Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 9

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Well, yes. It's Daddy's job to keep order, to establish rules that move us to where we want to be. I've seen some rules that others have and they are prohibitive (yeah - yeah - no pun intended). They seem kind of frivolous. The rules that Daddy makes are rules that keep destructive influences out of our relationship.

Our rules so far are pretty simple, the basic 4 D's - no disrespect, danger, dishonesty, disobedience. Daddy added: no distance (bad habit & I think I'm being considerate when I do it - go figure), no self-deprecation (I have very poor self-image), no bad language (umm - yeah :">), and that I will engage in self-care (I overlook my own needs in favor of everyone else), no fit-throwing ("It would be beneficial for you, little one, if I did not find out you threw a fit" - when I said I was gunna throw a fit cause the post office lost an important package - ummm, yes, Sir :-> My behavior is a reflection of him).

I like structure. I like being under his authority. I understand the reasons for all the rules, they are not arbitrary, they benefit me as a submissive, us as a couple and our relationship. I'm content with what he has put in place, and grateful that he has given such thoughtful consideration to things that will enrich us and help us to grow.

Correction and Gratitude

Here is a subject that makes me squirmy, and I don't like to talk about, and I don't like to receive, and immediately puts
me in little-space (can we have the 'Doom' song please?)
...correction. And I only bring it up because Daddy has made several posts on spankings, and we kind of just brushed over this aspect.







Daddy does not like the term punishment, it has a negative connotation, it is about retribution rather than transformation. It implies resentment and distance. Daddy prefers the term correction. Correction implies putting something back on the right course, to wipe clean the slate and start fresh. It means that Daddy does not collect resentment stamps about my mistakes, and I don't collect resentment stamps that he delivered on his responsibility in a consistent and diligent manner.




Some people assume that if spanking is used in other ways in the relationship, or the submissive enjoys being spanked that it cannot be used effectively as correction. And again, this is what works for us, every dynamic is different, your mileage may vary. Spanking as a form of correction works for us quite effectively. When Daddy sits me on his lap and says he thinks we need to talk about _____ (fill in the blank), I feel incredibly contrite, and I am acutely aware of how my actions have affected our relationship. The fact that my behavior has disappointed him is nearly crushing. The spanking will be harder, faster, longer and more painful. It will not be fun. It will not be something I want to do again (not the thing that brought on the spanking, nor certainly not the spanking).

So now everyone is saying, okay, so where and HOW does gratitude come in? Daddy loves me enough to pull me back from destructive behaviors. He loves me enough to give me what I need. He loves me enough to drive the change, even when it is difficult for him (and correction IS difficult for the D-type). He values our relationship enough to keep us on the course we have set. He loves me enough to offer forgiveness, and show me how to forgive myself. He values us enough to pull us back from distance to reconciliation.

Even though it is unpleasant to experience, it has to be acknowledged that correction is given with the intent of regaining and maintaining closeness, and of deepening the relationship. Correction is meant to break down walls and resistance and move us towards forgiveness, a deeper trust  and better communication.

Rules

I just posted the rules we currently have in place. And thought I'd take the opportunity to expand on those here.
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1) No disrespect

           Well, this one is one of the 4 D's of DD. It's pretty much a no brainer. And it's not just a rule for the     s-type. There should be mutual respect and courtesy, listening to each other, actually hearing each other, considering the other person's feelings, thoughts and desires, and not discounting the other person.

2) No disobedience
           Another of the 4 D's. I am expected to be obedient to Daddy direction, and not just the letter of the law, but the spirit of the law (read that no testing/pushing - well you could *grin*, but there are consequences). But I am not inherently a pusher anyway.

3) No dishonesty
           Another "D". This one gets tricky, because dishonesty can take on many insidious forms. If I omit telling something because I know I'll get in trouble, I lied. If I keep my feelings back because I think they are unreasonable and I can work it out, that's lying by omission, too, and it doesn't give him the opportunity to address my feelings and insecurities.

4) No danger

           Another "D". Nothing dumb like ignoring health, drinking and driving, texting and driving.

5) No distance

           This is a custom "D" for us - and funnily enough I found today on that fellow blogger Stormy has as well. I have these little wars with myself, things I think will stress Daddy, over things he has no control over. So I keep them inside instead of talking to him about them. Then I get kinda quiet and a little short in my responses, like I'm afraid I'll give too much away. I hadn't even realized till I read Stormy's blog post on distance that it was pretty passive-aggressive. Like I'm kind of holding him responsible for the things he can't control. It's his duty and I do understand that. I'm grateful to Stormy for that insight. I was already trying to stop. Had asked Daddy for help with that rule, cause sometimes he's aware days before I am. But armed with that insight, I will be extra vigilant.

6) No self-deprecation

           I am a beautiful, vibrant woman, with a good heart (Daddy's words). I am not permitted to make self-deprecating remarks. I am to try to see myself in the manner in which Daddy sees me. And believe him when he tells me. This one kind of feeds into the respect one, if you think about it. If I denigrate myself, I am questioning both his judgment and his veracity.  Like the one above, that gives me extra incentive to follow this rule.

7) No bad language

           I am an intelligent woman, and I can represent myself better than using vulgar words to punctuate my speech. Young ladies do not use unseemly language.
8) I will engage in self-care
            Daddy will provide opportunities for me to take care of myself. When I am rested and relaxed, I bring better energy into our home. When Daddy provides those opportunities I will not use them to do extra things around the house. If Daddy provides funds for self-care, I will use them for their intended purpose, not things for the house or other family members.
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The list will grow and evolve as we do, I'm sure, and that's what this is all about, isn't it? Growth. 

His POV:

Rules are that which allow us to form the basis of structure. I love June more than I can easily tell you.  And it is with love in mind that these rules are created. Many of these rules may seem obvious, but all of them are designed with the best interest of our relationship in mind. I could never ask her to do something that I don't do myself and I would never seek to stifle, I'm sure there may be more rules added in time but we think this is a good start!