DD/TTWD, Spanking, and Self-Discovery

                                                        

                                                                    

DD/TTWD is truly an amazing, vibrant lifestyle. We get the benefit of learning and being even more mindful of our partner's ideas, thoughts, dreams and desires. Even though June and I came into our relationship "as is", we have also discovered much about each other. When we were at the "feeling out" stage of our relationship,  there was certainly some trepidation about some of the things that we both felt and enjoyed. We have routinely  been delighted to find out that our communication has  led to us  being completely and utterly on the same page. June and I have come to realize that we probably belong to a sub-category of DD/TTWDers that may in fact be all our own.  We have alluded to, suggested, and even plainly stated that we are in fact spanking enthusiasts as well as a practicing DD/TTWD couple.

                                                                  

 I guess to some that might seem like an oxymoron, but June and I couldn't imagine life any other way. We also know that there are quite a few professed "spank-nos" out there.  I would also go a bit further and dare ask a question.... What if the line were blurred? What would happen if spanking wasn't used strictly for correction? What would happen if you discovered a wonderful tool that led to you talking more, touching more, kissing more, and making love deeper and stronger?  I'm sure you're all saying that it's easy for me to say and that my own backside isn't on the line, but truth is that far beyond correction or even discipline, there is something about spanking that calls to our shared sense of intimacy. It's more than just sexy, it's more than just something we do, it's who we are and what we share with nobody else. It brings us clarity, focus and speaks deep of the devotion that we hone daily.

                                                                                                 

                                           

 It doesn't necessarily have to be spanking.  We realize  that everyone is different, unique, special. That is in fact part of the magic of relationships. Romance, dedication and communication can unveil more than what simply passes a passionate fancy... No, sometimes intimate, connective time unveils a deeper side of our relationship. The kind we guard, the kind we have a thirst for... Those defining intimate moments that you savor while you are at work and pop into your head while you are doing a load of laundry. Even now typing this I am reminded of the thirst I have for June's love, affection, touch and sweet, soft kindness.  Every day in every way this energy, this intimacy defines a relationship.  June and I just happen to think that spanking in it's many sumptuous forms happens to be a perfect vehicle for this.

                                                              

Self-discovery begins with but a few words, communication is the key. Do you have a unrequited passion that you long to share with your partner? Tell them, show them how you feel, and that it's more than that tingly feeling  or something that curls your toes.  Trepidation much?  Sometimes the only way to gain new ground is to take the first step and give voice to our thoughts, dreams, and yes, desires.  Likewise, take the time to give ear to the voice of your partner... Work together to find that special place that belongs to you as a couple and you as a couple alone.  Find that spark, let if blossom into the beautiful flames of deep intimacy. 

                                                  

 Knowing these things, DD/TTWD has actually improved in every aspect for us.  That connection we speak of, that intimacy drives us to be our best. June is the best woman that I've ever had the pleasure to know, and she puts everything into being loving wife, mother, and best friend.  DD/TTWD also makes me want to be a better man, to be a good father and to bring love and light to our family. Who would have thought a teensy, tiny little spanking would do all that?!





                               

Her POV:

I was raised in a culture of guilt. I accept the blame for everything, and I mean everything. I stress from life in general, I didn't do well enough, I didn't give enough, I shouldn't have been annoyed at the children, the laundry wasn't done, I didn't finish an assignment, dinner was delayed or something happened along the way and a step took longer than it should have. I am my own worst critic.

I take things to heart. Sometimes I am overly sensitive. Things are said that are innocuous, but I get upset. Or just the trials of life, things beyond  our control, I fret, and knowing how much is on his plate, hold them in, effectively building walls. I rely on him to help me. Spankings break down those walls and keep us stripped and open, close and communicating.

At other times there is nothing as intimate as laying yourself bare across his lap, open for his touch, in all the ways he chooses to touch you. It is a wonderful, warm, soft, surrendered, vulnerable, cared for, loved, protected feeling. It, too, is stripped away intimacy.

Spanking for us is the tool, the vehicle that we use to drive our relationship. I look to him to support me as I support him, to elevate me as I elevate him, to hold me accountable, to change my 'stinkin' thinkin', to correct me when I stray from our truth, to help me be open, soft, feminine and vulnerable. For us, these things often start with me across his lap, with his leadership and my trust,with my vulnerability and his acceptance, and with the gift to each other of authenticity, of his Dominance and my submission.

Personalization In Your Dynamic

The time has come to approach and illuminate a topic that has the potential to effect a large percentage of the folks in DD/TTWD marriages as well as resound throughout blogland. This is a topic that June and I both very strongly about and while we understand that some people have differing opinions, we feel that speaking out about the potential pifalls and dangers of single minded, insensitive, approaches to DD/TTWD and some of the potentially disastrous consequences that can befall even seasoned couples in an otherwise healthy relationship.  We do not seek to proclaim ourselves experts, and would not dare deign to tell others that our way is "The Way" or disrespect any established couples. We hope that you will share in this journey to the heart and health of DD/TTWD and we freely encourage people to ask questions.

Have you ever stopped and considered what makes your relationship special and unique? Is it the things you say to each other? Is it how you treat each other? Is it how you interpretation of the intricacies of  your dynamic? We ask that you keep these questions in mind as we discuss and speak out about something that has been eating at us.  There are several entities and resources in the DD/TTWD world that claim that they are "experts" or that their way is "the way" to go. We will speak out against this and denounce this as dangerous and somewhat reckless. I'm sure some of you have heard of several "books" or have heard of  Domestic Discipline "bootcamps" or "bootcamp" style relationship training.  Some see this as a way to condition or indoctrinate their spouse to the concepts of "leadership", "punishment"  and the general foundation, and day to day concepts of the DD/TTWD lifestyle.  It is our opinion that an "all encompassing" or  formulaic approach to something as precious and important as the DD lifestyle is reckless at best and dangerous at it's worst. We believe that for a couple to get the most  out of this lifestyle,  that a great dear of care must be exercised when dealing with each others emotions,  ideas, expressions, affections etc... In simpler terms it is paramount that we know and understand each other in order to best serve each other's needs even and especially the need for order, discipline and structure.

One of the things that we've seen with the "bootcamp" principal is the idea of punishment to introduce the concept of submission or "to get used to it."  The idea of punishment without a good reason is an idea that is destructive, harmful and absolutely without merit. We expressly admit that we do believe in spanking as a submission exercise, as well as spankings for role reinforcement, but the idea of arbitrary punishment is nothing less than detrimental to the mental and spiritual state of the TiH and the state of the relationship.  Regrettably, June and I have both also seen the negative impact that the bootcamp experience can offer... Sometimes it sends the wrong message to both HoH and TiH... A misguided HoH can become disconnected from his TiH and may not be aware of the real emotions, fears, and true honesty... If punishment or correction occurs without merit? How can we expect real honesty? In the wrong situations, a TiH  may feel various feelings of negativity, resentment, fear or inadequacy at the prospect of unwarranted punishment...This in conjunction with several other factors could easily cause hard feelings, and difficulty in communication.  We should also express that  there may be merit in the idea of bootcamp...open communication about the expectations of the house, what a couple is striving for, open and honest discussions about  the impact that you both expect and desire,  healthy and considerate introductions to healthy forms of spankings that have a purpose... These are all things that can benefit a healthy happy relationship and we would entreat people to explore these concepts  in a "them" centric manner that speaks to their own unique considerations, needs, and requirements.

One of the other concepts that we would express at this time is the need for consistent care, awareness, and  respect to both people in the relationship.  I may be the HoH in our relationship, but I am also cognizant of the fact that June needs me to demonstrate not only a fierce love but a deep and uncompromising respect for her as my wife, the mother of my children, and the voice and life of our home.  We have learned that in our relationship, we must make the time to develop and perfect a process that speaks to the decisions we make and the importance that we hold for each other, and that is our suggestion to you... Work together to discover something that you can develop a blueprint for a healthy happy relationship that puts a sharp and clear focus on healthy and pure unity.

June here - I believe that as a start to DD, having a dedicated time with no interruptions to outline the specifics of the relationship, such as rules and expectations of both partners is a constructive, foundation-building thing. I believe that one of those expectations should be time set aside every single day to connect and affirm our roles, rather than have periodic bootcamps to realign or redefine.

It is no secret that Daddy and I do daily maintenance. So please do not take this to mean that I am speaking against spanking, or other methods of correction as tools in a DD relationship, or that I am speaking out of both sides of my mouth. When Daddy spanks for role affirmation, for discipline, just because he can, or for correction, he takes the time to see me. He knows me well enough to understand what I need, to understand what it takes to get through to me. You can see this kind of leadership all over blogland, HoH's who understand their women and lead instinctively, like Jim, Jake, Ian, Michael, Dragon, Omega and Steven to name a few.  To not cultivate that kind of environment, that kind of interaction can result in more unwanted behaviors that it prevents. I believe that submission should come from a place of wanting to give respect and deference to our HoH, a place of desiring to be pleasing, a place of service, and not a fear of punishment.

I think it is dangerous to take someone hungry for the closeness that DD brings, and trepidatious about what it takes to lead, and give them a checklist of how to conduct a spanking or corrective action. I think the formulaic approach can lead some to think there is no other way, does not encourage them to see how things fit into their relationships and how to make it their own. I believe the approach can teach an HoH to close himself off to his TiH. For example in our case because of my background, corner time or time in our room would create panic in me, I would feel abandoned. I need his reassurance that he is there and that the things he does, even correction, come from a place of love. When correction is over I need his arms, and his assurances that his love is unconditional, that I am forgiven, and that we are moving forward with growth and a better understanding, and the transgression won't be brought up again by either of us. He won't allow me to beat myself up over something we have resolved.

I think the bootcamp experience can be emotionally draining, and then to heap a long evening of causeless punishments can be emotionally damaging. This kind of thing can break one's spirit. For us the idea of DD is never to diminish each other, and Daddy would never, ever break my spirit. I think that there needs to be a purge in that establishment period, something like Roz's beautiful ceremony detailed in her post "Collared". For Daddy and myself there was something similar, yes a very long, firm spanking, with lots of love and pride expressed as a sign of the things we were letting go, and the things we choose to embrace. This has to be what speaks to and serves your relationship, not from a checklist or chart.

As I stated above, for me submission come from a desire to serve, a desire to be pleasing, not because I fear the consequences if I displease him in breaking one of our rules. I think that both Dominance and submission call us to be mindful of our partners, and to take the time to reaffirm our roles and commitment to them daily. Yes, we spank daily. We also affirm our roles within our relationship and to each other in small ways every day. Much as mouse beautifully illustrates again and again of her dynamic with Omega, Daddy understands my need to feel his Dominance, and his devotion to me is to provide submission exercises. These can be spankings, writing assignments, or tasks. And I try to be mindful of his needs and provide things in service and deference to him, like meeting him at the door with a drink or removing his shoes and socks after a long day and refreshing and massaging his feet.

As Daddy said, none of this is to say that we have all the answers. We have worked very hard to have the answers for us. Sometimes we see something that someone else shares that speaks to a struggle we have had. We discuss it and see how it applies to us. We are grateful for the mentorship provided by the experienced couples in this community. We believe the opportunities to speak with others in this lifestyle through our blogs, and the various chatrooms are invaluable. We believe that everyone can only speak with authority to their own relationship.  And no one can or should speak as an authority on this lifestyle in general. 

Ward again - We would like to finish this post by expressing that in addition to understanding the way your process works for you, you may also find some deep and unexpected benefits of a enriched, personalized DD/TTWD relationship. Taking the time to develop, nourish, and evolve an ideology and lifestyle that is right for you and your partner....No this isn't always easy, fair, or fun, and yes, you will be tested....sometimes it's going to hurt, but knowing that we matter to each other, really matter, enough to effect a positive culture of awareness and responsibility says that this love is unconditional, indubitable and transcendent.

We also have to admit that we have both made a few mistakes and suffered a few setbacks, neither one of us is perfect. The beauty of mistake-making though is in the growth and knowledge that this begets. When we learn, we grow and when we grow we see the positive effect that change can have in our relationships.  Establishing these changes allows us to tweak and further refine the policies and expectations that benefit our relationships the most. It all starts with a mindset that teaches us to develop our own unique ideas, needs, and thoughts... We would suggest this might be a great starting point for the uninitiated, or a great vantage point for the established. Either way, there is much wealth to be mined in investing our own time and energy in the way we approach DD/TTWD.
June again -  The essence of DD/TTWD relationships is mutual mindfulness and respect. When we undertake activities we want them to enrich our dynamics, not potentially break our spirits or damage us or our relationships. Ward and I often look at our children and think - Lord they didn't come with an instruction manual. Truth be told, when I was pregnant with my first I read every single book because I wanted to be the best I could be. When I was handed that little person I reaffirmed my undying commitment to him. And when I sat on the living room floor crying because those books didn't answer the questions I had, and nothing was working for THIS child, I realized even the author can only speak from their own personal experience. They didn't know MY child. I had to open my heart and reach out with my spirit and my soul to his, and find the ways that I could best benefit him.

The truth is, we are humans, and we are different, and our experiences, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, psyches and reactions are all influenced by our personality and our personal experiences. There is no one size fits all answer. And there are no manuals. We would encourage you to read, to seek, but we would also encourage you to take whatever you find and make it your own, with the well-being of your partner's heart, mind, body and being in the forefront of your mind. 

Pride

 

I am only human. I have many faults. I have a hamster that spins fear into great big insurmountable entities, that can cower me, make me hide. When that happens my walls go up, and, oh Lord, they go up fast and as hard as I can make them.






I have been guilty of building some walls lately. Some I was not even really aware of, until he told me. Even when he told me I was too wrapped up in my own self to see how that made him feel. I was too wrapped up in my hurt to feel his. Instead of asking, I mistook his attempt to be strong, for him being cavalier. I thought that meant he was not so affected by the pending potential separation. And that gave my hamster lots of fuel to spin fast and furious.

Daddy called a summit. It wasn't fun, and it wasn't easy. It hurt. It was hard, and I wanted to run away, but he didn't let me. Did the walls come down right then? No. I took what Daddy said and stuffed it with all the other 'stuff' behind my walls. Not cozy those walls, no, they are crowded, and noisy, and there are so many things jammed down inside there that they pinch and poke and stick you. I apologized, and vowed to do better, and I received better than I deserved from him.


The next day, I went about my day, seeing him off to work, getting the kids ready for school, planning meals, cleaning, working, folding laundry. As I sat here, folding, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks, bricks from the quickly constructed wall, tumbling all around me. You see, he didn't bring the wall down right away, he planted seeds that grew behind the wall, and pushed it down from the inside.




I hugged the clothes to me and wet them anew with my tears. I had been selfish. I had been so consumed with fear of him not being where he was 'supposed' to be, that I robbed both of us of love, and comfort and intimacy. I forgot to express my pride in him, in us, and in so doing, I chipped away at his confidence and maybe even his pride in himself. I was so wrapped up in the fact that the Navy could keep us apart yet again, that I lost sight of us.






The seeds he planted ensured that none of those bricks would come down and crush me, but I sat in the rubble, convicted, and so regretful that I had not remembered to build him up, that I had not remembered to show my pride and respect for what he has accomplished in his career, and my pride and respect because of the kind of man that he is.








You see, there are about 313,914,040 people in this country. There are 340,001 active duty troops in the US Navy. and about 60,000 sailors manning the submarine fleet. My Daddy has accomplished what only 18% of Naval personnel has accomplished and what only 1.9% of the population of the United States has done. 

When I could see, and breathe normally, I sent him an email, because I can't call him when he is working. I told him that I was insanely proud of him, and what he has accomplished, and that I saw the him beyond his career, and I was insanely proud of the man that he is. I told him that I am proud of his intelligence, and his humor, his bravery, his confidence and his honor. I told him that I would shout that pride from the rooftops, that it was carved into my heart, soul and mind, and that I would carve it into my flesh, and be proud to wear his mark.

 

So we talked again, when he got home, this time with the walls down, and my heart ...and his...raw and bared to the other. And good things came from the pain. We vowed never to try to spare the other our feelings - that is dishonesty and it is distance. Even when it's hard we will speak the truths of our heart...even when it's hard to say...even when it's hard to hear. But we'll listen and get through it together. We renewed the vow to speak our love and our pride every day. I promised to ask my questions instead of letting the hamster feed on fear. And I promised to never let my fear get in the way of telling him just how very proud of him I am... every single day.

HIS POV:  

Sometimes, it's not easy, sometimes, to see each other, really see each other we have to go beyond our own field of vision. Distance is harmful all the time and in order for us to see that, we must allow our partner to voice their concern, keep us honest and help us up out of the rubble once the walls do come crashing down.

 

I will say this, June has always stood by me through thick and thin, and We have both gone through a lot. In regard to being a military spouse, I could not ask better of June that she has given me and I know how difficult it is, how painful it is and how it makes just basic communication harder. Even when she puts up walls, even when it  is obvious that she hurts, even when she draws away I love her harder, pull her closer, and keep our relationship at the front of my mind and heart.

Distance makes it harder to see our greatest blessings in both each other and the life that we share and for the good of our relationship, I took and will always take a stand against the quiet, against the intentional distance and against emotional hiding... and I will do that because I love my June just that much.

Male/HoH Communication

                                                                          

                                                    

Generally in my post I try to address both people in a  DD/TTWD relationship, but I've done some thinking about things and well... not this time.  I think I would like to address the ladies out there in blog land.  So ladies if you will take a moment to stop and listen I think we can all (guys reading along anyway included!) come to a better place.

                                                

Have you ever thought about the way your guy communicates with you?  Have you ever wondered why it's hard to get your fella to talk about certain things?  Well I'd like to say to all of you out there that honestly sometimes communication  for us exists on different levels than for the ladies. While this may seem obvious, it is worth investigating and understanding the values that we place on the way we communicate. I guess I'm not so different than many other men in that, I am pretty literal most of the time... now don't get me wrong I'd love to think I have a sense of humor and that I don't take things too seriously... but way, way, way more often than  not I tend to say what I mean.  Even down to the time of day, the color of the shirt that I will be wearing, the minute I will leave and return ... I am a literal kind of guy.                  

I have had to work hard with June to get better about it, but I also interpret what she says very literally and expect her to mean what she says. Time has taught me that not everything can be solved with logic and I can't always expect her to have my own particular point of view.   June has also had to realize these things about me and adjust her own methods of communication. June and I have worked long and hard to improve our communicative processes and it's a labor of love that will be continuous and rewarding.

One of the things that can get in the way of healthy communication regardless of our expectations and desires is assumption... Assumption can be a sticky thing indeed if we do not understand the way our partners think, react and respond to various forms of communication.  Have you ever talked about something in advance only to be confounded when your guy forgot or didn't  take an action? Well in your consternation, I would implore you to get down on a guys' level and understand the way he thinks and how he thinks... contrary to what you may believe, he isn't taking what you discussed for granted, undervaluing your feelings, or saying that your ideas, thoughts and words are unimportant... he may just need to be reminded of what you need, want or desire... communication on a continual basis is always important and yes, this can be achieved without nagging, without feelings getting hurt or without unnecessary silences that breaks the chain of  communication.

                                                                                                                      

Now along with communication and the need for it's continuous flow, lets talk about logic vs emotion.  To many guys, the most obvious course through something difficult is the logical one.  This isn't to say that emotions don't come into play... they do, but more often than not,  men have a tendency to see logic as the quickest, and surest way to a solution. Emotional things can be difficult for guys and I'm sure that many of you fine ladies in blog land can attest to this... I myself am no exception and can be quoted many times and many instances of telling June that something "wasn't logical"  In summation I would have you all use this information to better the communication processes between you and your partner.  Men are a lot of things, ladies, but we are not psychic. Communication openness and a willingness to freely discuss things will help us grow!

                                                

HER  POV:   Schnoots to logic, Daddy. I am an emotional creature. I will always be an emotional creature. But I acknowledge that he is the big picture man. Most of the men in our relationships are. They see past this split second in time to the varied repercussions of various courses of actions, how they will affect not only themselves, not only us, but also our families as a whole. You have to admit ladies, sometimes we get caught up in the feelings of the moment, and can't see as far as the effects . Yeah, that's their job. It's why we function better as balanced partners than as equal partners.

Sometimes they WILL forget. Understand that guys understand what we tell them,  but they are, as logical creatures, creatures that need to be primed for action. You don't get a computer program to function if you do not initiate the program. For our guys that is not - I feel sad; I feel widgey; I feel nervous. For our guys - initiate sequence looks more like this - I need you to __________. (hug me; cuddle me; spank me; reassure me, etc.).

If you tell him what you need, you are communicating. and remember back to the last post, when you do not you are not communicating clearly. When you try to push him in the direction of satisfying your needs with non-verbal communication which may accelerate into poor behavior i e, topping from the bottom.

It is not nagging to remind him, "Do you remember I shared with you that I need to feel your Dominance when.....? Well I need your help now, please?" Sometimes, ladies, we are too willing to blame the lack of effective communication on our partners, but I can tell you from experience, I bear at least as much responsibility as does Ward for the times it takes us longer to find resolution.

The Gift of Time

                                                     

 There are 24 hours in a day. Just 24, no more, no less. Often it feels like there isn't enough of it to go around.  But, I would ask, Is there any gift more precious? The gift of one's time, passion, and energy are among the most precious gifts that we can give.  I think that's one of the things missing from many "modern" couples.  Sure we all have work to consider and then there is our own individual interest and stress to relieve. But there is one thing that I try to remain vigilant about.... that's love.  It's pretty easy to say that one loves another, but then again it's quite another thing to show it. Do I still go out with the guys after work and catch part of the game and take in a brew? Sure, but I also realize the value in giving people rain-checks and giving my family the time and attention that they require to grow.

                                                   

 It can be pretty easy to fall into a rut at times, or dare I say it... take each other for granted, but giving each other the time and attention that couples need.  Sometimes our domestic responsibilities and our schedules get hectic. Having two active school age children is a challenge at the best of times, but when you account for winter weather, the morning pokieness of our oldest, work, vehicles, people being under the weather, breakfast, lunch, bills, work  hmmm I'm sure I left some things out, but it's easy to see how even the most dedicated and vigilant could be overwhelmed and out of sorts at the end of a long, busy day.

                                                 

   

Sometimes the only real solution is to make time. No, I'm not a wizard and I realize that not everything is as simple as all that, but sometimes making the time to do even something just small can have HUMONGOUS benefits.  That's where it falls on us guys.  As an HoH I feel that it is my duty to assess the situation in the home, monitor stress and fatigue levels and when necessary to make time for my children or my woman when it is clear that they  need me to do so. My suggestions?  Kick her out of the kitchen and finish dinner, Take the kids out for a while so she can have a few hours to herself. Take the laundry basket from her and tell her to put her feet up and relax. 

                                                                                         

Sometimes making time means saying no to friends, canceling plans and knowing that sometimes  the best thing to do is to do nothing... No, no, I'm not sure you understand, nothing.  Sometimes nothing is disastrous, sometimes a weekend  of relaxation, and snuggling on the couch can be more productive than traveling too and from, running around like chickens without heads, and generally adding stress to the two days of the week where stress just don't have  a place.

                                                                    

Sadly, I can't just add 5 more hours or tack on two more days to the week, but what I can do is be attentive to my lady and her needs, spend time with my children and use what time we do have to bolster and nourish our ever-tightening bonds and feed the spirits and minds of the ones I hold dear.  I would encourage you all to find a way, or make a way to give each other and your families the attention that they require, need, deserve, and thrive from.  Who knows what you will discover?  Who knows what priceless moments are just waiting to be had?   Let each discovery you make bolster your efforts to be the best you can for each other.... Time's a wastin'

                                                               

Her POV: 

 There IS no greater gift we can give to each other. We all understand that principle with regard to our children. Better to give them your time, to show them they are worthy and valuable, than to buy all the latest gadgets. Why then would we give less to our families and to our partners? As our time nourishes our children, increases intimacy, increases trust and communication, so it does when we devote time to each other and to our relationships. When we give the gift of time, we also give the gift of understanding, we give refreshment to the soul, we relieve and wash away stress and strip away the world and all the things that do not belong and give shelter, safe harbor to our loved ones and let them be their best and most authentic selves.

The Keyholder

There are things in life - terms which we hear, and make assumptions about their meaning.Then we find the intended meaning and it is far from what we assumed, or the meaning the word spoke to us. Daddy and I, before we were us, both explored in the world of BDSM. There is a term, that as I explored my submissive nature, spoke to me deeply.The term was keyholder.



In BDSM, the term keyholder is intended to mean a female Dominant/Domme, who controls the chastity of her male submissive and uses chastity devices to ensure chastity and orgasm denial. To me when I heard the term, it signified the person who held the key to my submission, who held the key to my heart, who held the key that would unlock the person I was at my very core.

 

 When I was still in that world, seeking my submissive self, I did learn much. I learned who I was and what I wanted, and a lot about what I did not want, and who I was not willing to be. There was something hollow about the experience. It was merely action, there was no heart to it. I desired to feel service from my heart, and to feel that service accepted and cherished.

I did learn things in that community. I did learn about my capacity, and what I would be willing to give to one who touched that place in me. I also learned that this is who I am. There was no scene for me, I did not wish to turn it off and on. I wanted to live my truest self, 24/7.  I learned terms that led me to refining the view of what I desired, domestic discipline, DD/TTWD, HoH, TiH. And it was there that I met my one.

When I envisioned my one, I envisioned the one who would call to that place in me, the one who would touch me, capture and free me. I envisioned the one who would touch me and under whose hand I would willingly bend. I met some, and there was no connection. There was no desire to open myself to any of them.

Then I met my Daddy. Even before he was mine, there was a twinge, a sweet pull deep inside me. There was a connection, and understanding of his heart, and a knowing that I have never experienced, that he understood mine. Together we found this place, the concept of DD and TTWD, and we grew together and began to write our story.

                       

I found with him, that the bending came naturally. I was free to be soft with him, in his love. He was willing not only to provide me Dominance, he was willing to provide me leadership. He felt my heart, and he wished to help me grow, both as a woman, and as a submissive. And for us the dance began. He held my heart, he fed me, he continues to do so. And there are no limits to what I would give him. I would bend as far as he required, he would never break me. This is truth that I trust. I trust him.

And so, for me, he is the keyholder, my keyholder. He has unlocked places in me that even I did not know existed. He has helped me to free myself and to be comfortable in my own skin,, and my own head, and to trust for the first time ever, that I will not be hurt. These are things I would never have learned had he not lovingly turned the key to my soul.

HIS POV: 

As I am the keyholder for June, I discovered the true meaning of unconditional love when I accepted the gift, the responsibility, the honor of holding the key to her heart. Her trust in me, my abilities and the love that we continuously nurture, touch me every single day.  I strive with a willing heart to guard her heart, to improve our communication and be the leader and man that she deserves.

Before she was mine, I would look at her beautiful, soft features and I would see the beauty of her soul sparkling in her beautiful  hazel eyes... I can only say this my June... my love... It is an honor to be the keyholder,  it is an honor to lead and guide and nourish... Thank you for your support and your belief in me... in us... Thank you for everything.

No Vacations in DD/TTWD

365 days a year, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year. No vacations. When applied to our busy lifestyles, it is easy to imagine being overrun, burnt out and desperately needing some time to just step back and breathe. While this is definitely true, especially in this day and age, there are some concepts that we must take to the core of our relationships and our lifestyle every single day.   DD/TTWD does test us and it requires daily diligence and effort. That being said, it does not go without notice that sometimes this lifestyle is difficult, sometimes the communication process can test us especially when we are tired. But let's all be honest: There are no vacations in TTWD/DD.                                            Vacation brings to mind  sun-drenched days filled with love, laughter, romance and pleasure. While It is true that we MUST refresh and renew our relationships in the face of the day to day grind of life, We must also remember our responsibilities to each other, and our relationships. DD/TTWD by design requires consistency, and with consistency comes peace, ease of mind, and clarity.  The effort required in complete dedication to communication, and role maintenance is no small feat however and this must be acknowledged. June works very hard to be mindful of our relationship and her role in it, I also try to remember my role as the head of our home. I must recognize June's efforts in not only our relationship, but the many contributions she adds to my life and the lives of our children. I know that in addition to maintaining our roles and recognition that I must relieve stress and ensure that she is rested and better able to handle the stress that comes with being a wife and mother.                                                   Now comes the dreaded M-word... that's right folks, I'm talking about maintenance.  While maintenance might be a very passionate or heated subject for some... We really feel that there are  numerous and valuable benefits that bolster our relationship, bring us closer and help keep us both mindful of the importance of our roles in a relationship. Maintenance isn't just one thing... For us, sometimes maintenance is going to bed  early holding hands and just talking... Sometimes maintenance is having the boys stay with friends and just spending a romantic evening snuggling and watching movies on the couch. Yes, maintenance, can and often does include one or more elements of spanking and discipline.  As unsurprising as it may be to hear from us, we have found that sometimes nothing smooths the edges, bridges the gaps, and gets rid of stress quite like a thoughtful spanking experience.                                                                                                                       As mentioned above,  sometimes a  vacation, or stay-cation  from the stress of life can be a happy, healthy time of rediscovery, strengthened bonds, and refreshment of spirit. As great as this is, it also stands to reason that for very practical reasons, that a two week trip  to a tropical beach may not be practical, but with a little experimentation, the judicious hiring of babysitters and a little imagination we can very easily  create a relaxing, fun atmosphere that is custom made for the purposes of bonding, role reinforcement and the mutual enjoyment of each other, ourselves and our relationship.

                                                                  

Her POV:

For me, I think I would be completely unbalanced if Ward was inconsistent. I need to be able to depend on him. Even when that means we enter a disciplinary or correction-type situation. There is security in knowing that whether we are in our living room, at the local Walmart, or park, or on vacation, that he will continue to hold us to the high standard we have for our relationship.

Busyness is not an excuse for discounting each other. Nor is stress. We strive to always be mindful that we depend on each other, always We can always count on the other to remind us of that, and to hold the other accountable if we forget the things that are important to us.

And the "M" word, yeah, June is a freak, I find comfort in that, too. Both in the consistency, and the fact that we have a mechanism when things start to swing, and I feel a bit unhinged, that brings us together, stripped down, and honest with each other. I value our life, the security, the closeness, the honesty, sometimes the rawness. Do we do maintenance on vacation? Yup. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Valentine's Day.... or is it?

Daddy and I were talking this morning about Valentine's Day... more about that in a minute. Then I was talking to a friend who said she hates Valentine's Day. And her sentiments echoed what Daddy and I had talked about this morning (we hardly ever post the day we write, we keep a 'vault' of stuff that we write when we're able,  so when life gets hectic there's something to pull from). So I thought it might make a good post.

Valentine's Day, it's worth knowing where the legend comes from, and just a warning, it's kind of grisly, not graphically so, but not really all completely warm and fuzzy. But the message goes beyond the note, signed "from your Valentine", the message, to me, is that you would be willing to die for your love.

So I would challenge you... is one day enough to show the one you love that you would die for them? Is it enough to show that you would die for the love that you create, and that lives in you? Does a box of candy or a piece of jewelry say all that you wish to say - does it speak the truth of your heart?

No, I am not decrying or trying to minimalize extravagant gestures. I am simply saying sometimes we need to remember that there is great love in small gestures. There is great love in meeting your partner at the door with a smile and a look that says, "I'm so glad you're home. Now I finally am, too." There is great love in meeting requests with a smiling, "Yes, love." There is great love in crafting, meals and treats you know he enjoys. There is great love in coming home from work and taking the children so she can have ten blessedly quiet minutes to complete a task, or half an hour to read a book, or sit in the yard with a cup of tea. There is great love in touch, a brush against your cheek for no reason than to show that your heart swelled when you looked at them, or when you see the mark of the world on them and you wrap your arms around them to protect them and wipe it all away with the tears that cleanse their souls.

I wonder when we lost sight of that, and thought we could only say I love you, once a year? My friend and I said that seems like it's something you have to do, not something that you thrive on doing, something that feeds you in the feeding of your love.

So Ward, my heart, my Daddy, my love, I pray that I take full advantage of every opportunity to show you the depths of my love. Today, you received a coupon book for things like a massage, your favorite cookies, stress relief, grace when it's difficult - in the rare event that you err. I would hope that I extend these things every day in my expression of love for you. But I am human, and sometimes I miss the signs of need, or get wrapped up in the day and forget those little extras. So please use these to remind me to never let the day go to bed without telling you how much you touch me, how essential you are to me and to our family, and how very, very much I love you. Happy Valentines's Forever, my Love.




HIS POV:
Love is a beautiful thing that deserves to be nurtured and fed every single day of the year. Can we give less than our very best to the people that we love? Didn't think so. Love, passion, reciprocity and the clear and loud expression of our hearts that's where it begins and it never ends.  June my darling, today you received a letter with a surprise and a coupon book of your own... I am human as well, I make errors but yet you love me anyway and everyday is like a holiday, every meal a feast, you make my heart sing forever my love.

Images of Ward and June - Part 2

We all exist before we find our one, though some of us never really live. I existed before him...small and inconspicuous and quiet so I could disappear.... it was safer. He saw something, stopped, stooped and reached his hand into that place and called to me. And I was compelled to respond...not with a conscious mind...with all the fire and light and desire and fear inside screaming for a safe place and finding his arms. There I flourish, there I burn without being consumed, fly without fear,find wonders never imagined, and peace...for the first time.       

 

            

Surely then you can see that I am home...in you...that without you I would return to a vacuum, for you are that which feeds my soul. There is no choice because you are the answer to every question I have ever had and I cannot imagine being without you...eternity plus a day won't be enough.
















 Someday came when I met you, my love... and every moment before became irrelevant...except that they prepared me for you, and made sure that I would remember to tell you every single day how much I love you, how special you are, and how if you are the reward, every single thing has been worth it to be loved by you.
                                                  

...and I love him...

HIS POV:   

I won't remember before and can only dare treasure the now... Names, faces, places hold no meaning.  If my life was a desert, your love is the rain transforming my abrasive grit into a garden of love and delight. I am a empty vessel standing before the flowing fountain of your love.  Perfect in reciprocity, your love calms me like waves lapping upon the shore in the sparkling sunlight or our love.  I love you, June!