look to, hers to obey... She is my truest inspiration my truest vine and my support network.






Submission lifts a dominant man's spirit and gives him a candle unto the darkness of the world
Submission defers and the truth and light of D/s shines in a cold world. We the chosen few, we shine bright and the difference is visible even in the simple act of walking through Target hand in hand.
Submission feeds my dominance, and assuages my thirst for the wild, physical love that my soul has for this magnificent woman.  Submission and Dominance go hand in hand and in our quest for something greater than common we have found that this particular flavor, our brand of TTWD/DD gives us not just leadership and followership, but a way forward, clear direction and a desire for both of us to be better as a couple as well as being a better man and a better woman..

Her submission is mine  to guard and protect,  she is my flower and I would never deliberately abuse my privileges as her Dominant or HoH. She deserves my best and in giving her my dominance I see that I feed her and give her submission it's due. It is my truest treasure and one that I will savor with a fierce love and protection all the days that follow.

Her POV

 My Daddy honors me with his love. I have never been loved as fully and without condition as he loves me. I draw my strength from him. His Dominance, in the many subtle ways he expresses it, from the simple request for a glass of water, or a piece of pie, or to put the laundry aside....they fill me with warmth, it's intoxicating, spreads through my veins - it fills me with pleasure, makes me feel soft,  makes me smile that small satisfied smile that I can serve him in those ways.

His touch, draws me to him, makes me want to please him, bids my deference, my obedience, fills me to overflowing with the desire to blanket him with my love. His kiss on my forehead, and I am wrapped in love so fierce and pure and awed - eyes lower but he pulls them back to his - and I melt into this man who is my sun, my center. Lips on my neck, I bare my throat to him, my trust, my submission, my love, my essence...I belong to him....I thrive.

In the world, he anchors me, centers me, I hold his hand and revel in being his. I revel in the quietness of our love, I revel in his soft voice, and am pleased to give him my "Yes, Daddy" and the smile that tells me that I have pleased him.

 To serve him is my pleasure and my honor. It's as simple as greeting him at the door, a refreshment ready, my attention to his presence. It's as complex as laying my heart and soul bare to him, or offering my body for his pleasure, which make no mistake is my deepest pleasure. He is my man. He is my Daddy. He is my Dominant. He is my lover. I am his submissive woman....and there is nothing better than that. I love you, Daddy.

Butthurt

                                                                                                             

                                                            

No, I don't mean a bottom that is actually hurting.... or what might lead to a bottom hurting...

I'm talking about hurt feelings.  I think that it goes without saying that anyone that is or has ever been in a relationship has either said something hurtful or been told something that perhaps didn't agree with their ideas or emotional state.  I think both parties in a relationship need to be aware that the words they use have the power to affect their partner's attitude and response to those words.

Sometimes situations are difficult. Sometimes there are truths that we need to hear. Sometimes difficult choices have to be made and  in these situations it is easy to miscommunicate and hurt someone's feelings. I think open honest communication can in many cases prevent or minimize emotional damage. I think it is important for both people to make a strong and significant effort to listen and not marginalize.  A good partner finds a way, even when it is difficult to take the time to truly listen.

                                                                                
                                               

We can never really take words back once they leave our mouths. Now having said that, I realize that it is definitely possible to hurt somone's feelings unintentionally. So now what? Do we have a nervous laugh? Do we just say "They'll get over it"? No, even when we accidently harm with our words, the onus is on us to make it right.

Making it right is more than just a simple apology. Making it right means not just saying, but showing our partner that what is important to them is important to us. HoH's need to be especially attentive to this...guys, make every effort to show your lady that you are man enough to admit when you made a mistake, apologize earnestly. Ladies, ensure your guy understands that you support him, even through the difficult choices and be aware of the impact of your words as well.  We all have busy lives, but making time to make things right isn't just the sign of someone who cares, it is the cleansing of the slate and an opportunity to learn and become stronger as individuals, as a couple and as a family unit.

                                                       

Here are a few things that I believe make the apology process easier:

- Eye Contact - This one is a make or break... Eye contact is critical

- The time to do it - If there isn't time... Make time, this is somthing that needs to be done sooner rather than later.

- A quiet place - If need be, go to your room and close the door, turn off your phone, turn off the tv... make sure that you won't be interupted

- Sincerity - understand what is on your partners mind and show them that you understand what they need from you here and now.

Learning from these experiences is actually a very valuable tool. We must seize the opportunities we are given to become stronger, and we must never let something - even something seemingly small come between us. I've said it before, but it bears repeating... simply put as vibrant and beautiful couples we just don't have time for the butthurt.

                                                      

Showing your partner that you can put aside your pride and admit that you are wrong is more than just valuable, it can enhance your time together and put you both right in the place where you need to be.

                                                            

Her POV:

The first time Ward apologized to me I was like a deer in the headlights. That just never happened to me before. I wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to do with that. I have always been the one who apologized... even when it wasn't my fault. I was not used to anyone else accepting responsibility in the relationship.

Our job when they come to us in this way is to accept with grace, and let them know that it is behind us...the slate is clean. Is that not the gift that they give to us - the gift of forgiveness and a clean slate?
We need to be able to put ourselves in their shoes and understand that it was not easy to come to us. We need to ask ourselves what we seek from them when we are in the wrong. We need to see that their apology is their way of expressing their love, and their dedication to our relationships over self.

They are just as human as we are. They make mistakes. And when they apologize they make themselves vulnerable, too. They need that feeling of absolution as much as we do. Imagine what it would feel like if you offered your heart and were rejected... the walls would be flying up, and we would be moving away from each other, instead of towards each other. When we have wrong our partner, no matter if you are the HoH or the TiH, we need the forgiveness and grace of our partner.

And as Ward said, I can't emphasize how important it is to stop and  listen to each other. Turn off all distractions, if there are other people around do go to your room. This is a huge opportunity to connect with our partners, to create intimacy, and to build our relationships even stronger.