DD/TTWD, Spanking, and Self-Discovery

                                                        

                                                                    

DD/TTWD is truly an amazing, vibrant lifestyle. We get the benefit of learning and being even more mindful of our partner's ideas, thoughts, dreams and desires. Even though June and I came into our relationship "as is", we have also discovered much about each other. When we were at the "feeling out" stage of our relationship,  there was certainly some trepidation about some of the things that we both felt and enjoyed. We have routinely  been delighted to find out that our communication has  led to us  being completely and utterly on the same page. June and I have come to realize that we probably belong to a sub-category of DD/TTWDers that may in fact be all our own.  We have alluded to, suggested, and even plainly stated that we are in fact spanking enthusiasts as well as a practicing DD/TTWD couple.

                                                                  

 I guess to some that might seem like an oxymoron, but June and I couldn't imagine life any other way. We also know that there are quite a few professed "spank-nos" out there.  I would also go a bit further and dare ask a question.... What if the line were blurred? What would happen if spanking wasn't used strictly for correction? What would happen if you discovered a wonderful tool that led to you talking more, touching more, kissing more, and making love deeper and stronger?  I'm sure you're all saying that it's easy for me to say and that my own backside isn't on the line, but truth is that far beyond correction or even discipline, there is something about spanking that calls to our shared sense of intimacy. It's more than just sexy, it's more than just something we do, it's who we are and what we share with nobody else. It brings us clarity, focus and speaks deep of the devotion that we hone daily.

                                                                                                 

                                           

 It doesn't necessarily have to be spanking.  We realize  that everyone is different, unique, special. That is in fact part of the magic of relationships. Romance, dedication and communication can unveil more than what simply passes a passionate fancy... No, sometimes intimate, connective time unveils a deeper side of our relationship. The kind we guard, the kind we have a thirst for... Those defining intimate moments that you savor while you are at work and pop into your head while you are doing a load of laundry. Even now typing this I am reminded of the thirst I have for June's love, affection, touch and sweet, soft kindness.  Every day in every way this energy, this intimacy defines a relationship.  June and I just happen to think that spanking in it's many sumptuous forms happens to be a perfect vehicle for this.

                                                              

Self-discovery begins with but a few words, communication is the key. Do you have a unrequited passion that you long to share with your partner? Tell them, show them how you feel, and that it's more than that tingly feeling  or something that curls your toes.  Trepidation much?  Sometimes the only way to gain new ground is to take the first step and give voice to our thoughts, dreams, and yes, desires.  Likewise, take the time to give ear to the voice of your partner... Work together to find that special place that belongs to you as a couple and you as a couple alone.  Find that spark, let if blossom into the beautiful flames of deep intimacy. 

                                                  

 Knowing these things, DD/TTWD has actually improved in every aspect for us.  That connection we speak of, that intimacy drives us to be our best. June is the best woman that I've ever had the pleasure to know, and she puts everything into being loving wife, mother, and best friend.  DD/TTWD also makes me want to be a better man, to be a good father and to bring love and light to our family. Who would have thought a teensy, tiny little spanking would do all that?!





                               

Her POV:

I was raised in a culture of guilt. I accept the blame for everything, and I mean everything. I stress from life in general, I didn't do well enough, I didn't give enough, I shouldn't have been annoyed at the children, the laundry wasn't done, I didn't finish an assignment, dinner was delayed or something happened along the way and a step took longer than it should have. I am my own worst critic.

I take things to heart. Sometimes I am overly sensitive. Things are said that are innocuous, but I get upset. Or just the trials of life, things beyond  our control, I fret, and knowing how much is on his plate, hold them in, effectively building walls. I rely on him to help me. Spankings break down those walls and keep us stripped and open, close and communicating.

At other times there is nothing as intimate as laying yourself bare across his lap, open for his touch, in all the ways he chooses to touch you. It is a wonderful, warm, soft, surrendered, vulnerable, cared for, loved, protected feeling. It, too, is stripped away intimacy.

Spanking for us is the tool, the vehicle that we use to drive our relationship. I look to him to support me as I support him, to elevate me as I elevate him, to hold me accountable, to change my 'stinkin' thinkin', to correct me when I stray from our truth, to help me be open, soft, feminine and vulnerable. For us, these things often start with me across his lap, with his leadership and my trust,with my vulnerability and his acceptance, and with the gift to each other of authenticity, of his Dominance and my submission.

Asking for Help vs Topping from the Bottom

                                                    

                                               

Today I would like to spend a few min talking about two topics that I feel can have profound effects on  DD/TTWD relationships. Topping from the bottom and asking for the help we need in order to not only function properly, but to feel comfortable in the roles of our dynamics.

Topping from the bottom is more than simply making a suggestion or two during the discourse of expressions of dominance and submission, spanking, maintenance or other activities designed to enhance our relationships, clear the air, maintain or express roles. Topping from the bottom is also emotional manipulation, talking over someone else, being deliberately passive aggressive, emotionally distant and or blatantly disobedient.  Thus defined, it becomes clear that topping from the bottom is a huge negative that cannot be allowed to create distance or emotional unrest.

                                                 

I guess from my own HoH perspective, I find it to be indicative of a lack of attention properly applied and paid to the one that we love the most.  I try very hard to make sure that I give June the attention that she needs in order for her to feel loved, confident and assured.  A cursory glance throughout the DD/TTWD/Spanking  lifestyle and relationship universe confirms that in many instances topping from the bottom occurs in a disrespectful and unhealthy fashion as well as disturbing frequency.

Topping from the bottom in a TTWD/DD relationship is not only disrespectful and rude, but it often times masks real emotions and hides the needs of all of those represented. When the time comes to express my role in our relationship I understand that I must be remain emotionally available, attentive and prepared to receive June's needs. Even when there is a need for correction or stress release, I know that more than just giving her what I wish her to feel, I must use my judgement to ascertain  what will be of the most benefit to not only her, but our relationship as well.

I am sometimes humbled and left in awe of the great gift of trust and responsibility that she places in my hands and I assure you ladies and gentlemen, that none of that is lost on me. I know that it takes a  whole lot of trust for her to be able to believe in me, and my intentions for not just her heart and mind, but to trust that I will give her body what it needs, no matter how difficult that may be to accept or go through. I really am humbled by this responsibility and would pass these values along to other men in the pursuit of  happier, healthier relationships!

                                        

Lets talk about physical application for a few moments... sometimes simply allowing ourselves to feel each other requires us to look where it's dark, where we have trouble, where we struggle. Sometimes the things that we need are difficult and navigating these issues with grace requires strength,  a ear that listens and the kind of deep honesty that doesn't sugar coat things that aren't easy to hear... This one goes both ways, by the way... Sometimes the greatest gift that June has given me has been her honesty... Her honesty when it would have been easier to do less, or to put the paddle down and scoop her up into my arms before she released the negativity and the walls had come down, but as we all know, what is easy and what is right are two different things.

The actual act of spanking always requires thought and action, but when the impact that is needed is more emotional than physical, it pays to consider every action, word, thought and deed. From the implements we use (yes even the ones that we don't like so much) to the positions (you know, the ones that help us feel the most submissive)  has to be thought out with thought and care.  Kind words, a soft touch following intensity, and an obvious display of affection and love are all very much required.  In truth you might say that  physicality is easier than emotion and thought and you would very much be right to say so. The physical expression of dominance and submission is just the active expression of two hearts longing to be in sync, indeed sometimes, a firm hand and rod wielded firmly with compassion and love helps to "Tune up the band" so to speak.

                                                      

I have known June long enough to understand her emotions and the way she expresses them. I try very hard to be attentive to her heart, mind, and body and generally speaking I hope that I do a good job of this. Sometimes though, I know when she has a hard time, that I need to be open to her expressing her need for help.  Help in feeling herself, in feeling me. The need for safety, warmth, and security when perhaps things aren't going well with work, school, the kids or life in general.  These are the times that she ask for help, I keep that door open and allow her to come to me anytime.  I guess the difference lies in intent.  Asking for help, and topping from the bottom differentiate themselves. Asking is proactive, asking is acknowledging that we are indeed not superhuman and that at times we need our partner to reach out, take our hand and lead and that despite what life has taught us, despite what the media portrays that it is in fact okay to do so!

We would encourage everyone to ask for help when they need it... It takes strength, heart and a willingness to acknowledge our own weakness, but there in lies the true strength and beauty of our relationships... To do so is to gain ground, growth and emotional providence in the face of stress, adversity and negativity.

                                                   

I'll end by saying that sometimes the hardest things to do are the ones that help us grow the most as a couple. I know that none of these things are easy, but I solemnly promise that they are worth every ounce of time, effort and self-exploration!

                                                                  

                                            

Her POV:

Before we were us, when we were still 'just friends' I asked Daddy if it was okay to ask for something...to try something, for more if needed, for action when it was needed and none seemed forthcoming, or if that was topping from the bottom. He said that no, he did not see it as topping from the bottom to present a need to your Dominant. You are merely helping him to know you and your needs. And you are not making demands, you are simply presenting him with your needs, which is what you are supposed to do... asking him to meet your needs.

The first time we were together, in the cuddling afterglow, I shared with him that he could spank harder. And he did. He wouldn't have known what I needed if I had not shared, but the application was entirely up to him. It was only providing a tool for him. I have continued to share, and he has learned me. I don't need to make as many requests. Because we have open honest and consistent communication, he is able to read my body language, the tone of my vice and give me what I need.

Had I manipulated, had I not been open and honest in expressing my needs he would not have an honest gauge. Manipulation is insidious, and sometimes too easy to do, and in my opinion comes from fear to open ourselves. If I am afraid to tell him I need something, I may think that if I mope, or cry or sigh that he will interpret that I need something. That doesn't always work, and it is manipulative, manipulating his emotions rather than simply saying, "Love, can you please help me, I feel..." Or even, "I don't know how I feel, but I'm not me, and I need to feel your Dominance. Or I need to feel my place. I need to feel safe and cared for. Please help me." It expresses humility, vulnerability and trust.

I am an emotional girl. I have lots of baggage. I have things I feel that I don't always understand. I often feel less, bad, scared. If I were not always honest with him when I felt that way, if I did not ask for his help to find my way through, is that not breaking one of the most fundamental rules of DD? To withhold my heart and my needs from him would be dishonesty, by design and/or omission. Not healthy, and knowing that there was something there and trying to get his reaction without honest communication? - that's topping from the bottom.

I am grateful that he allows me the honesty to give him my heart and my fears and my needs I submit them to him, and I put my trust in him to lead me through.

When it's a Struggle

                                                   


 I'd like to start off by wishing you and your family a happy and healthy New Year.  With the bulk of the holiday season in the rear view mirror,  it's a good time to relax, and review some of the things we loved, and some of the things that caused the most stress during the holiday season and take stock of just where we stand in our relationships.



                                                   

  Do you ever struggle with TTWD/DD? I know I do. It may sound kind of odd to hear that coming from a HoH, but it's true. I try to handle things with the grace, consideration and kindness that is paramount to the position of Head of the House.  That is something that I haven't always gone into here, but believe me when say that, these things are of the utmost importance to me as a Husband, father, and leader.  It is important that I give June's feelings, thoughts, and ideas the consideration that they warrant, I also try to do what I can to take some of the day to day stress from her shoulders so that she can be at her best both at home and when we are away. Is any of this easy?  No, not always but it is worth doing.

One of my own biggest personal barriers to this is stress and fatigue. The holidays were truly wondrous, a beautiful time of giving and sharing, spirituality, family amidst a backdrop of the first truly white Christmas this man has seen in a long time. This was especially special for me as the holiday season  has traditionally been very difficult time for me.  June has helped me with this in innumerable ways, but prior to her and the boys, I would kind of hole up in my proverbial "crystal fortress" and stay there until well after the New Year. The holidays were indeed great, but after looking around it seems that I am definitely not alone in struggling with this time of year.

           

                                            

The struggle is why communication is of even more importance. TTWD/DD is a lifestyle that encourages communication and honesty and it is these roots that we must cling to when life becomes difficult. Indeed when stress threatened during the chaotic uproar of the holidays, I took June's hand and led her upstairs and just held her for a few min. Nothing fancy, just reassurance, connection and a chance to exchange words from the heart.  I fully recognize that it can be very difficult to find time to connect, but trust me when I tell you that if you find a way or make a way to do so, it will be time well spent.

When we struggle with this lifestyle, when simple thoughts sound different, when obedience is hard, when we are just tired, when we just want to retreat for a few min of quiet, when the kids become too loud, when we want to put up walls... We have to stop it before it even starts. Distance and confusion can only cause problems in the long-term, that's why it is far better to open up and talk before a tiny crack becomes a Grand Canyon. 

                                       

When we struggle, we have found that somtimes the best thing to do is to ask for help.  Putting the chores down, setting the soup to simmer, letting the kids figure it out for themsevles for a second and just getting to the heart of our problems, and doing what is best for the relationship.  Sometimes this means giving each other a little space and time to think and process. Sometimes it means my understanding that I didn't make the right choice and being cognizant of this and owning my mistakes.  Sometimes it means putting my pride aside and saying that I was wrong, somtimes it means apologizing and endeavoring to do what it takes to get where we need to be. Sometimes I have to be aware of when she needs me to take control and give her body and mind the release that they need.  Somtimes even when she hasn't broken a rule a good spanking can knock down walls and bring us closer and renew our dedication to what we have talked about and agreed upon. She knows the doors and my arms are always open... in the middle of the night, in the middle of the day. Even when it isn't easy it is what is real and right.

                                                               



When we struggle we are reminded of the need for true vigilance and dedication to each other and our values and the importance of giving and sacrifice even when it is not easy or convenient (which is extremely rare)  An HoH should be humble, wise, observant, kind-hearted, and a good listener. An Hoh's lady should be obedient, open, honest, and caring. Both should be diligent, truthful, dedicated, and have hearts that long for a deep and solid connection that can withstand the stress that life so often brings. I can guarantee that along with death and taxes, the New Year will bring stress and fatigue.  Will I be what June deserves? No, not always, but I will make every effort to give her the attention, time, and love that she needs to thrive.  We would encourage you all to find a way or make a way to work in a little bit of time just for yourselves when things get hard.  If you do nothing but tell each other how you really feel and work on getting where you both need to be it will be time will spent!  

                                                                          

Happy New Year!

                                                             

Her POV:

 Hmm, this was a good one, Daddy :) In the last post, I said that sometimes I need to take that sullenness and hold it back for the moment it takes to realize that what he does he does for our betterment. You know, that goes here, too. I have two jobs, am a full-time student and we have two special needs children. So sometimes taking that spoon out of my hand and turning down the soup is almost an act of war, lol. But When I stop and take a breath, and see myself spinning, and let myself feel what comes through his touch, yes, he is giving me the gift of release of urgency, the gift of dinner-can-be-10-minutes-later-take-a-breath-and feel-US. 

Sometimes I think people think that it is easy for us. But I think it's important to know that we work hard at this...every single day....because it is the most important thing we will ever do, for ourselves, and for our children. No, I am not the happy, glowy little Stepford Wife, I'm the girl with the inside of her cheek chewed up from biting back my knee-jerk reaction, from fighting the eye-roll till I can feel his motivation, and I can feel his desire for harmony, and I can pull mine out past my hurry-up. Is it worth it? Every single time.

Do I need him to take control sometimes? Absolutely...he's the big picture man. Do I need the super-hard-stingy-but-not-naughty-girl-spankings sometimes? Absolutely. They do break down the walls that come with day to day junk. Does he deserve me? Absolutely not....he deserves so much better. But he loves me, and I love him with my entire being. 

Happy New Year to all of you. Remember to stop, and take time for what is really important - each other.

Unfair Spankings

As I mentioned in our last post, Old-Fashioned Marriage's post Punishment for Silence got some mixed feelings in the comments. I can see how people were trepidatious about it, and the original post did use the words 'unfair spanking'. And I can understand that if it were considered as a punishment, that it could well lead to bad feelings.

But I also very much understand the spirit of the post. I commented that Ward and I do something along those lines, and when I sense he is stressed (usually before he tells me, or asks for my help), I will offer myself to him, in the spirit of both my submission and the reciprocity that feeds our relationship.


This line of thought brought me back to something I have pondered since I began reading in blogland. One of the first blogs I found was Stormy's, and one of the first posts on her blog I read was her What About Unfair Spankings?. If you haven't read it, you should, it gives excellent advice on how to get through a correction or discipline spanking that you feel is unjust. A really important point she makes is:
"See it as an opportunity to grow, see it as a jumping off place for communication.
Disagree but do not distrust his INTENT and PURPOSE.
View it as an act of love, submitting during tough times.
Embrace an opportunity to grow in maturity as his wife."



Another blogger handled this same issue, Christina in her post When the HoH Makes an Unfair Decision - Final Lessons. She also makes the point of accepting the HoH's decision to discipline with grace, remaining respectful and putting it more in the frame of maintenance or role reaffirmation.

My quandary is in our kinds of relationships, where we have given our men the authority to take us in hand, whether it be for correction/punishment, discipline/role-affirmation, or just-because they want to, how do we then say that it's unfair? I know that Ward and I are a little different in that we do sometimes use spanking for pleasure (we use it for correction, discipline, fun, and if the spanking game takes off, for profit *grin*). But we have similar experiences in the DD portion of our dynamic. I may not necessarily have to think I need to be spanked, but my HoH does. And it's my job to submit with grace. How then can I even begin to assert that he is being unfair? Doesn't that speak to consensual non-consent? *(see end of post)


So that got me thinking about where the thought comes from. And something in OFM's post, or perhaps the comments, tickled something in my brain that I am still struggling to grasp - one of those just beyond fully formed thoughts - just the other side of understanding. What if the feeling of unfairness comes about as a result of anger? What if the HoH is angry?




What if he is unable to put aside the tensions of his day when you come to the place of discipline? What if he is angry because it is a repeated offense, or one that is grievously dangerous to his woman? What if there is argument/contention/frustration in the discussion? What if he says something that, in a highly emotional moment, is cutting to the heart of the submissive wife? What if he does not effectively communicate why he believes correction or discipline is necessary? When the husband explains what has brought them to that place, and then explains why it is damaging to the relationship, it is easier for the wife to come to a place of acceptance. But when it's not communicated at all,or is not communicated in a clear manner, or the why is omitted, it makes it harder to submit with grace.






Ward and I talked about this post as I was writing, I fleshed out ideas with him, and asked him if I was expressing myself clearly. He has some interesting thoughts that he will share as well (thank you, my heart). And he said that it should be left at a place to open discussion. So I invite you please to share your thoughts and feelings on this post,maybe we can all come to a place of better understanding.



HIS POV: 
Sometimes making decisions is a difficult process. Sometimes it's even more difficult to do right by the one you love and the relationship you share.  June and I have a unique relationship that isn't so much defined by punishment or correction as it is enhanced and made stronger by it.

Spanking is a lot of things, but it is rarely, if ever, convenient or easy.  That is why I think that it is important that spanking be something that we don't just rush into or hurry through. It's worth doing well, thoroughly, and right.

It's easy to understand that sometimes, a disagreement or miscommunication can occur, but these things should be handled with care. Submission with grace, along with truly listening - and hearing - what each other say, is a recipe for success.

I would also make note that an even temper and knowing when a spanking is not optimal is also a valuable thing for an HoH/Top to know and understand.  Spanking in anger, or out of frustration is weak, juvenile, ineffective and at it's worst harmful.  A spanking, especially a disciplinary one has to be born of love and a will and desire to improve not only behavior but the relationship as a whole. 

There is a world of difference between what is fair and what is right, realizing this, I endeavor to do right by us and ours in all things.

 **************

*Consensual non-consent is a concept that is common to all manner of D/s relationships. If this is a term you have not heard before, or are not sure how it fits into a CDD/LDD/DD type D/s relationships, I offer these two resources:
Taken in Hand - The nature and effects of consensual non-consent

"Nonconsensual" Consent? A guideline to consent in CDD

The Pledge (Erotica)

The truth is
when I look at you
something changes in me.

Something I thought I had lost,
something I thought
 I would never find
appears in front of me
warm and writhing from my attention.

The prized gift
of love and submission
fills me
with the kind of pride
that some people
can only dream
and search a lifetime for.

The sweet softness of your skin,
the taste of your lips
and the warmth
that springs from you
inspire me to be more,

And this more
is what I long to give you.
I can only do my best,
and to that
I pledge myself to you
I love you...

Ward ~ 12-2011
**************************
Ward wrote this one for me, how lovely is that?

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 17

What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

The short answer? Everything.

If I did not trust to a certain extent, I could never submit at all. If I did not trust him with my heart and soul. he would not know that most vulnerable part of me, not only physically, but mentally. That part of me observed him for a while, judged him worthy, stuck a toe out, jerked in back in and waited for the strike. And none came. He was kind, tender, sweet, and enchanted. He saw her, no matter how fast she retreated. and he smiled, big and warm and held out his hand.

If he was not trustworthy we could not have come as far as we have come. If he was not trustworthy I could not have laid myself bare before him. I could not have showed him all the broken, damaged pieces of me. I could not have revealed my desires, and my needs for fear of being not 'kinky' enough. He assured me that my needs and desires were quite compatible with his, that I wasn't weird because I didn't need all the harder things. He took all the broken pieces, held them in his hand, polished them, breathed life into them, and reassembled them. He ignored the gaps and the weak spots, and he loved me - loves me in all my perfect imperfection.

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 9

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Well, yes. It's Daddy's job to keep order, to establish rules that move us to where we want to be. I've seen some rules that others have and they are prohibitive (yeah - yeah - no pun intended). They seem kind of frivolous. The rules that Daddy makes are rules that keep destructive influences out of our relationship.

Our rules so far are pretty simple, the basic 4 D's - no disrespect, danger, dishonesty, disobedience. Daddy added: no distance (bad habit & I think I'm being considerate when I do it - go figure), no self-deprecation (I have very poor self-image), no bad language (umm - yeah :">), and that I will engage in self-care (I overlook my own needs in favor of everyone else), no fit-throwing ("It would be beneficial for you, little one, if I did not find out you threw a fit" - when I said I was gunna throw a fit cause the post office lost an important package - ummm, yes, Sir :-> My behavior is a reflection of him).

I like structure. I like being under his authority. I understand the reasons for all the rules, they are not arbitrary, they benefit me as a submissive, us as a couple and our relationship. I'm content with what he has put in place, and grateful that he has given such thoughtful consideration to things that will enrich us and help us to grow.

Affirmations

I had a really bad day yesterday. It started off okay. Then I read something that took me back to a very bad place in my life, to the place I talked about in a previous post about abuse. I was full out little, totally regressed to my 6-year-old self. And a really strange thing happened - the thing I read made me afraid of someone - a friend's Daddy, and I didn't know why. I didn't really understand what I was feeling, I just knew I was feeling it.

Then came that magic time of the day, and talking to Daddy. Daddy is seamless, he saw little me, and he went full out Daddy. He asked why I was afraid of my friend's Daddy. I said I didn't know, but what if he didn't like me and then didn't want my friend to be my friend any more, cause I was bad or weird or _____ (fill in the blank). Daddy said, anyone who knows me knows I am a good girl. Any one who knows me knows I am a respectful girl. And that is why I am his girl. Yup....he made it all better.


I talked to another "little" friend this morning and told her some of the lovely things Daddy had said. And I told her I had actually cried over the things that had happened so long ago - I never had cried about them before. And I guess that was because for the first time I felt safe. For the first time I knew someone would catch me when I fell....because surely I would fall. She said she was jealous of the affirmations Daddy gives me. So I asked  if she could tell her Daddy that that was important to her. And she thought that was something she could try to do.

 
Then I thought a few moments, and sent another text. I told her not to forget that Daddies (Tops/Doms/Masters) need affirmations, too. I tell Daddy all the time, how important he is to me, how much I love him, that he is my hero. I tell him how he helps me. I thank him....for everything...he does so much for me. When he knows things are important to me, he goes out of his way to do them. It delights me, I thank him.






I think he is devastatingly handsome. Sometimes I'll see a picture and smile and my heart will flutter. I'll send him a text to tell him, "Dang, Daddy, just caught a glimpse of a picture and got the vapors!" One of my personal fears is not being enough. Sometimes Daddy worries that he can't give me all the things he thinks I need. So I tell him, all I need is him. He is home. Doesn't matter if we're in a cardboard box, a trailer or a nice modest house (don't need a mansion....too much to clean), if he is there it is perfect.

 

All I need is someone to walk in the door and smile and have 'home' show on their face just because I'm there. Or wrap their arms around me while I cook, or do laundry, or garden. I need someone whose voice will be full of delight, simply because they are talking to me. I need someone who will sit on the floor and play a game or watch a movie with me and the boys. I need someone who loves us, just because. He smiled and said then I'll just keep doing that, I'll just keep showing you. And I smiled and said that's all that I need.

We have to remember, no matter what role our partner fulfills, they are human. They need, too. They need to be filled and feel appreciated. They need to know how very important their presence in our lives is. Just because he is a dominant doesn't mean he is bottomless. Lots of times they experience  things in their day that they try to shield us from. They need those soft, sweet words and gentle touches as much as we do. We have to keep the energy flowing, if we don't we stagnate.

So the next time you look at your partner and feel that flutter, or your breath catches in your throat, or your blood rushes, or you sadness or anxiety disappears, the next time he touches you and you bite your lip, and get goosebumps, tell him, and thank him for being there.

Transformation

Scared and sacred are spelled with the same letters. Awful proceeds from the same root word as awesome. Terrify and terrific. Every negative experience holds the seed of transformation - Alan Cohen 

 One of my favorite songs, and one of the first songs I gave to Ward is "Turning Page", which is on the playlist for this blog. And the line in the song that first spoke to me echoes the picture above:
"I surrender who I am
to who you are"

I love that line. It speaks to transformation. Transformation speaks of something deeper, to me, than change. Change is to cause something to be different. How many of us have been in relationships where we have been told we were loved, and then constantly told how we need to change? 

You know those helpful comments. Oh, you've really gained weight since that picture! I know this is completely not your style, but it will look so much better on you that what you wear. You really need a new job, they don't pay you enough.

Where change means to make something different, change your shoes, your clothes, your hair, your job, the stores you shop at, transformation means to change the function or condition of something, to convert it. Transformation is magical. When I met Ward, I had given up hope. I thought there was no one who could love me in my perfect imperfection. I felt pretty much broken. Did he fix me?

 Well he's working on it. It's a big job. Is he trying to change my clothes? My body? My shoes? My job? No. Well then by golly, how in the world is he fixing you? 


He is working on transforming my thoughts. He is working on transforming my beliefs about  myself, my abilities and my worth. Every time I beat myself down, he lifts me back up. Every time I feel defeated, he shows me where the victories lie. And he has shown me that all the work will make us stronger. 

I have said I cannot say I regret any of the things that have happened in my life, no matter how sad or how badly they broke me. Because every choice, every experience, every single one has made me who I am, every single one has brought me to where I am. Those experiences brought me my children, and brought me Ward. 

And I have landed in gentle, guiding hands that have lifted me up and taught me that I can still fly.

His POV:

Sometimes the greatest gift of all is unconditional  love and acceptance. Transformation, becoming deeper, adding a layer of love and strength goes so much deeper than words can say. June grows to blossom and I stand as a Titan because of her love and her confidence in my leadership and  love... and for that I will always be honored and humbled to call myself her Man.