Healthy Masculinity

                                         

 What makes a man a man? Is it a fondness for booze, sex, sports, video games? Is it  the clothes he wears or the size of his bank account:? Is it something deeper than that? Is it how he treat others? His wife and children? Well folks I'd say it's many things, and I'd like to spend a little time today discussing a need for men everywhere to stand up and make their voices heard. I was discussing this very topic with June the other morning and it comes to my attention that nobody's teaching  today's boys how to be men, and frankly that makes me sad.

In the media driven culture we live in, we are taught to adopt an ideology that says  that a healthy masculinity does not exist, that a woman can't be happy unless she "has it all"... you know the high-level corporate position, fictitious waist size, the mini-van.... all of it.  We are also sadly led to believe that  men are hapless, juvenile idiots who have no hope of managing themselves let alone their families... you've seen it, you know the commercial where the husband looks like a clueless adolescent.  Even the way we educate children ... during recess (which is sadly a dying concept) boys at play are unfairly branded as troublemakers and even simple games  that where once commonplace are often prohibited or unfairly vilified (cowboys and Indians, tag, capture the flag.)  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that  masculinity has become a downplayed and unwelcome concept in modern society.

                                                                         

 

                       

                           

 

I would call out to my HoH brothers and entreat them to display the benefits of their masculinity in their relationships.  Healthy masculinity is thoughtful, balanced, kind, and courageous. These qualities, when nurtured by the thoughtful accentuation of a loving TiH make for a complete relationship dynamic that provides for the emotional needs of everybody under the roof.  Personally the way I see it, the onus falls upon me as the HoH to ensure that I not only be unapologetic in my healthy expressions of manhood... I must also do it right... I must be an example to two growing boys and show them that the way one carries oneself speaks volumes not just about themselves, but their families as well.  I want to teach my sons that being a real man isn't about being the flashiest or loudest, it's not about treating others poorly or walking with a "swagger" it's not about being boastful, it's not about having a self-centered attitude... Being a man is about confidence, poise, intelligence, grace, kindness, RESPONSIBILITY, and with a grace and thoughtfulness that speaks to the quality of person he is.

I will also admit that I do have certain hobbies and pass-times... I am an avid sports fan.... (love basketball and football)  I love reading, I love to cook. I also understand that as the head of my home, that sometimes these hobbies and interests that I have accrued over a lifetime, need to be put aside in order for my wife and children to benefit from my presence. Family time also seems to be an area where many modern families struggle in a variety of ways.  Just as surely as a child needs a mother, a child surely needs a father. Sadly,  one does not have to look very far in order to see the evidence displayed in homes where a father or father figure is not present. It really does break my heart to see children, but especially young men adrift and rudderless without the guidance, mentoring and a strong but compassionate voice of experience that helps guide and shape them.  There comes a time when we must put away the things that distract us, sacrifice our time, energy, and attention and provide a better product to the people that depend on us. 

                                                   

Now that we've discussed the responsibilities of men, there are a few other things I would like to say to the Media, to society, to our school systems and yes even to ladies everywhere... There are some things that many men do that, to put quite mildly, are ridiculous. Being inattentive to one's loved ones is obviously wrong. Some of the things I mentioned in paragraph one go beyond basic irritation at the media and society at large.  I recognize that the male sex does have particular challenges,  but I guess my question becomes: Why do we expect boys and men not to be boys and men? It even starts at school on the playground, and I know I've previously mentioned this, but why is it so wrong to play tag or cops and robbers?  Some would say that the trouble comes when boys stay boys and never become men.  Those people would be right.

In order to galvanize and develop healthy masculinity in boys and enrich them to the point of producing quality men, we must all play a roll.  Realistic expectations, firm guidance, and leadership, both male and female is a requirement for male children.  Jumping forward to the future, men must recognize the characteristics that make masculinity important and relevant.  These are some of the things that a man, (especially a man in a DD/TTWD relationship) must espouse on a daily basis.

- Integrity

-Intelligence

-Honor

-Discipline

-Fidelity

-Courageousness

-Experience

-Love

-Thoughtfulness

These things and many more are what defines how a man is perceived by not just the world, but his family as well. By being thoughtful, thorough, and tangible we not only better ourselves and our families, we improve the world around us as well.

                                                                                             

Her POV:

      

 Ward is without a doubt the finest man I have ever known. He is kind, he is sweet, he is considerate, he is empathetic and compassionate. He is strong, and he is unquestionably the leader of this family.

You will have heard me say before that he is possessing of quiet command. He is not loud, he is not boisterous, he is not vulgar. He doesn't have to be. The man only needs to walk into a room to garner attention. He exudes confidence and a certain very masculine magnetism.

He would, as the song says, walk on water, walk through fire, and literally give up his life to be all that he could. My Daddy is a man who does not need to sing his own praises (I'll do that for him), he proves in every thought, every deed, every word, ever action what kind of a man he is, and the great capacity of his heart.

He took a woman so broken, and he made me whole. He took two children with greater than average challenges, and he loved them in a way they have never, ever been loved by another man. He is teaching them about truth and integrity and honesty, and what a man's word means. Daddy is the greatest gift I have ever been given, and because the creator saw fit to put him in my life, I am able to give our children a gift of immeasurable value.

The ripples of my Daddy's strength and goodness will spread gently through the future in the actions of our sons, who learned what it means to be a man in the heart of this man I love with my all.

Our One Year Blogiversary! March 1

One whole year, good golly, Miss Molly! It's amazing to still be here after a year. I never thought I had so much to say. And I sure never thought it was anything worth hearing. I am so grateful to this community and to all the wonderful friends that we have made here. I am thankful for all the kind words and support when Ward was deployed. And the prayers while we wait out this career planning process. I'm grateful for the fellowship when I have hit spots in my submissive life where I felt like I was struggling.

Blogging has been an invaluable tool. There is never anything that we have gone through that we have not worked out together first. What we share here is only part of our story. But sometimes, even after things have been resolved between us, we come to a greater understanding of each other, ourselves and our relationship when we puzzle it out here. It gives us more ways to grow together.

We appreciate that everyone in the community is so generous in sharing their thoughts, feelings and struggles. It gives us talking points, and maybe helps us identify sticking points - me in my own submission, and Ward in understanding me. (I don't  think he really has many sticking points as an HoH. He is wise, strong and confident.... but perhaps it helps him as well).

We have a blurb on top of the comment field, it says "Thank you for being part of our chosen family".

We mean that the most sincere manner. When I see my sisters struggling, or dealing with grief, I wish the physical world was as close as this virtual one, and that I could open the door and just sit with you. When I see one of my sisters saying things so uncharacteristic of her, I long to bake a coffee cake and trudge over with it and a pot of tea. When one of my sisters, and sometimes our big brothers, share their wisdom, or something important they gleaned from their own journey, I sit enthralled and honored at the generosity and the beauty of spirit in our family.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all, for opening your hearts and your hands, for giving Ward and I a place at the table, a family that understands our journey, and some of the very best friends I have ever been privileged to know.

HIS POV: 

It has been a true pleasure getting to know each and every one of you. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for your support, prayers advice and inspiration to June whilst I was deployed. Blogging has opened my eyes, given me insight, and given me the tools to be a better father, husband, a better man for my family, and for that I again say thank you.

The sense of community, the need for a male voice, and the desire to offer genuine help, valuable ideas, and a friendly ear to listen has been nothing short of invaluable in  my motivation to gain a deeper understanding of DD/TTWD, be a better husband, and in general share a voice with those that would have ears to listen. Thank you all for being who you are and for giving us wonderful friends and family in the truest sense.  Thank you all again and we look forward to the year to come and sharing more with you all!

Appreciating the Little Things

                                              

Have you ever thought about the little things that your partner does to make your life, your home, and your world a better place to live in?  Upon realization of the impact that your love has, did you take the time to truly appreciate their effort to make life better, easier, and brighter for you?  If you've ever been out "people watching" as June and I sometimes do, I'm sure you've seen it, you know the difficult teenager, the ungrateful wife, the petulant child that didn't get exactly what they wanted. It makes me sad. I mean are we, as a society so far removed from each other that we can't recognized an honest effort to make each other happy?

                                             

 I have found that with June, she truly gets it. If I mention a dish my mom made when I was a child, she starts looking for recipes.  If I mention something I think is sexy she does it without thinking about it. Noticing these things, I can do no less than offer her my sincere thanks and make a deep and honest effort to reciprocate as often as I can.  When she mentions that her feet hurt, I rub them for her. When the kids become overly exuberant... I distract them for her.  Me, I personally think bringing your partner the little things that make them thrive is sexy... Maybe it sounds a little chauvinistic, but I love how domestic June is, she keeps our home comfortable, warm,  and she nourishes the minds and bodies of all under our roof and for that she will always have my deepest and frequently spoken appreciation.

                                                     

Sometimes it's being there for each other at the end of a long day, frequently my job drains me and even if she can't tend to my physical needs right  away she's always there with a hug, a kiss, and a cold glass of water... She gives me the 15 minutes I need, when I get home, to decompress and get ready to give  my family my best.  When we first became acquainted with each other, the first time I pretty much knew she was "the one" when I saw how she relished taking care of me. She had tears streaming down my cheeks when she took my hand and told me that she could love someone like me... Such a moment is so small, but so deep like the rings rippling outward from the stone. A microcosm unto itself, this moment huge in meaning small on the outside sparked the beginnings of something beautiful

                                                           
                                                                                                  


It is easy to imagine and even apply these concepts to a DD/TTWD relationship. When you think about it, that's what it's really all about isn't it? Taking the time to say thank you is a lost art in this country and at least in this house we will know reciprocity, selflessness and love. We will attempt to do not only the obvious gestures but the small ones as well. June my love, I honestly don't say thank you enough for all that you do, for all that you contribute, for all that you are. I strive to continually improve as your HoH, your husband, your leader, I want you to know how much you bring me and the boys. Thank you for being patient, giving, flexible, sweet and good-natured even when things are chaotic... You bring our home peace.

                                                  

We would suggest that there is much to be gained by exploring  the impact that you have on each other. Say thank you, and look to the memories you have made and search those small moments for the magic that makes a good couple into a great couple. Each day is a new opportunity for thankfulness, Reciprocity, Growth and Discovery! What will you find?  What will you say to each other? We would encourage you all in appreciating the little things that make our relationships big!

                                                          

Her POV:

 I know that I am hopelessly old-fashioned. I know that I am not politically correct. I know that I am excruciatingly happy. I love this man. When I see the weight of the world on his shoulders, I am compelled to ease his burden in the ways that I can, a touch, small considerations, closeness when he needs it, or space when he requires it. I wish to make our home a place of peace, a safe harbor. I love to cook and nourish my family, and pray for the strength to nourish their hearts, spirits and souls as well as their bodies.

There is nothing better than to hear him speak of a remembered moment of pleasure and be able to reproduce that for him. There is nothing better than seeing his eyes close and hear that happy sound as he takes a bite of butterscotch pie that his grandmother made and no one could replicate, or the oatmeal chocolate chip hazelnut cookies like his mom used to make, or a key lime pie he proclaims as the best in the world. These are very small things that I can do for him to not only tell him,but show him his worth to me.

A long time ago, another lifetime really, when I was going through a very difficult time and talking with a friend who was a Christian counselor, she told me that I was a righteous woman.  I looked up the quote she had recited, and found Proverbs 31. I appreciated her assessment and thought she was crazy, I was not that good. I was just me, and surely if I was that, I would have been enough for someone.

The concept intrigued me, though, and I researched more, trying to understand. I surely didn't believe that I was this woman - this was an ideal, a goal that I could strive for. I found a beautiful sermon that outlined the characteristics of this extraordinary woman: she is strong, while remaining graceful, poised and dignified; she is trustworthy; as a habit of life, she does good for her husband and family; she is industrious; she is compassionate, she has a husband worthy of respect; strength and dignity are hers; she looks to the future with a smile.

"This is not about size, weight, or magazine cover beauty. This is about character and lifestyle that will be a blessing to any husband or family. And this woman, a wise man will seek her or help her to become just such a woman." I am not this woman, but I strive to become like her. And with God's grace I was given a wise man to help me on my journey. He along with this wonderful life we live help me to be my truest self, and we were both given this community to support us on our journey.

Worries, Dreams and Ideas

  Sometimes life inspires me.  Not always in ways that I would expect or seek.. and in that there is a certain kind of magic.  Of course there are the things that never fail to inspire or amaze, but sometimes the world around us, our children,  June, or just a pretty song can bring me clarity in the midst of an admittedly stressful life.  Our lifestyle aside, we are like a lot of working class American families and in today's world there is a lot a man has to consider.

I try to be thankful for the things that we have and not take for granted the small comforts and blessings that modern life affords. I try to remember that my family has indeed been blessed and we are light years ahead of where we were last year at this time.  Still even considering our numerous blessings, and how far we have come as a family and as a couple... Sometimes I worry that I don't quite measure up as a father.... (Yes, HoHs can have insecurities)  June has often reassured that I generally do a good job as father and husband,  but sometimes I guess that's just it, I want to give my family the best of everything, I know that that's perhaps not the most logical or even pragmatic view,  but in light of the recent tragedies and it being the holiday season, family has become even more important than ever.

 June and I have both often talked about our childhood experiences and we both agree that we want to give our children a better experience than either of us had. We try to give the kids the kind of positive environment that encourages and inspires growth and communication.

"Children have the right to dream, what will they become?  Where will they grow?  Will they know peace and satisfaction? When a child becomes an adult they learn what they where able to become and no matter how they wish they can no longer claim childhood innocence... No matter what let it be said that children have the right to dream." ~ BTL


We have also talked about our own future and many a lights-out conversation has included sharing our own romantic vision of life after the military, life after finishing school and of course the daunting task of relocating to new quarters.  We won't share all of our ideas but the discussions have in fact illuminated several interesting ideas and possibilities. This kind of soft, intimate conversation is something that I never had even in previous relationships and I never grow tired of it. The quiet hours when we share, communicate and inspire each other are a vital element of our interpretation of TTWD and D/s.

 Normally in my post I share a theme or idea with you, and I guess this post is not so very different. I would encourage you all to find or make a special time of day for you to share your worries, dreams and ideas.  Who knows what you might discover or learn.  Much of what I have learned and shared with June has come from this very special time of day. There is a wonderful warmth that comes from observing the beauty of her inspiration and the sparkle of her eyes when a new and wonderful idea illuminates her mind and lights the wick of her imagination.

Her POV: 

I don't think that Ward understands how simple are my needs, or the needs of our children. Tonight, we were all in the kitchen, making cookies, Daddy participating, sitting at the table with the boys, forming and decorating cookies, me hands in cookie dough, mixing...and weeping. I brought a tray to the table and wrapped my sticky arms around him and kissed him, and thanked him for giving me what I always wanted. Who could want more than that single, gorgeous, poignant moment of family togetherness.

In the living room, the boys playing video games with him, while I made the pizza for dinner, and once I popped it in the oven, came to join them till the buzzer rang. The youngest came and hugged me and said "Thanks for choosing him, mom. I love him, and I'm glad he's here with us." How much more perfect? He worries that he does... who knows what kind of magic...but he has performed the greatest of magics in healing three hearts, in giving us what we never thought we would have... someone to love us like that.

I love that time of night, it's the time that is just ours, no phone calls,no door bells, no  TV, no raucous laughter and play from the boys and their friends. Just he and I, touching, talking, kissing - yum - then spooning, his arm tight around me, our fingers intertwined. The dark can give that extra bit of courage for the difficult subjects. But it always ends well and sweetly, closer for the moment, the touch, the tenderness, the time we devote to being us.

Long before I knew him, I loved the idea of him. Now, he's here, and I love him with the fullness of my being, in a way that words can never express. I always will. 

Expectations

                                            




 Expectations.  Little word, big implications! 

 It's more than just my ideas of how our happy little home should be run.  It's more than just me flexing my muscles as a dominant.  Expectations are the actualization of clear, open communication. I think as the Head of my Home, giving clear, unobstructed expectations clears away confusion and gives us all (myself included) the way ahead. I also think that as long as there are standards, that I have to hold myself to the highest among them, after all how can I make a rule if I myself cannot abide by it? 

                                                   

 I think in today's world expectations almost become even more important. Raising our children into strong successful, positive men is definitely a feat in today's world. Clarity, respect, love and accountability are a vital part of any family structure, but in our home it becomes an integral part of our day to day life.  Having two young boys with SPD makes clear communication extremely important. They need and depend on June's and my consistent love, reinforcement and patience to learn and thrive in a world that isn't always so patient or easy. They respond in kind and give us the honor of loving them with a fastness and surety that brings comfort to us all. Occasionally, this brings us out of our comfort zone but ultimately, that's a good thing!


                                                    


In TTWD, expectations are also of the utmost importance,  She submits with grace and deference, I attempt to honor her by being the kind of man that she deserves and needs.  I don't always feel like I succeed, but she bolsters me and gives me the strength to give her my best and to become better. I expect her submission. I expect her respect. I expect her obedience and I expect in turn to give her comfort. I expect to give her grace, and kindness. I expect to give her my best, even when it isn't always easy or I find myself  conflicted by personal interests. No, our love is greater and I hold myself to this standard because she deserves no less than a man who protects, guides, teaches, disciplines, and loves her to the fullest. Yes, sometimes these expectations are high, but I feel that they need to be.  I am not prepared to settle for good, when great is there to be taken, I am not going to settle for low hanging fruit when the sweetest can be had higher up. I am not part of a generation that expects participation trophies.

Here are some of the Expectations of Our House

-  Communication early and often
-  Maximum Effort
-  Obedience
-  Grace in Dominance and Submission
-   Positive Attitude Always


Of course patience is required and so is a firm hand.  I am sure I am not alone  in understanding the value of being kind and patient. Also of deep value is the security and comfort that comes with knowing that we have each other's backs.  If we slip up or make a mistake, it's not time wasted as long as we come away from the experience with a healthy respect for each other and appreciation of the knowledge that we have gained along the way.  Sometimes being patient doesn't always come as naturally as I'd like to say it does, but understanding each other, and giving each other support is often the surest path to harmony.

Sometimes a firm hand (or hairbrush or strap or... well I'm sure you get the point) are integral to our process,  not necessarily correction but the reinforcement of our love and expectations of one and other.... We know we are different, but really sometimes nothing does the trick quite like a trip upstairs and over the knee.

                                           

We learn from each other every day and value the wisdom and clarity that expectations can bring into our life.  We would not be who we are if we did not have the patience, and drive to expect the best of each other and hold each other to a standard of excellence in love and life.

There are expectations... and they are indeed great!

                                             

Her POV

Like Ward, I think my expectations are higher for myself as an individual than for him. That may seem inequitable, but in our time together, he has proven to exceed every single expectation and or hope that I had, every dream/fantasy/desire that I ever constructed. He is a reward to my heart, and my life of which I hope that I prove worthy.

I have expectations more for our relationship, than for us as individuals. I expect that we will be honest. I expect that we will be caring. I expect that we will hold each other's needs paramount. I expect that we will love each other and give each other and our children our very best. I expect that he will hold me accountable for the standards that we have set. I expect that when I come to him, feeling like I have failed, he will give me the truth, and absolution or relief. I expect that when I come with any burden, he will raise me up. I expect that I will lift any burden that he bears.

I expect that I will give him my very best. I expect that he will give me his very best. I expect that we will make our family our priority. I expect that we will learn and grow and love each other more with every tomorrow.

Merry Christmas

with all our love, and wishes for love, hope, 'enough', health, happiness to our chosen family and their families

~Ward, June and children

We wanted to share some of our favorite Christmas songs with you...

...agus Síochán leat, agus Nollaig shona duit.

HIS POV:   Good tidings and Merry Christmas to you all! From our family to yours, we wish you a happy, healthy, safe and merry Christmas!  Weather you are headed across town to Grandma's house, or across the country, we sincerely wish that you be blessed and prosperous in the year to come and all of the years that follow!  Thank you so much for sharing our journey this year and we look forward to sharing and learning more in the year to come!

Define "Fair"

No...really,  what does fair mean to you? I ask, because it's  a conversation that Daddy and I have all the time. Sometimes, we'll be wrestling, or tickle-fighting and Daddy, who is a gorgeous behemoth (a mythological beast mentioned in Job 40:15-24. Metaphorically, the name has come to be used for any extremely large or powerful entity.) of a man, will win (do ya think?) and I'll jokingly say to him..."Well, that's not fair!" and he'll say, "I never said it would be fair, I said it would be worth it."

When I first joined blogland, and before we started this blog, I came across Stormy's post - What About Unfair Spankings?, and shortly after, Christina's post When the HoH Makes An Unfair Decision - Final Lessons. I'm sure most of you understand the phenomenon, we see things in blogland that give us talking points in our own relationships, and that helps us to grow and develop our own dynamics. So Daddy and I had, and sometimes continue to have a discussion based on the topic of fairness. The latest round of this discussion was spurred by Pocahontas' post It's Just Not Fair!




My view on the issue surprised Daddy, and continues to surprise him. I actually find him debating with his feet in the "it can be unfair" camp. Again, I will preface this by saying that I'm a bit of an odd bird, and I hope that I do not alienate my friends by saying this, I don't see how, in the kind of relationships we are in, that there can be an 'unfair'. (ducks)


As defined, Fair means:

Adjective In accordance with the rules or standards; legitimate.

Adverb Without cheating or trying to achieve unjust advantage: "he played fair".

When we decide to live our lives under domestic discipline, we sit down with our partners and define what that means within the sphere of our relationship. We define our relationships, and then spend the rest of our lives together refining them.

Each and every one of us has a different dynamic, that's necessary, one size DOES NOT fit all here. We define our rules, many of us have them posted on our blogs, and we define the consequences for not keeping faith with those rules. So, if we break those rules, and he keeps faith within the definition of our relationship, how can we call them unfair?

 





Once, not too long ago, on our terrible, very bad 
weekend, I received a correction. The next day, I got another one...YIKES, June! *Hangs head in shame* - As should be, we discussed the situation that led us there and how to avoid it in the future. In that discussion, Daddy got the idea that the first spanking was unfair, and he apologized. I didn't see why he apologized,  because, as my Daddy... my HoH, he has the right to spank me when he chooses, whether for correction, or simply to remind me of my place in our relationship and reinforce submission. I told him that it was okay, I needed it anyway, as I was stressed. When I told him all of this he said, well yes, perhaps I did NEED to be spanked, but I did not DESERVE to be spanked for the reason he spanked. That brings up another point, as much as they need and deserve our grace in submission, sometimes they need our grace in forgiveness as much as we need theirs.



When we give our men authority over us, we give them authority to spank (well most of us anyway) for correction/punishment and discipline/role-affirmation/stress-relief at the very least (some of us, more reasons). When we do that, we acknowledge their leadership and their right to take us in hand, for the betterment and benefit of our well-being and of our relationships. We acknowledge that authority by virtue of our trust that they have the best interests of us and our relationships at heart.If we question their fairness, or question their right to lead us, is that not calling our trust into question? If we look at the definition above, They are not trying to achieve unfair advantage, they are simply holding both of us to the rules and standards we have established together.

Pocahontas raised many good points in her post. Yes, we are expected to bend, to submit, to accept their decisions with grace. They are expected to shoulder the lion's share of responsibility for our families, all of our well-being, and our interpersonal relationships. Each one of us could say of our own share of the equation that it is unfair. But if we consider the big picture, it is balanced....

Adjective

Keeping or showing a balance; arranged in good proportions. Taking everything into account; fairly judged or presented.

HIS POV:  
As the head of our home, it is my belief that I must act with the deepest prudence and always in the best interest of our relationship. That being said, I know that I don't always get things right, but I also know that giving her what she needs has to take priority over my own desires and ideas sometimes harmony, consistency and a desire to be a source of good govern our house. As it's keeper I must maintain this attitude.  Fairness is a nice concept, but I think it's more important to have clear communications about the expectations of the dynamic.

June is absolutely correct in her explanation of agreed rules and the roles in our dynamic, I am the head of our home and she is my voice, therefore, it falls on my shoulders to ensure that I am not histrionic, too emotionally invested, or blinded by impure motives. It's not always easy and like the rest of us I, too, make mistakes.  Mistakes can teach us a lot of things if we but have the wisdom to learn from them. 

I will also say that I think there is still a world of difference between what is right and what is fair. I strive to do what is right by my family. I strive to do what is right by our children and our home... This is not always easy or comfortable and sometimes I do have to make unpopular decisions or make unpopular rules, but I do so with the best interest of my loved ones in mind... Oh.. and one other thing,  June will tell you, I never ever once promised that I would be fair  (a bit HoHy aren't I?)

Communication and asking for what we need

                                                    

Like many men, I don't like to talk a lot..... Also like many men I don't like asking for help or directions when I feel that I should be able to navigate the challenges of life and the privileges of being an HoH with grace and honor.  If I have learned anything and could pass anything along to my fellow HoH's and even ladies in the DD universe, I'd tell them that sometimes it takes a big man (or woman) to ask for the help they need.


Being stubborn only adds to the distinct possibility of a breakdown in abundantly clear communication, which as I am sure you are all aware is the tangible root of many problems in a relationship.

                                                   

I fondly recall roadtrips when I was a child.  It's almost a stereotype, but I remember my father cursing under his breath with my mom trying to read a map upside down and emploring him to stop at the next gas station and just ask for directions.  It is my view that sometimes, the best thing a guy or gal can do for the relationship is to put their pride aside and do right, by not just their partner, not just themself, but the relationship.  Communication must be a constant and thoughtful process that considers the long term effects of the decision making process. Just as stone makes ripples in a quiet pool, so are the ramifcations of our decisions.

 Again as a man, and in particular a relatively manly man, I take pride in being big and physical and I also take pride in my brain and the benefit of a good education. Between those two things, sometimes it falls on me to recognize when I am letting my ego get in the way of being an effective leader. June and I share a partnership and I definitely realize that she is in fact better at some things than I am and vice-versa. Despite a somewhat natural competitive streak and perhaps something of a dominance thing (yeah I know, gasp right?!), I've learned that our relationship functions best when I make the kind of decisions that bolstor unity, teamwork, and togetherness.

                                                               

                                     

                                 

                                                

 Somtimes, negativity and stress can also get in the way of proper communication. I've had to learn to leave the world at the door before crossing the threshold, and even when it isn't possible for me to do so. I know that I can count on June to be there for me and to help me get me where I need to be. I have also found that it was extremley good for me to learn to turn to her and ask her to listen, to be there for me and to give me that which gets me what I need. It's gotten to the point where we are very good at reading each other and in fact are quick to give the other what they need before the other has to ask. Whether that be a place to vent, a word of encouragement, a cuddle session on the couch, passionate love making or a good otk session... We have both learned that asking can be a wonderful thing.

                                                             

It isn't an overnight process, nor is it one that we can afford to rush or take lightly. June and I feel that though it may not always have been the easy thing to do, learning to ask for the help we need to thrive in our relationship is one of the best things we could do for our communication process and our relationship. We would encourage everyone to explore the benefits of  an "ask early, ask often" relationship.













Her POV:

I have been blessed in more ways than one with Ward....more like a hundred thousand. We have an uncommon understanding of each other. Sometimes it is hard to ask for what we need. I am blessed in that no matter how I ask, he understands. If I use my words, obviously he understands, even if I am unable to articulate the why, if I just express the need, he understands. Sometimes it is my behavior, if I am restless or hyper-critical of myself or my efforts, he pulls me in, talks, observes, and uses his understanding of me to evaluate what I need from him. Sometimes it is wordless. Sometimes I will just climb onto his lap, bury my face against his neck, or lay across his lap, and with love and dedication, he will give me what it is that I need most.

Daddy does talk a good bit. He does not easily share his troubles. I try to gently remind him that that is what I am there for, that we are partners, and that he is not in this alone. It has taken some gentle and persistent effort, but he has gone from coming back to me the next day, to a few hours later, to sharing more immediately. My remedies for him? Much the same, but the healing energy comes from me instead of to me. I will sit on his lap and minister to him, or read his stoic, 'clean' responses and coax the words from him, or hand him the hairbrush and lay across his lap.

I will be quick to tell you that Ward has a concrete sense of self, he IS a manly man (he makes me melt!), but he is also the most genuinely open, least ego-driven men I have ever known. Every decision he makes has always had the welfare of this family, our children and myself at the very heart. And as I write this something occurs to me....

I'm sure you have noticed a few seemingly painfully introspective posts from Ward. And like a bolt from the blue, I gained an understanding...Daddy is in negotiations regarding his career...he asked for my input last night, and I gave it, and clarified it this morning....and I told him I support him in whatever he chooses to do, and that I know he will make the right decision for our family, and just to wait till they present it in writing, so they can't renege on the promises made, as they have before. So if you will all forgive me, I finished my last shift, and am finishing my POV, as he requested...and right now, my Daddy needs me to sit on his lap and wrap my arms around him, tell him that I love him and trust him and his leadership, and coax the heaviness from his heart.

Family and the Holidays...

 

                                              

Sometimes it's the first rays of the sun shining on her face.  Somtimes it's the raucous sound of laughter and the shuffle of little feet upstairs.  Somtimes it's the peaceful realization that  everything that the media would espouse as great or neccessary is so much less than the media would have me believe.  Traditionally, the holiday season has been rather difficult for me.  Even if I wasn't deployed, or in a strange part of the world, I have worked during Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and Valentines day way more times than I'd like to admit. The Lord has shown me his grace and mercy through it all and has given me the greatest blessing a man could ever ask for.

                                                          

Having said all that. I am extremly excited for the chance to be spend the holidays with the family.  Christmas carols, lucious food, tossing around the ol' pigskin and snuggling up on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn.  I guess it sounds kind of corny, but the later months of the year really are my favorite  time of the year.   Gratuitous amounts of comfort food,  pick up basketball games, the apex  of college football.... The chill of the rainy nights are all part of the beauty that comes with late Autumn/early Winter.

                                                                        

 

 

                                                           

                                                                            

 Some people think it is cheesy and I'm not saying that they are wrong, but one of my favorite parts of    the holiday season  is of course Christmas music!  I love the festive sound, and the warmth that many of these old songs bring.   Being military I think my favorite is "I'll be home for christmas"  (Cliche I know) These songs often portray the unstoppable ideas of love and family and that is somthing that endures in our house regardless of the time of year or material possessions.  The festive atmosphere, the decorations, the lights, and of course the warmth of  true love and sacrifice put a big ol' smile on my face just about every day of the week.

                                                            




I'd love to take this opportunity to invite you to come inside, take off your coat and shoes, get comfy and share with us your favorite holiday traditions. What are your favorite holiday memories? What are you favorite holiday songs?  Enjoy a heaping bowl of comfort and share with us your favorite part of the holidays.  I know it's kind of early, but from us to you,  A big ol' happy holidays from Ward and June!!!

                                            

                                                                 

Her POV
Céad míle fáilte romhat!
Mmmm - favorite Christmas Carol?

This is both my favorite carol, and my favorite version (yes all things Irish - Nollaig shona duit!). 

I agree wholeheartedly with Ward. The things that I prize.. having him here with us this holiday. Having the kids run in to tell us Santa has come, and hopping into the bed with us to open stockings. One of our traditions, when they have finally fallen asleep, and all the gifts are under the tree, sneaking into their room and leaving their stockings at the foot of the beds...so they see on opening their eyes that Santa has been there. It's great fun for us, lying in bed, listening to the excited voices exclaiming over bubbles and chapstick, 'fancy pencils', erasers, candy and other little baubles, before they are ready for the main event. 

After the whirlwind of paper and excited voices, cuddling with him on the sofa, over a cup of chai, and watching them settle into a rhythm, where they can really begin to appreciate the bounty. Then sharing a late brunch, and relaxing together, putting together some of the things, playing with others, breaking into one of the board games. All of us together...in the same room...this is heaven. This is the thing I have prayed for, and I thank God for blessings given. 

What will be my greatest gift this year? To wake to the sound of the boys voices, and to feel Ward's heat at my back, to hear his breathing as he drifts up out of sleep, to feel his arm drape over my body and pull me close, and whisper against my neck - Merry Christmas, little one....Heaven! 

I wish all of you your greatest desire come true. I wish you hope, joy,  love and abundant blessings. 

 
 Nollaig shona duit. Athbhliain faoi mhaise duit. Sláinte chugat agus bail ó Dhia ort 
 Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Health to you and the blessings of God on you.