That is me, I own that - part 2

After that incident we talked about in part one, we have talked a little about sexuality, appeal and desire. Daddy continues to help me when I hesitate, or forget, or just plain don't want to say...'that is me, I own that.'

The other night, we were laying on our bed, and Daddy said, "Okay, little one, it's time for you to go get your shower, then you're going to get a wooden toy and a leather toy, and the buzzy toy out while I get my shower." I said yes Daddy.

After my shower he called me to him, pulled me across his lap and was just touching me. Then he said something and it led us back to that conversation. I peered at him over my shoulder and responded in an incredulous manner....I forget the exact conversation. He looked at me and said, "I changed my mind, don't get anything out of the box, just get the buzzy toy. I'll take care of the rest. We're going to do something that you've been needing." He left to get his shower and I got out the buzzy toy and plugged it in and began to read.

When Daddy came back from the shower he laid next to me and began kissing my neck as he closed my book and removed my glasses. He pulled back the covers and directed me onto my tummy. He kissed and stroked and spanked with his hand and then whispered in that lovely sweet and thick voice, "I want you to stand at the bottom of the bed, facing forward, hands behind your back."

I rose, turned, and felt his hands on my shoulders and his lips on my neck, which I bared for him. Then I felt silk slide across my eyes.

 

Then his hands were on mine and silk wrapped around and over and under my arms and hands, and as he worked, he spoke, "These are not the tightest of bonds, but they symbolize that we are bound one to the other, heart to heart, soul to soul, mind to mind."

  

He guided me to the bed and laid me on it, bid me roll onto my back, and again he spoke, "You are naked and vulnerable before me. You belong to me, and you are beautiful, all of you. You please me, all of you."

I felt the weight of him next to me on the bed and his fingers wound in my hair. "Your hair is red, the color of flame and passion and warmth. It is the passion with which you care for me and for this family. It is soft and I love the smell of it. It pleases me. It belongs to me." Tears began to fall behind the silk, soaking into the cloth. 

His fingers and lips moved to my face, "I love your mind. You are strong and intelligent. You kept this family going with your strength before me and when I have had to be away. I love the way you see things. I relish your submissive nature and what you have given me. It pleases me. It belongs to me."

...to my eyes, "I love your eyes, they are green and verdant. They see things no one else does. They have a vision that is clear and honest. They please me. They belong to me."

His fingers roaming my body every single inch, his voice soft and soothing, my tears flowing, my chest heaving...... all the way down to my toes (freshly painted sparkly hot pink) and as he went the world got smaller and smaller, and the thoughts in my head disappeared and new ones were turned away on the tide of his words, until there was nothing but his touch and his words and that thought.....I please him...... I belong to him. And nothing else matters, and was there never another truth, except that I belong to him and that he finds me pleasing, in heart....in thought.....in form....in love....in submission.....in service.

     

HIS POV:
This was something that I had wanted to do for quite a while. June definitely needed to feel how special she is to me... I try to tell her, and show her everyday...but as it goes so many times, actions speak a whole lot louder than words. This special bit of intimacy is a small example of strength in ownership and strength in submission. Truly, it is a beautiful thing.

That is me, I own that

 

Something happened, something small and what would be innocuous, even enticing for most people, but because of my past, it immediately set me on my heels. I felt small and so confused. I am his. I love him like no other. I know he is safe, more than that he is MY safety. He would never hurt me. He owns me, there is nothing I should not be able to give him. I felt bad and sad and scared, and unsubmissive and like I was holding back, and mad at myself.

We talked about it and I asked forgiveness, and he said there was nothing to forgive, but in my heart, there was. I cried for two days. When I had therapy I spoke to my therapist about it. And in talking what I discovered was that I found it scary because I could not accept my own sexuality, my own appeal. I understand that from him, this was a compliment, this was him expressing his desire. That's not how I have ever experienced that before. Not as a child exposed to things no child should know, not ever as an adult. My prior partners made it quite plain that I was not beautiful, they were sexual with me simply out of their own physical need, not because it was me with whom they were seeking intimacy.

She said I was good at talking out of both sides of my mouth...what? She said that I speak of the level of trust that we have, but I don't trust his opinion of me....wow... She said she knows it is because of what I have heard all my life, what I have always been told, that it has become my truth. She said that we learn to believe what we hear. So now, when Daddy says something good about me, or anyone really, even if I don't believe it, I am to say "That is me, I own that." If my mind hears my mouth saying that, that will become my truth. so I'm trying.....and Daddy is helping. He says I am beautiful...That is me...I own that...

 
HIS POV: 

Open arms and ears to listen, sometimes these are my greatest tools as a Husband and an HoH. June knows I would never intentionally do something to harm her or make her feel uncomfortable in any way. The traumas that we don't talk about, the traumas from childhood, the ones that still affect us... they are the hardest to handle and heal from. This situation taught me several things, namely that I  can give June my support when she is struggling, listen  and continue to show her that my desire for her, love, and intimacy are borne of a genuine desire to share something beautiful and pure with her and her alone. DD/TTWD can give us so much, but sometimes something as simple as unconditional love and support .

I belong to him...

I am cooking, he comes up behind me,
turns down the burners, takes the spoon from my hand
leads me upstairs.....
I belong to him.

We are talking, some situation, I am frustrated
Do I hear his assurances?
He pulls me down across his lap,
not for spanking, he assures,
just so I can stop and focus on his words....
I belong to him.

I am done work for the night,
log off and go to the kitchen
to fetch the laundry for folding.
He takes the clothes from my hands
kisses my neck and says
they'll be there in the morning, I'll help
Time for bed, little one.
I belong to him.

Fresh from the shower
he meets me, wraps his arms around me
bites my necks softly, pinning my arms
whispering, it's time for your spanking, little one,
go to the box and choose something wood and something leather
I see the ramp and the brush, and on the bed
I  kneel on the bed, bottom high, chest pressed to the bed
He growls approvingly - that's beautiful presentation, my love.
I belong to him.

Sometimes soft leather tinged flight,
other times hard, not correction,
but meant to clear the fog and the muddle
or the self-doubt and insecurity that
crowds out the good
When it becomes too much,
when tears come, when I struggle
soft caresses, soft words,
kisses that drink in my tears
It's okay, Daddy's here, I've got you,
you're mine, hear my voice,
you are good, you are worthy,
you are beautiful, you please me.
you are mine.
I belong to him.

Something happens, innocuous,
but it brings back tsunami's of the past,
of hurt, of shame, of things
that should never happen to children.
He sees my tears, and takes my task from my hands
pulls me to his chest, presses his lips to my forehead
wraps me tight into him, strokes softly,
kisses and wipes tears, and reassures...soft... sweet
Daddy has you. I love you, I always will.
Nothing can make me forget that,
It only makes me love you more.
You are mine. No one will ever hurt you again.
You are safe.
I belong to him.

Waking in the night
my chest burning, gulping air,
fingers clenching....what?
Daddy?.....
Shhhh, baby, it's just a bad dream, Daddy's here
You're safe, I won't let anyone hurt you.
Be a good girl and go back to sleep.
I belong to him.

His fingers wound through my hair
I belong to him.
Pulling my face to his
I belong to him.
His lips on mine
I belong to him.
His fingers stroking my skin
I belong to him.
His voice in my ears
I belong to him.

HIS POV:  What can I say except I love you?!! Your touching words strike a chord somewhere deep in my heart. Your submission and love are the two greatest gifts that I've received and to be your steward, to be the one that you turn to.. to own you it is truly a privilege and a high reward that I hope to be worthy of. Your love and pure affection elevate me. You are a pleasure to call mine and I am blessed to be yours as well.

Completing Each Other

I am sitting here working, and have the TV on for background noise, my favorite shows (okay, okay, I can't help it- I AM a weirdo - I Love Lucy, The Dick Van Dyke Show & Andy Griffith...you know, REAL TV, not that in-your-back-pocket reality TV that floods the airways now), and this commercial came on for Marie Osmond's show. I missed the topic of the show but was grabbed by the tag line was, "Let's stop competing with each other and work on completing each other." I thought - boy, that's submission in a nutshell!

I don't have to worry about the same things that Ward does. I don't have to do the things he does. I don't have to be well-versed and strong at all the things that are needed to run our family. I have him, he is my partner. He has his strengths and I have mine. I can lean on him for those things that I cannot easily accomplish, the things that frustrate me. All I have to do is open my hands and offer it to him.

If I try to hold on too tightly, I will begin to spin out of frustration. I will become short with the children and feel pressured by his requests. I will become overloaded. I will rob us of an opportunity to be closer because I am floundering with a task that is better suited to his talents.

If, instead, I support him in other areas as he performs those things which challenge me, with things that come easier, and support him, support us as a couple, and our family, I am completing him, and we are both happier. We work as a unit, a well-oiled machine and things get accomplished, mountains are moved, we are stronger and we have time then to really connect heart-to-heart.

I am his equal in my value within our relationship, but I am not his equal, nor is he mine. I would like to suggest that 'equality' is a misunderstood concept. If we examine the definition, which says that equality is the symmetry of behavior in an interaction of a physical entity (as a subatomic particle) with that of its mirror image. And we look further to symmetry to find that it is a sense of harmonious and beautiful proportion and balance..... ahhhhhh.....balance - to bring into harmony.

When we complete each other, we come into balance, leaning on and supporting each other, becoming something greater and even more beautiful than we could ever be alone.

HIS POV:   Teamwork is such a hugely important part of our lives. June and I have learned that balancing our strengths and bolstering each other where we need it is the very best way for us to proceed. I am her equal in our relationship in that my contributions matter just as much as hers do, I am not her equal in certain skills, and projects and nor is she mine. However, knowing each other this deeply, this intimately, it allows us to tap into our deepest most supportive selves and solve any problems with aplomb. True strength is not taking on the whole load by oneself, or feeling like equality is everything... true strength is balance, symmetry, and the light that they bring.

Vaarwel, onze vriend - Remembering Bas

 

    

...our hearts break just a little. Blogland lost a gentle soul, and Ward and I are much saddened. 

Bas was very much an innovator. He is one of the very first HoH's to speak his truth here. And he could always be counted upon to speak a quiet, and gentle truth. He could always be counted on for good and honest advice and guidance. 

Each of us, in our journey through this life, touches people. Bas touched many. We won't have benefit of hearing his voice, but he has given us the gift of his humor and his wisdom, and the job is ours to make sure that what he taught is passed on in this community.

To Lisa and family, 

Onze harten zijn met u en u wordt in onze gedachten en gebeden. Het is niet realistisch te denken uw verlies en als in kleine maatregel die we kunnen helpen, laat het ons dan weten.

Vaarwel, onze vriend. We nooit zullen vergeten.

HIS POV:   

What can be said except that Bas was one of the true leaders and innovators here in blogland. His words were wise, sound and he simply had a wonderful way of connecting with people. Bas you will truly be missed and it is a true honor to have known you.  Our condolences to family and friends.... Bas, Rest in peace.

Commmunication, Intimacy and Outside Advice

 

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are undeniably one of the most successful couples in Hollywood, and I do not just mean in terms of their bank accounts, I mean in terms of intimate collateral within their relationship, and within their family. They are close, grounded in themselves and in each other, and their children...are children, and are happy and secure outside of their own personal successes.

I have long been impressed with Will and Jada's commitment to each other. I remember them many years ago appearing on Oprah. She asked what it takes for a strong relationship, and how in the face of having high-profile careers, they seemed to grow closer and more committed. Will's answer was astounding, and I wish more men would have taken it to heart. Funnily enough, Will's message fits so tightly into the philosophy of a TTWD relationship.

Will said:

I think a lot of people think that when you have money, that everything gets really easy, Hell Naw! Jada and I have been together for 17 years. If you look at it like a sports record, we are probably like 15 and 2. When we got started, we both truly connected on wanting to be better. That’s where it all started. There were other people that we were dating and other people that we were attracted to, but there was a commitment to constantly be better that was what we connected on. Our whole world and relationship was that, “Hey, I know that I may not be all of that today but what I’m not going to do is lay around and not keep working to be better to deserve you.”

Jada has made me a better person than anyone on earth could have every done. There is nobody on Earth at this point that in my life and in my career with the successes and the things that I’ve done, there is nobody on Earth that I would still try to be better for. [...] Jada is a beast. Just her passion,  power, and relentless unwillingness to let me lay down at night when I’ve only done 92 percent of what I was supposed to do that day, holds me to a higher standard.

 

He says that we don't stop working when we 'catch' the other person. That that is when we work harder every single day to let that person know how important they are in your world. That we have to do things, give things even when we're tired to let that person know they are the most important thing in the world to us.

Jada is no slouch in the advice department. I follow her on Facebook and the lady gives some very sage advice. An article she had caught my eye, and I thought it was pertinent here.

You will occasionally see Ward and myself bring a personal issue here. You will never see us bring it here before we have worked through it never, ever before we are right with each other. When we do share personal things, it is with the hope that it can help someone else through a situation. But we have to be careful with this neighborhood we have here. Yes we talk to our friends when we are challenged, but should you not talk to your best friend first? Especially if you have a problem with them?

Ward is my best friend. If there is something that goes on between us, forgive me, this is not the place for that quandary. He is my leader. He is my guide. He is the one to help me to the other side of any issue. I wonder when I see people bring things here if they have done the hard work with their spouse first. I'm not saying it's not okay to use this forum that we have been gifted for processing, but the hard work is not to be done with our friends here, it's to be done with our partners. I simply cannot say it more eloquently than Jada:

“It is dangerous,” she explains to the magazine about sharing relationship issues with pals. “Intimacy is a very complicated thing. There is nothing I could ever say to anyone that would give them a clear understanding of what happens between us – so why get anyone involved?”

Instead, Jada discusses everything with Will.

“[Will and I] work all that out with each other; that’s part of being in an intimate relationship. If you are giving your life to someone and this is the only person you deeply love, then you should be able to come to that person with anything. There shouldn’t be a person I need to talk to outside of him. And I don’t want my friends, who have a great affinity for both of us, to feel like they have to take sides.”

I want that and I am willing to put the hard work in every single day with my man to have it. I am willing to work hard and turn to him and build our intimate collateral.

HIS POV:

Every day we put the time and effort into our relationship to develop and maintain the deep intimacy that we both need and crave. It takes a constant effort and awareness to ensure that we arrive where we need to be. When I struggle, when I have insecurities, when we need to address an issue, I come to my June and we fight through to the right side of the  issue

Understanding how to communicate, the value of communication, and how it relates to intimacy is a treasure to June and I and we strive every day to place each other at the forefront of our hearts and minds.