Healthy Masculinity

                                         

 What makes a man a man? Is it a fondness for booze, sex, sports, video games? Is it  the clothes he wears or the size of his bank account:? Is it something deeper than that? Is it how he treat others? His wife and children? Well folks I'd say it's many things, and I'd like to spend a little time today discussing a need for men everywhere to stand up and make their voices heard. I was discussing this very topic with June the other morning and it comes to my attention that nobody's teaching  today's boys how to be men, and frankly that makes me sad.

In the media driven culture we live in, we are taught to adopt an ideology that says  that a healthy masculinity does not exist, that a woman can't be happy unless she "has it all"... you know the high-level corporate position, fictitious waist size, the mini-van.... all of it.  We are also sadly led to believe that  men are hapless, juvenile idiots who have no hope of managing themselves let alone their families... you've seen it, you know the commercial where the husband looks like a clueless adolescent.  Even the way we educate children ... during recess (which is sadly a dying concept) boys at play are unfairly branded as troublemakers and even simple games  that where once commonplace are often prohibited or unfairly vilified (cowboys and Indians, tag, capture the flag.)  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that  masculinity has become a downplayed and unwelcome concept in modern society.

                                                                         

 

                       

                           

 

I would call out to my HoH brothers and entreat them to display the benefits of their masculinity in their relationships.  Healthy masculinity is thoughtful, balanced, kind, and courageous. These qualities, when nurtured by the thoughtful accentuation of a loving TiH make for a complete relationship dynamic that provides for the emotional needs of everybody under the roof.  Personally the way I see it, the onus falls upon me as the HoH to ensure that I not only be unapologetic in my healthy expressions of manhood... I must also do it right... I must be an example to two growing boys and show them that the way one carries oneself speaks volumes not just about themselves, but their families as well.  I want to teach my sons that being a real man isn't about being the flashiest or loudest, it's not about treating others poorly or walking with a "swagger" it's not about being boastful, it's not about having a self-centered attitude... Being a man is about confidence, poise, intelligence, grace, kindness, RESPONSIBILITY, and with a grace and thoughtfulness that speaks to the quality of person he is.

I will also admit that I do have certain hobbies and pass-times... I am an avid sports fan.... (love basketball and football)  I love reading, I love to cook. I also understand that as the head of my home, that sometimes these hobbies and interests that I have accrued over a lifetime, need to be put aside in order for my wife and children to benefit from my presence. Family time also seems to be an area where many modern families struggle in a variety of ways.  Just as surely as a child needs a mother, a child surely needs a father. Sadly,  one does not have to look very far in order to see the evidence displayed in homes where a father or father figure is not present. It really does break my heart to see children, but especially young men adrift and rudderless without the guidance, mentoring and a strong but compassionate voice of experience that helps guide and shape them.  There comes a time when we must put away the things that distract us, sacrifice our time, energy, and attention and provide a better product to the people that depend on us. 

                                                   

Now that we've discussed the responsibilities of men, there are a few other things I would like to say to the Media, to society, to our school systems and yes even to ladies everywhere... There are some things that many men do that, to put quite mildly, are ridiculous. Being inattentive to one's loved ones is obviously wrong. Some of the things I mentioned in paragraph one go beyond basic irritation at the media and society at large.  I recognize that the male sex does have particular challenges,  but I guess my question becomes: Why do we expect boys and men not to be boys and men? It even starts at school on the playground, and I know I've previously mentioned this, but why is it so wrong to play tag or cops and robbers?  Some would say that the trouble comes when boys stay boys and never become men.  Those people would be right.

In order to galvanize and develop healthy masculinity in boys and enrich them to the point of producing quality men, we must all play a roll.  Realistic expectations, firm guidance, and leadership, both male and female is a requirement for male children.  Jumping forward to the future, men must recognize the characteristics that make masculinity important and relevant.  These are some of the things that a man, (especially a man in a DD/TTWD relationship) must espouse on a daily basis.

- Integrity

-Intelligence

-Honor

-Discipline

-Fidelity

-Courageousness

-Experience

-Love

-Thoughtfulness

These things and many more are what defines how a man is perceived by not just the world, but his family as well. By being thoughtful, thorough, and tangible we not only better ourselves and our families, we improve the world around us as well.

                                                                                             

Her POV:

      

 Ward is without a doubt the finest man I have ever known. He is kind, he is sweet, he is considerate, he is empathetic and compassionate. He is strong, and he is unquestionably the leader of this family.

You will have heard me say before that he is possessing of quiet command. He is not loud, he is not boisterous, he is not vulgar. He doesn't have to be. The man only needs to walk into a room to garner attention. He exudes confidence and a certain very masculine magnetism.

He would, as the song says, walk on water, walk through fire, and literally give up his life to be all that he could. My Daddy is a man who does not need to sing his own praises (I'll do that for him), he proves in every thought, every deed, every word, ever action what kind of a man he is, and the great capacity of his heart.

He took a woman so broken, and he made me whole. He took two children with greater than average challenges, and he loved them in a way they have never, ever been loved by another man. He is teaching them about truth and integrity and honesty, and what a man's word means. Daddy is the greatest gift I have ever been given, and because the creator saw fit to put him in my life, I am able to give our children a gift of immeasurable value.

The ripples of my Daddy's strength and goodness will spread gently through the future in the actions of our sons, who learned what it means to be a man in the heart of this man I love with my all.

Renewal (Spring has Sprung!)

                                                          

                                          

Unless the robin with a worm in his bill is confused, it appears that spring has indeed sprung!

After a long winter, cold, dark, wet, etc, winter, it is indeed good to see signs of warmth and life returning.  The sky is a lovely robin's egg blue complete with fluffy white clouds. The grass has become lively and green suddenly overnight  (a reminder that soon I and our oldest will be mowing it) I can almost picture the first cookout of the season and I can't wait to break out my trusty old fishing pole.  Indeed life is good, and with in a few short weeks in addition to shorts and flip-flops, we will have the first faint visions of summer.  Spring is often associated with the rebirth, refreshment, and renewal of life and resources.  We consider the concept of renewal and it can easily be applied to our lives and our lifestyle.

                                                     

Renewal speaks to the effort that we give our relationships, it speaks to our desire to seek that which is greater than common and yes, it speaks to what we hold closest in this world. This won't be an overly long or wordy post, but as spring dawns and we shake off the insulated grip of the winter blahs, we would encourage you to seek the sunny warmth of  each other.  Winter with it's short, dark , wet days can sometimes have more than just a negative visual effect, it has been proven that winter and emotions tend to magnify each other. Ever had a day that shouldn't have been so difficult? Unnecessary communication hiccups? Arguments about nothing? I won't put all the blame on winter, but as you can probably atest, the darkness and rough weather don't help either.  Thus we turn to each other for light and warmth. The comfort that men and women find each other is often a superlative source of  confidence and strength.

                                                            

Spend some time this weekend rediscovering, and reawakening to each other. Go for a long drive, fire up the grill, spend some time outdoors with each other. Spend some time sharing with each other and renewing the bonds that you have developed, along with a deeper closeness, and a richer communication. From our family to yours, we hope that you all enjoy and delight in the first fruits of the season. Celebrate not just the time of year, but the commitment you have to each other in your hearts!

                                                 

        
Her POV:                    

I have recurrent major depression, so lack of sun sometimes weighs heavy on me. By the end of a long winter, it feels like I am swaddled down so deep under piles and piles of blankets. When the weather becomes more mild, and I see those hopeful little blossoms poke their heads above the ground, I feel like those weights slide down my arms and off. And I look forward to having my hands in the dirt. It's kind of emotionally symbolic...kind of  a physical expression of the renewal of which Daddy speaks.

Those are things we love to do, plant, do our chores to brighten and renew our environment and then sit in our garden,  smell the good smells of earth, and green, and hold hands watching the kids do acrobatics on the slip-n-slide, and welcoming cold wet little bodies into our towel lined arms. And then there are hose fights washing the car or water the gardens. Finishing up the day with a cool breeze and Daddy's grill skills or a cold picnic on the lawn.

It's funny, but none of the things that we value cost a cent. It's that connection. It's the value of time that we give each other. It's the investment in each other. Taking that time to listen, to actually hear, to connect with no distractions, to touch, not only an arm, a face, but hearts and souls...what a wonderful way to rededicate ourselves to the ones that matter most.