DD/TTWD, Spanking, and Self-Discovery

                                                        

                                                                    

DD/TTWD is truly an amazing, vibrant lifestyle. We get the benefit of learning and being even more mindful of our partner's ideas, thoughts, dreams and desires. Even though June and I came into our relationship "as is", we have also discovered much about each other. When we were at the "feeling out" stage of our relationship,  there was certainly some trepidation about some of the things that we both felt and enjoyed. We have routinely  been delighted to find out that our communication has  led to us  being completely and utterly on the same page. June and I have come to realize that we probably belong to a sub-category of DD/TTWDers that may in fact be all our own.  We have alluded to, suggested, and even plainly stated that we are in fact spanking enthusiasts as well as a practicing DD/TTWD couple.

                                                                  

 I guess to some that might seem like an oxymoron, but June and I couldn't imagine life any other way. We also know that there are quite a few professed "spank-nos" out there.  I would also go a bit further and dare ask a question.... What if the line were blurred? What would happen if spanking wasn't used strictly for correction? What would happen if you discovered a wonderful tool that led to you talking more, touching more, kissing more, and making love deeper and stronger?  I'm sure you're all saying that it's easy for me to say and that my own backside isn't on the line, but truth is that far beyond correction or even discipline, there is something about spanking that calls to our shared sense of intimacy. It's more than just sexy, it's more than just something we do, it's who we are and what we share with nobody else. It brings us clarity, focus and speaks deep of the devotion that we hone daily.

                                                                                                 

                                           

 It doesn't necessarily have to be spanking.  We realize  that everyone is different, unique, special. That is in fact part of the magic of relationships. Romance, dedication and communication can unveil more than what simply passes a passionate fancy... No, sometimes intimate, connective time unveils a deeper side of our relationship. The kind we guard, the kind we have a thirst for... Those defining intimate moments that you savor while you are at work and pop into your head while you are doing a load of laundry. Even now typing this I am reminded of the thirst I have for June's love, affection, touch and sweet, soft kindness.  Every day in every way this energy, this intimacy defines a relationship.  June and I just happen to think that spanking in it's many sumptuous forms happens to be a perfect vehicle for this.

                                                              

Self-discovery begins with but a few words, communication is the key. Do you have a unrequited passion that you long to share with your partner? Tell them, show them how you feel, and that it's more than that tingly feeling  or something that curls your toes.  Trepidation much?  Sometimes the only way to gain new ground is to take the first step and give voice to our thoughts, dreams, and yes, desires.  Likewise, take the time to give ear to the voice of your partner... Work together to find that special place that belongs to you as a couple and you as a couple alone.  Find that spark, let if blossom into the beautiful flames of deep intimacy. 

                                                  

 Knowing these things, DD/TTWD has actually improved in every aspect for us.  That connection we speak of, that intimacy drives us to be our best. June is the best woman that I've ever had the pleasure to know, and she puts everything into being loving wife, mother, and best friend.  DD/TTWD also makes me want to be a better man, to be a good father and to bring love and light to our family. Who would have thought a teensy, tiny little spanking would do all that?!





                               

Her POV:

I was raised in a culture of guilt. I accept the blame for everything, and I mean everything. I stress from life in general, I didn't do well enough, I didn't give enough, I shouldn't have been annoyed at the children, the laundry wasn't done, I didn't finish an assignment, dinner was delayed or something happened along the way and a step took longer than it should have. I am my own worst critic.

I take things to heart. Sometimes I am overly sensitive. Things are said that are innocuous, but I get upset. Or just the trials of life, things beyond  our control, I fret, and knowing how much is on his plate, hold them in, effectively building walls. I rely on him to help me. Spankings break down those walls and keep us stripped and open, close and communicating.

At other times there is nothing as intimate as laying yourself bare across his lap, open for his touch, in all the ways he chooses to touch you. It is a wonderful, warm, soft, surrendered, vulnerable, cared for, loved, protected feeling. It, too, is stripped away intimacy.

Spanking for us is the tool, the vehicle that we use to drive our relationship. I look to him to support me as I support him, to elevate me as I elevate him, to hold me accountable, to change my 'stinkin' thinkin', to correct me when I stray from our truth, to help me be open, soft, feminine and vulnerable. For us, these things often start with me across his lap, with his leadership and my trust,with my vulnerability and his acceptance, and with the gift to each other of authenticity, of his Dominance and my submission.

June's Journey and What Spanking Means to Her

You've seen in some previous posts that Daddy will often give me submission exercises to help me feel my place, to expand and understand my submission. These can be physical tasks, or they can be to investigate starting a blog, or to write an essay. Recently he texted me from work and instructed me to write an essay detailing how I feel about spanking, what it feels like, what it does for me and what it means to me.

What emerged was something of my road-map to our dynamic, my road-map home. I asked Daddy if I could share this here.

         

We've talked about how I came into being a spanko before. I just came this way. From my earliest memories, I was fascinated by it, read and cut out all the Dear Abby & Anne Landers posts about it (I can still remember one of them by heart - how weird is that?). As a young adult, I sought stories about spanking. No Internet then, so harder to find people to connect with, or articles, forums - anything where I could have discovered more about myself and my desires. 

Then came the Internet and access to videos - and really? - . Not those crazy contrived scenes, naughty school girls,  or really heavy BDSM  There was a small percentage of them that appealed to me, and most of them had to do with discipline. And not those crazy guys who bill themselves as disciplinarians, bringing all the recalcitrant girls of the world to toe. And not the ones where girls bratted to get spanked, being deliberately disrespectful and defiant - shudders. The ones that appealed to me were the ones that addressed discipline within a relationship, where there was calmness and talking, not anger and yelling and cruel words.

When my ex left and I decided to go in search of what I wanted - needed - I had come to a basic understanding about what spanking did for my emotional state. You already know that I tend to assume responsibility for everything that goes wrong.... hence our newest rule. But I discovered that for me spanking was a way to take that intensity of emotion that I felt pretty regularly, all the stress, all the feelings of having wronged, anxiety, all those negative things, that pain inside and allowed me to transfer it to flesh and - poof - magic. I didn't know yet about DD/TTWD. Where did one go looking for someone willing to spank them?

So I started in the place I thought was the only place to start, with various BDSM 'dating' sites. Everyone just looking for a hook-up & I'm not a hook-up kinda girl. Then I found some spanking dating sites, and pretty much more of the same - I'm  going through your town, can I stop by and spank you? Excuse me? But ummmmm, NO! Then I found Fetlife, not quite as creepy, more like a social network. I found a local group and found someone I could engage with, and do a little exploring, with lots and lots of limits, and it being somewhat of a learning experience, but missing the spiritual component. It gave me some of what I was looking for, but it did not feed my soul. I found some groups with people that I could identify with, and learn more about myself and my desire to submit. I found a mentor, a very nice gentleman, who had a girl, but was willing to answer my questions, and help me understand what and who I was, and to redirect me when people tried to tell me that I was something different.

That niche from the videos, and stories -where could I find that? I kept seeking, and following leads off Fetlife, and came across the concept of DD. There was that thing that I was looking for. There were some factions that were just not for me, I'm not into the whole regimented, formulaic mode, I wanted something organic, something as easy as breathing. There I found another mentor, a woman who identified as a little, and who told me that just because I was submissive didn't mean I had to be an open book for everyone, but only for my one, when I found someone worthy of me. Worthy of me? What a foreign concept.

Then I found you, because the cosmos aligned and because I believe in an attitude of gratitude. I thought you were taken, but you weren't. And all the while I thought you were too good to be true, and certainly too good for the likes of me. And here we are. And you are perfect for me...my puzzle piece. And for the first time, everything is as it always should have been, different than I have ever known, and what I have always dreamed of. You asked me to write what spanking feels like to me, what it does for me, what I think about it. But I had to tell you all of that first, and if you didn't know, if by some chance I have not communicated well enough what you mean to me - you're very different, you're what I have waited for all my life. And everything with you is like nothing ever before. With you I have the spiritual depth that I craved. The first time we spoke, your voice was a key that reached deep down into my belly, into some visceral place that no one ever imagined  and I felt the first turn of the key in what would be the release of my truest self. You gave me the gift of being who I was meant to be.

So for us, it is something deep that we share. For me, spanking is a very deep expression of my submission to you. It is my saying that I trust you with my body, but also with my heart, my mind, my emotions. It is saying that I trust you to understand what I need, and to be diligent in giving it,even if it might be hard, even if you might be tired. I trust that you will put us ahead of everything else, to clear away the barriers, and to ensure that we both feel our places.  I do feel safe in your hands. I feel loved and treasured that you would take the time to give me relief, take the time to establish our roles and allow me to feel soft and submitted, value us enough to clear the air of resentment and petulance and give us the gift of a clean slate, or just engage in this most intimate of acts with me. I feel honored in your acceptance of my humility, and that you lift me and show me that in your eyes, this makes me radiant and beautiful.

In terms of my submission, I don't fear any implement, they are only extensions of the hand of my love. I  lay willingly across your lap, or at your side, and even if I have transgressed, your touch is soft and full of love, your words are soft, sweet, affirming, comforting, and I would take anything that you choose to give me. I relish those little moments of intensity when I feel I might crack, and am able to breathe out that resistance and offer that to you.  I relish that you will feel that intensity, and choose that moment to extend your hand and whisper - Daddy's right here, love, here's my hand - or stop to rub and stroke my bottom, my back, my hair, to stop and speak soft words, to encourage me and speak of your love and pride.

In terms of the physicality, does it hurt? Yes, it does. It's deep stripped-down, nitty-gritty, pain, but it is pure and it is purifying, and I can offer that to you. I love you enough to bear any pain...you know that, and that knowledge is enough. Under the pain, there is the luxury of that deepest of connections. There are the moments, even in the midst of correction that speak to love, devotion, unconditionality, and forgiveness. In discipline, I feel the safety of your Dominance and control, I feel the security of my place, I feel your guardianship, I feel the pleasure that only you can bring. The pleasure is you inside my head, I feel us, pure energy, it's intoxicating and I want more. 

In terms of my emotions, I still believe it takes conflicts and anxieties inside of me and delivers them to flesh where they evaporate. It is a cleansing of all that does not belong inside me, or between us. It is the tool by which we become closer, share more, and by which I become the strongest, best person that I can be.

For us, spanking is part of the thing that defines and continues to refine us. For us it is devotion - your Dominance is your devotion unto me, and my submission is my devotion unto you. For us it is our sacrament.


HIS POV: 

As perfectly stated above, spanking is an engrained and analogous part of our DD/TTWD as well as our life as a fully functioning and communicative couple with a deeply intense bond that is further enhanced by something that is truly, uniquely and totally ours.  June and I both had the unique advantage of having not only a deep understanding and need of dominance, submission and spanking, but also a thirst to affect each other in the deepest and most heartfelt ways.

Spanking itself is a many splendored thing that even now after all of the exploration that June and I have done continues to delight and find new relevance and true comfort in the face of the chaotic world around us. Spanking unlocks June's submission and reveals the tenderest thoughts, brings emotion to surface and purifies both of our hearts.

June m'lady, I am humbled to call you mine and it is a true pleasure to be the facilitator of pleasure, pain, passion and growth in our relationship. I relish the gifts of submission and control that you honor and entrust me with. It is a true honor and the deepest of pleasures to fulfill your desires and needs... Even in correction you know my deepest love and affection. When given in pleasure my body  sings to yours and yours echos pleasure in the deepest.... it is a beauty that I've never known and don't deserve. I will guard your heart and plumb the depths of our love and because of this... this beauty within us, we will grow ever stronger in love and life.

The No-Shutdown Rule

                                                      

    There are times in a DD/TTWD relationship that discipline and correction will be a dreaded but  necessary action that  requires a clear mind, a firm hand, and an open, honest heart.  I've talked about discipline and correction in other posts before, but in this post I'd like to illustrate the importance of connectivity, even during correction, unmet expectations, or hurt feelings.

Sometimes it can be difficult to express the let-down that we feel in our partner's actions, non-actions and potentially careless words or deeds. That's why June and I feel that communication and expression are vital to us and our interpretation of this lifestyle. Sometimes irritation, disappointments, hurt feelings, etc. can cloud  the effectiveness of  what we are really trying to communicate. I know that I can be fairly adamant about my expectations and when they should be met. In most instances June and I are very much on the same page, but there have been a few occasions where she or I were off the mark and needed to take a few min to get emotion out of the picture, think clearly and not let hurt or anger get the best of us.

                                                      

 

We also believe that taking time is one thing, but drawing out an unresolved problem is unhealthy and unnecessary.  Shutting down is never acceptable in our house. I mean I have to think that if I am the HoH and I am to effectively lead and guide my family, that it is even LESS acceptable for me to start shutting down and be non-communicative. In the beginning this was something that I struggled with and no, I'm not proud of that. June got me thinking and talking and for me that was a major, major step, even outside DD/TTWD. I've never been in a relationship that made communication so easy, so fluid, and so welcome and even despite my attempts to clam-up and keep to myself, our love won out and I found my voice.  We think that it is far better to put things on the table, refine our thoughts, and turn towards the relationship in order to clear the air and move forwards before the sun sets.  Letting an issue stagnate can only lead to hard feelings, and cracks in the armor of our relationships and our own interaction.

                                            


  When  June and I discussed the foundation of our relationship we realized that one of the things that makes BOTH of us better is accountability and while I may not be the one on the receiving end of a good spanking, the standards of our relationship must, do and in fact apply to a higher standard for me. We often tell our youngest to "use your words" and that's something that I do in fact have to tell myself.... I'll be honest in that regard.  I'm like a lot of men, I don't want to talk about it... but being the man, the man my wife and children look to for answers, the head of our home, has taught me that I can't afford to do that anymore... That and June will, and in fact should, call me on that.  If it came down to it, she would place herself across my lap and have me spank her until I could communicate the emotions that I was feeling and how we can get to a better place.



                                                   

 Harmony can be disrupted fairly easily, sometimes we don't take notice of the small things our partners do to enrich our lives and our families. Sometimes it seems as if our partners don't care, or like what is important to us isn't important to them and that can and does hurt. Nobody likes to have their thoughts or feelings marginalized and I think that puts the onus on the HoH to ensure that there is no shut-down, no loss of communication and no distances that can hurt the relationship in either the long or short-term.  Take the time to put your emphasis on getting to a shared place of comfort that  has the strength and conviction to move forward despite discomfort, hurt feelings and/or anger.... The relationship benefits and let's be honest, folks, there are way better things to be doing at the end of the day than fighting or not talking to each other... just sayin!

                                                     

                                                         

Her POV:

This has been my greatest challenge. Because of my life, it has always been safer to shut-down. If you let them see how you were affected, or that you were hurt or bothered, it only got worse. I was very good at stuffing things down. Daddy does not allow this...not in the very least. The first time, during a conversation about the necessity of communicating what I felt, he used the phrase - passive-aggressive.....just cut me to the very core. He's right...he always is (sighs....schnoots to Daddy ALWAYS being right!....jk). It is passive aggressive. I wasn't aware of it. My tone was clipped, my answers short. "Yes, Daddy" became an eyes down "yes" .... shudders. But those were just the motions of our dynamic, it was not authentic.

Then we got to a different place. I would communicate... not right away. Sometimes I needed that moment to stuff down that eye roll, or that sarcastic remark and think about how I really felt and filter my emotions. It got me spanked. Why? I didn't communicate that I needed a moment to process, that I wasn't distancing myself from him, from us, but that I was using a minute to work things out in the framework of our relationship and be able to bring it to him respectfully. So I got spanked. Then we talked. He apologized. And I said if I need that moment, how about if I saw, "Daddy, I need a minute to process, please." Then he knows I am not shutting down.

It works. It lets us both know that we are present for each other, and for our relationship. He can do this too... and he has, "Daddy needs a moment to sort this out, lovey. We'll talk about this later (or tonight)." This space gives us the opportunity to enumerate our points, make sure we understand what we need, and frame them in the best possible way to serve our relationship.

I will call him on it. In TTWD I am very much accountable to him. But he is also accountable to me, to our God, and to our family as the head of our home, Distancing is so damaging. There is nothing in the world wrong with holding him accountable....respectfully. I did it wrong in the beginning..."You know what would happen to me if I did what you're doing?" YIKES! But as soft hand on his shoulder, or his leg, or just curling up beside him and winding my fingers with his, a soft kiss and a,"Daddy, distance is against our rules. I think we need to talk about what's on your mind.", or yes, laying across his lap... sometimes both. If the air needs to be cleared, this is the mechanism we have established to do so. No, not correction, discipline, we all need it... it goes hand in hand with accountability.

And the bottom line - heck yeah, there are better things we can be doing :)

When it's a Struggle

                                                   


 I'd like to start off by wishing you and your family a happy and healthy New Year.  With the bulk of the holiday season in the rear view mirror,  it's a good time to relax, and review some of the things we loved, and some of the things that caused the most stress during the holiday season and take stock of just where we stand in our relationships.



                                                   

  Do you ever struggle with TTWD/DD? I know I do. It may sound kind of odd to hear that coming from a HoH, but it's true. I try to handle things with the grace, consideration and kindness that is paramount to the position of Head of the House.  That is something that I haven't always gone into here, but believe me when say that, these things are of the utmost importance to me as a Husband, father, and leader.  It is important that I give June's feelings, thoughts, and ideas the consideration that they warrant, I also try to do what I can to take some of the day to day stress from her shoulders so that she can be at her best both at home and when we are away. Is any of this easy?  No, not always but it is worth doing.

One of my own biggest personal barriers to this is stress and fatigue. The holidays were truly wondrous, a beautiful time of giving and sharing, spirituality, family amidst a backdrop of the first truly white Christmas this man has seen in a long time. This was especially special for me as the holiday season  has traditionally been very difficult time for me.  June has helped me with this in innumerable ways, but prior to her and the boys, I would kind of hole up in my proverbial "crystal fortress" and stay there until well after the New Year. The holidays were indeed great, but after looking around it seems that I am definitely not alone in struggling with this time of year.

           

                                            

The struggle is why communication is of even more importance. TTWD/DD is a lifestyle that encourages communication and honesty and it is these roots that we must cling to when life becomes difficult. Indeed when stress threatened during the chaotic uproar of the holidays, I took June's hand and led her upstairs and just held her for a few min. Nothing fancy, just reassurance, connection and a chance to exchange words from the heart.  I fully recognize that it can be very difficult to find time to connect, but trust me when I tell you that if you find a way or make a way to do so, it will be time well spent.

When we struggle with this lifestyle, when simple thoughts sound different, when obedience is hard, when we are just tired, when we just want to retreat for a few min of quiet, when the kids become too loud, when we want to put up walls... We have to stop it before it even starts. Distance and confusion can only cause problems in the long-term, that's why it is far better to open up and talk before a tiny crack becomes a Grand Canyon. 

                                       

When we struggle, we have found that somtimes the best thing to do is to ask for help.  Putting the chores down, setting the soup to simmer, letting the kids figure it out for themsevles for a second and just getting to the heart of our problems, and doing what is best for the relationship.  Sometimes this means giving each other a little space and time to think and process. Sometimes it means my understanding that I didn't make the right choice and being cognizant of this and owning my mistakes.  Sometimes it means putting my pride aside and saying that I was wrong, somtimes it means apologizing and endeavoring to do what it takes to get where we need to be. Sometimes I have to be aware of when she needs me to take control and give her body and mind the release that they need.  Somtimes even when she hasn't broken a rule a good spanking can knock down walls and bring us closer and renew our dedication to what we have talked about and agreed upon. She knows the doors and my arms are always open... in the middle of the night, in the middle of the day. Even when it isn't easy it is what is real and right.

                                                               



When we struggle we are reminded of the need for true vigilance and dedication to each other and our values and the importance of giving and sacrifice even when it is not easy or convenient (which is extremely rare)  An HoH should be humble, wise, observant, kind-hearted, and a good listener. An Hoh's lady should be obedient, open, honest, and caring. Both should be diligent, truthful, dedicated, and have hearts that long for a deep and solid connection that can withstand the stress that life so often brings. I can guarantee that along with death and taxes, the New Year will bring stress and fatigue.  Will I be what June deserves? No, not always, but I will make every effort to give her the attention, time, and love that she needs to thrive.  We would encourage you all to find a way or make a way to work in a little bit of time just for yourselves when things get hard.  If you do nothing but tell each other how you really feel and work on getting where you both need to be it will be time will spent!  

                                                                          

Happy New Year!

                                                             

Her POV:

 Hmm, this was a good one, Daddy :) In the last post, I said that sometimes I need to take that sullenness and hold it back for the moment it takes to realize that what he does he does for our betterment. You know, that goes here, too. I have two jobs, am a full-time student and we have two special needs children. So sometimes taking that spoon out of my hand and turning down the soup is almost an act of war, lol. But When I stop and take a breath, and see myself spinning, and let myself feel what comes through his touch, yes, he is giving me the gift of release of urgency, the gift of dinner-can-be-10-minutes-later-take-a-breath-and feel-US. 

Sometimes I think people think that it is easy for us. But I think it's important to know that we work hard at this...every single day....because it is the most important thing we will ever do, for ourselves, and for our children. No, I am not the happy, glowy little Stepford Wife, I'm the girl with the inside of her cheek chewed up from biting back my knee-jerk reaction, from fighting the eye-roll till I can feel his motivation, and I can feel his desire for harmony, and I can pull mine out past my hurry-up. Is it worth it? Every single time.

Do I need him to take control sometimes? Absolutely...he's the big picture man. Do I need the super-hard-stingy-but-not-naughty-girl-spankings sometimes? Absolutely. They do break down the walls that come with day to day junk. Does he deserve me? Absolutely not....he deserves so much better. But he loves me, and I love him with my entire being. 

Happy New Year to all of you. Remember to stop, and take time for what is really important - each other.

Respect, Courage, and Learning to Lead by Listening

                                                     

  When you hear the word respect, it may inspire thoughts of  learning, reconsideration, contrition, love, discipline, courage, honor, or any of a number of other adjectives.  Respect is something that is earned, learned, honored and freely given. It should never be taken for granted or forgotten. 

  Sometimes respect isn't so simple as dominance and submission, sometimes, true, real respect is the measure of a man or woman. It can be the difference between the unspoken part of the truth,  and clearing the air. It can be the difference between little gestures that create fissures and gaps, and a full functioning partnership that effectively considers and weighs all factors without purposefully dampening or alienating the other person.

                                  

                                                                                                                                
                  
  In the light of dominance a man should learn that sometimes respect should guide his decisions, words and actions toward his wife and children. I cannot say what may be for others, but in my relationship with June, I make it a point to use and select my words with the utmost care. I know that sometimes my decisions and my words may not be easy to hear or accept, but I know that my demeanor, my attitude can influence the way conversations and expectations are received. Sometimes I know that I must do or say something that won't exactly be well received... but let's be honest nobody said that this life was easy or fair.  No, being in a DD marriage isn't for cowards or those that  are looking for the easy way out.

                                                
 Honesty is a pillar of any kind of strong relationship. Honesty's value lies in it's solidity and unyielding love and devotion.  Sometimes honesty stings and even hurts...but at least it's real. Respecting your partner enough to give them honesty in all things, even the small ones are important... having the courage to approach your partner when they are struggling and tell them the truth, even when you know that it is a sensitive issue  is easier said than done, but If you can't be honest with your partner, then how can you really be honest with yourself?  Respect, courage and honesty are all pillars of a healthy and thriving relationship... They test us all from time to time and we all become stronger due to their influence.  When we choose one we are choosing all three... Gone is the halfhearted conversation with the tv on, gone are the rolling eyes, gone is the interrupted speech and the "whatevers"  Cohesion, reciprocity, and a willingness to make things right when we mess up have granted June and I that something that cannot easily be described, it is like a warm blanket on a cold rainy day.  It is like ambrosia on the tongue, and relaxing music to the ear.

                                            

   We work at it every day... June gave me so many gifts in our relationship. She empowered me to lead. She welcomed my strength, didn't cower from my intellect, or run from my dominance.  Together we have learned and continue to learn much from each other. I know that I mess up sometimes... Sometimes being an HoH is a difficult thing. She sometimes tells me that I am harder than I need be on myself but I guess that's only because I want to do this right. I know that even when it won't be easy or fun, that I have a privilege, a responsibility and a calling to do the right thing by my family. June is also one of the strongest people I know and I know that even if it's something I don't care to hear that she loves me enough to be honest with me. Our respect for each other continues to grow and thrive in the wake of the world around us.

How many times have you been out with your partner and you noticed that vanilla couples seem so disconnected, even  when they are holding hands? How many times have you seen or heard people being rude or cruel to each other?   Maybe I'm just a fuddy-duddy but I think any man that calls himself husband or leader should never be so disrespectful to his wife or partner as to swear at her or bully her when she's trying her best... I also believe that no woman who calls herself wife or partner should ever be so self absorbed and disrespectful as to blatantly ignore his wishes, try to talk over him in conversation, or belittle and besmirch their relationship. Part of me pities these folks and would make a suggestion or two on what should happen and how communication should work, but I use these types of people as an inspiration for what I strive to never be as a husband and father. No it's not always easy, but even when it's hard, it is good, and it is real. 

                                                  

Strong leadership, love, and a dedication to treat each other right is something that any couple DD, TTWD, or otherwise can gain something so deep and pure from. These things are the foundation for a lifetime.



                                                                 


Her POV:
This is a topic that Daddy and I talk about all the time. I see things that make me shudder...you know that Ward is my Daddy...we have accounts on FetLife. A lot of the littles seem to take pride in being brats. It makes me uncomfortable. It's not who I am, it's not what I want to be, it's not what I want to give him. He deserves better than that from me. Even sometimes...one I read today... she found it hard to say - yes, Daddy - please, Daddy - thank you, Daddy. Gosh, no matter what kind of relationship you have, vanilla, D/s, M/s, D/lg....doesn't matter, those things are basic respect.

Respect implies connection, honesty, being open to your partner, not shutting them out. I've said it before, we've been out and come around the corner of an aisle and seen people fighting, snarling, voices raised, mean looks, or talking to each other with ugly words...it feels like an affront. I sink a little further into him. We live in a college town, at graduation last year, the streets were packed with people. The thing I noticed was the physical and emotional distance. No one touched, no smiles, no talking, no looking at each other, not connecting on any level. Out of all the thousands of people we saw, there was one couple holding hands, and they were so far removed from each other that their hands were at 90 degree angles to their bodies.

I am far from perfect, I got as little snappy last night, but when I realized it, I apologized, and he apologized for the statement that led me to react not so much as myself. And it turns out that he did because he was troubled by an exchange with a friend. But we had not crossed so far that we could not hear each other and communicate about the real issue and our little momentary rough patch.

I had a live in  example as to what I did not wish to be. The woman who gave birth to me had no respect for anyone. She thrived on denigrating people...every man she was ever with. It repulsed me. And I joked with my therapist on more than one occasion, I had no example of what to be...as a wife and as a mother....but I sure had very clear examples of what not to be. We are unfailingly honest with each other....if we are not, what do we have? We can let each other know that we were hurt, put off our feet, disarmed, upset...respectfully. Sometimes not in the moment, but later when we have out thoughts elucidated... we can ask to speak to our partner, and say "I was hurt/upset/didn't understand/need clarity on..." And we retain and enrich our relationship...we enforce that we can turn to each other.

He is my greatest blessing, thinking of what to write here, I am writing with tears streaming down my cheeks. I empower him to lead, and he empowers me to be who I am. He empowers me to express my heart in the soft way that feels good and natural to me. I have all my life been a step out of time. I am the Kool-Aid mom, loved the smell of fresh laundry, and flour on my face and clothing with the aroma of fresh bread permeating the air. I have had to carry my family before... alone....from the time I was about 5, thinking of how I could make peace in the house. When I was 9 and cooking, cleaning, paying the bills so it would get done, and through my first three relationships. I should be more, want more.... money,  promotions, status. I was the hamster on the wheel that drove me into the ground.
I longed for reciprocity, and I gave myself dry.

I am submissive to Ward...that is a gift because it is who I am. I only have to be exactly who I am - I can be soft. I can be vulnerable. And I am elevated, never looked down on or thought weak. To hear Ward say that I am strong amazes me. In bending to him, in surrendering the trappings of this society and the mask I was forced to assume, in yielding my will to him, I am stronger, and have a joy I have never known. I receive respect that I have never experienced before. I enjoy honesty that has been lacking all of my life. Courage? Ward is courageous, he says I am, but I don't know about that. I know that I am free from fear for the first time ever.

I don't know how much sense any of this has made. I am a jumble right now. So much emotion bubbling, so much love, so much respect for this man who lets me be, lets me feel, who love me, who lifts me up. You have worried, my love, that you are lacking, but you are more than I ever dreamed. You ARE the ideal that I cobbled from my needs, desires, hurts, hopes and dreams. You are honest, and I am completely without guile in your love. I am honored to call you my love, my heart, my man, my leader. I love you, simply, fearlessly, courageously, and with complete honesty. 

Spankings, Position, and the effect on the mind 1.

                                                                  

We have shared many things about spanking on this blog, and indeed we will share a great deal more. I think one of the more overlooked topics is the effect that certain spanking positions can have on both the HoH/Spanker and his partner/spankee.  Spanking certainly has a lot of connotations for a lot of people and it has a wonderful way of becoming truly personalized and very intimate from house to house.

As I'm sure you have gathered our home is no exception and the positions we use reinforce our places:  her place as my partner and her submissive nature; my place as the Head of the House and her dominant.  Sometimes it really is as simple as walking through the door, getting that first kiss of the evening and seeing in her body language just what she needs.... Be that some "Mommy Time", a sound spanking, or just to sit and talk amidst the dazzling floor show that is our kids. Still, there comes a time when nothing says I love you like some  well spent time reinforcing love, intimacy, discipline, expectation, comfort, affection and sexiness (we get some serious miles out of our spanking sessions!)  

                                       

I have come to understand my June's needs and have found that for us, position can have a deep and profound affect on how she responds to and absorbs the sometimes necessary attention that I give her.  Like many we have found the classic Over the Knee (OTK) position to be the most frequently used  position across our own spanking spectrum. OTK is very intimate, submissive, and conductive to communication (even if it is the kind that doesn't come from words).  I love so many things about OTK that it's nearly impossible to count, but I think this would almost be our, and I'm sure many other spanko's, default position

Here are some of my favorite things about OTK

-  it's intimate

-  the view is unrestricted and very exposing

-  it brings submission and dominance to a head very quickly

-  it's simple and delicious yet, complex and challenging at times

                                                                                                                         

(http://morethanithurtsme.tumblr.com) Kind of along the lines of this, but I am on the bed, over pillows, bottom up & face down.

      

 Like many others we have used the also classic Over the pillows, or across the bed approach, however in a slight modification  I like to wrap my arm around her lower back or waist and pull her close to my side as I give her the kind of affectionate attention that we both need... It seems so simple but it has helped our bond become so very strong over time.  Even on the few occasions that correction had to be given, the intimacy and affectionate nature of this position helped us both manage loving correction with grace and love.

Here are some of my favorite things about on the bed/ over pillows, side to side

-  intimate

-  reinforces roles

-  a good position for lengthy or painful sessions

                                                  

 There are of course several other positions of note and I will delve into them at a later time.  The ones we have talked about here today are some of the most effective for getting each other in a positive place no matter what the spanking is for... Affection, taking the time to listen and act (even when life gets crazy) and caring enough to communicate even when it's difficult are even more important and vital to this process. We hope this gives you somthing to think about and indeed use!

 Her POV:
I had never had otk, though it was in my mind what I needed. Daddy obliged and it was delicious. For me, while I enjoy spanking, it is painful, and it is a humbling proposition to lay yourself across your man's lap to ask for his discipline. What I desired from DD was that loving connection.

Daddy said he would always discipline with affection. His voice is calm, even in correction, his words are soft, kind and supportive, talking about where things went wrong and how to get back to that place. Be it for play, discipline or correction, that was important to me, as was the body contact that otk provides, it is comforting, even in the face of discipline and correction; knowing that what he does, he does out of love.

He talked about side-by-side, and I did not think I would like it. I wanted - needed - to feel his body, that measure of comfort. But I am his, and I wish to be obedient, so the first time he directed me across the pillows, I went. Then he did the most astonishing thing - to me, at least. He sat beside me, with his torso at about a 90 degree angle with my waist, leaning lightly across my back and placing his arm over my body, and pulled his forearm tight against my side from my waist to my thigh. It was an amazingly safe and comforting feeling, totally encompassed by both his body and his Dominance. When it gets intense, I can snake my hand back and grip his hand. It has become a favorite position for us, for the closeness it offers and the way it fulfills both his need for Dominance and my need for submission.