That is me, I own that

 

Something happened, something small and what would be innocuous, even enticing for most people, but because of my past, it immediately set me on my heels. I felt small and so confused. I am his. I love him like no other. I know he is safe, more than that he is MY safety. He would never hurt me. He owns me, there is nothing I should not be able to give him. I felt bad and sad and scared, and unsubmissive and like I was holding back, and mad at myself.

We talked about it and I asked forgiveness, and he said there was nothing to forgive, but in my heart, there was. I cried for two days. When I had therapy I spoke to my therapist about it. And in talking what I discovered was that I found it scary because I could not accept my own sexuality, my own appeal. I understand that from him, this was a compliment, this was him expressing his desire. That's not how I have ever experienced that before. Not as a child exposed to things no child should know, not ever as an adult. My prior partners made it quite plain that I was not beautiful, they were sexual with me simply out of their own physical need, not because it was me with whom they were seeking intimacy.

She said I was good at talking out of both sides of my mouth...what? She said that I speak of the level of trust that we have, but I don't trust his opinion of me....wow... She said she knows it is because of what I have heard all my life, what I have always been told, that it has become my truth. She said that we learn to believe what we hear. So now, when Daddy says something good about me, or anyone really, even if I don't believe it, I am to say "That is me, I own that." If my mind hears my mouth saying that, that will become my truth. so I'm trying.....and Daddy is helping. He says I am beautiful...That is me...I own that...

 
HIS POV: 

Open arms and ears to listen, sometimes these are my greatest tools as a Husband and an HoH. June knows I would never intentionally do something to harm her or make her feel uncomfortable in any way. The traumas that we don't talk about, the traumas from childhood, the ones that still affect us... they are the hardest to handle and heal from. This situation taught me several things, namely that I  can give June my support when she is struggling, listen  and continue to show her that my desire for her, love, and intimacy are borne of a genuine desire to share something beautiful and pure with her and her alone. DD/TTWD can give us so much, but sometimes something as simple as unconditional love and support .

I belong to him...

I am cooking, he comes up behind me,
turns down the burners, takes the spoon from my hand
leads me upstairs.....
I belong to him.

We are talking, some situation, I am frustrated
Do I hear his assurances?
He pulls me down across his lap,
not for spanking, he assures,
just so I can stop and focus on his words....
I belong to him.

I am done work for the night,
log off and go to the kitchen
to fetch the laundry for folding.
He takes the clothes from my hands
kisses my neck and says
they'll be there in the morning, I'll help
Time for bed, little one.
I belong to him.

Fresh from the shower
he meets me, wraps his arms around me
bites my necks softly, pinning my arms
whispering, it's time for your spanking, little one,
go to the box and choose something wood and something leather
I see the ramp and the brush, and on the bed
I  kneel on the bed, bottom high, chest pressed to the bed
He growls approvingly - that's beautiful presentation, my love.
I belong to him.

Sometimes soft leather tinged flight,
other times hard, not correction,
but meant to clear the fog and the muddle
or the self-doubt and insecurity that
crowds out the good
When it becomes too much,
when tears come, when I struggle
soft caresses, soft words,
kisses that drink in my tears
It's okay, Daddy's here, I've got you,
you're mine, hear my voice,
you are good, you are worthy,
you are beautiful, you please me.
you are mine.
I belong to him.

Something happens, innocuous,
but it brings back tsunami's of the past,
of hurt, of shame, of things
that should never happen to children.
He sees my tears, and takes my task from my hands
pulls me to his chest, presses his lips to my forehead
wraps me tight into him, strokes softly,
kisses and wipes tears, and reassures...soft... sweet
Daddy has you. I love you, I always will.
Nothing can make me forget that,
It only makes me love you more.
You are mine. No one will ever hurt you again.
You are safe.
I belong to him.

Waking in the night
my chest burning, gulping air,
fingers clenching....what?
Daddy?.....
Shhhh, baby, it's just a bad dream, Daddy's here
You're safe, I won't let anyone hurt you.
Be a good girl and go back to sleep.
I belong to him.

His fingers wound through my hair
I belong to him.
Pulling my face to his
I belong to him.
His lips on mine
I belong to him.
His fingers stroking my skin
I belong to him.
His voice in my ears
I belong to him.

HIS POV:  What can I say except I love you?!! Your touching words strike a chord somewhere deep in my heart. Your submission and love are the two greatest gifts that I've received and to be your steward, to be the one that you turn to.. to own you it is truly a privilege and a high reward that I hope to be worthy of. Your love and pure affection elevate me. You are a pleasure to call mine and I am blessed to be yours as well.

Commmunication, Intimacy and Outside Advice

 

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are undeniably one of the most successful couples in Hollywood, and I do not just mean in terms of their bank accounts, I mean in terms of intimate collateral within their relationship, and within their family. They are close, grounded in themselves and in each other, and their children...are children, and are happy and secure outside of their own personal successes.

I have long been impressed with Will and Jada's commitment to each other. I remember them many years ago appearing on Oprah. She asked what it takes for a strong relationship, and how in the face of having high-profile careers, they seemed to grow closer and more committed. Will's answer was astounding, and I wish more men would have taken it to heart. Funnily enough, Will's message fits so tightly into the philosophy of a TTWD relationship.

Will said:

I think a lot of people think that when you have money, that everything gets really easy, Hell Naw! Jada and I have been together for 17 years. If you look at it like a sports record, we are probably like 15 and 2. When we got started, we both truly connected on wanting to be better. That’s where it all started. There were other people that we were dating and other people that we were attracted to, but there was a commitment to constantly be better that was what we connected on. Our whole world and relationship was that, “Hey, I know that I may not be all of that today but what I’m not going to do is lay around and not keep working to be better to deserve you.”

Jada has made me a better person than anyone on earth could have every done. There is nobody on Earth at this point that in my life and in my career with the successes and the things that I’ve done, there is nobody on Earth that I would still try to be better for. [...] Jada is a beast. Just her passion,  power, and relentless unwillingness to let me lay down at night when I’ve only done 92 percent of what I was supposed to do that day, holds me to a higher standard.

 

He says that we don't stop working when we 'catch' the other person. That that is when we work harder every single day to let that person know how important they are in your world. That we have to do things, give things even when we're tired to let that person know they are the most important thing in the world to us.

Jada is no slouch in the advice department. I follow her on Facebook and the lady gives some very sage advice. An article she had caught my eye, and I thought it was pertinent here.

You will occasionally see Ward and myself bring a personal issue here. You will never see us bring it here before we have worked through it never, ever before we are right with each other. When we do share personal things, it is with the hope that it can help someone else through a situation. But we have to be careful with this neighborhood we have here. Yes we talk to our friends when we are challenged, but should you not talk to your best friend first? Especially if you have a problem with them?

Ward is my best friend. If there is something that goes on between us, forgive me, this is not the place for that quandary. He is my leader. He is my guide. He is the one to help me to the other side of any issue. I wonder when I see people bring things here if they have done the hard work with their spouse first. I'm not saying it's not okay to use this forum that we have been gifted for processing, but the hard work is not to be done with our friends here, it's to be done with our partners. I simply cannot say it more eloquently than Jada:

“It is dangerous,” she explains to the magazine about sharing relationship issues with pals. “Intimacy is a very complicated thing. There is nothing I could ever say to anyone that would give them a clear understanding of what happens between us – so why get anyone involved?”

Instead, Jada discusses everything with Will.

“[Will and I] work all that out with each other; that’s part of being in an intimate relationship. If you are giving your life to someone and this is the only person you deeply love, then you should be able to come to that person with anything. There shouldn’t be a person I need to talk to outside of him. And I don’t want my friends, who have a great affinity for both of us, to feel like they have to take sides.”

I want that and I am willing to put the hard work in every single day with my man to have it. I am willing to work hard and turn to him and build our intimate collateral.

HIS POV:

Every day we put the time and effort into our relationship to develop and maintain the deep intimacy that we both need and crave. It takes a constant effort and awareness to ensure that we arrive where we need to be. When I struggle, when I have insecurities, when we need to address an issue, I come to my June and we fight through to the right side of the  issue

Understanding how to communicate, the value of communication, and how it relates to intimacy is a treasure to June and I and we strive every day to place each other at the forefront of our hearts and minds.