DD/TTWD, Spanking, and Self-Discovery

                                                        

                                                                    

DD/TTWD is truly an amazing, vibrant lifestyle. We get the benefit of learning and being even more mindful of our partner's ideas, thoughts, dreams and desires. Even though June and I came into our relationship "as is", we have also discovered much about each other. When we were at the "feeling out" stage of our relationship,  there was certainly some trepidation about some of the things that we both felt and enjoyed. We have routinely  been delighted to find out that our communication has  led to us  being completely and utterly on the same page. June and I have come to realize that we probably belong to a sub-category of DD/TTWDers that may in fact be all our own.  We have alluded to, suggested, and even plainly stated that we are in fact spanking enthusiasts as well as a practicing DD/TTWD couple.

                                                                  

 I guess to some that might seem like an oxymoron, but June and I couldn't imagine life any other way. We also know that there are quite a few professed "spank-nos" out there.  I would also go a bit further and dare ask a question.... What if the line were blurred? What would happen if spanking wasn't used strictly for correction? What would happen if you discovered a wonderful tool that led to you talking more, touching more, kissing more, and making love deeper and stronger?  I'm sure you're all saying that it's easy for me to say and that my own backside isn't on the line, but truth is that far beyond correction or even discipline, there is something about spanking that calls to our shared sense of intimacy. It's more than just sexy, it's more than just something we do, it's who we are and what we share with nobody else. It brings us clarity, focus and speaks deep of the devotion that we hone daily.

                                                                                                 

                                           

 It doesn't necessarily have to be spanking.  We realize  that everyone is different, unique, special. That is in fact part of the magic of relationships. Romance, dedication and communication can unveil more than what simply passes a passionate fancy... No, sometimes intimate, connective time unveils a deeper side of our relationship. The kind we guard, the kind we have a thirst for... Those defining intimate moments that you savor while you are at work and pop into your head while you are doing a load of laundry. Even now typing this I am reminded of the thirst I have for June's love, affection, touch and sweet, soft kindness.  Every day in every way this energy, this intimacy defines a relationship.  June and I just happen to think that spanking in it's many sumptuous forms happens to be a perfect vehicle for this.

                                                              

Self-discovery begins with but a few words, communication is the key. Do you have a unrequited passion that you long to share with your partner? Tell them, show them how you feel, and that it's more than that tingly feeling  or something that curls your toes.  Trepidation much?  Sometimes the only way to gain new ground is to take the first step and give voice to our thoughts, dreams, and yes, desires.  Likewise, take the time to give ear to the voice of your partner... Work together to find that special place that belongs to you as a couple and you as a couple alone.  Find that spark, let if blossom into the beautiful flames of deep intimacy. 

                                                  

 Knowing these things, DD/TTWD has actually improved in every aspect for us.  That connection we speak of, that intimacy drives us to be our best. June is the best woman that I've ever had the pleasure to know, and she puts everything into being loving wife, mother, and best friend.  DD/TTWD also makes me want to be a better man, to be a good father and to bring love and light to our family. Who would have thought a teensy, tiny little spanking would do all that?!





                               

Her POV:

I was raised in a culture of guilt. I accept the blame for everything, and I mean everything. I stress from life in general, I didn't do well enough, I didn't give enough, I shouldn't have been annoyed at the children, the laundry wasn't done, I didn't finish an assignment, dinner was delayed or something happened along the way and a step took longer than it should have. I am my own worst critic.

I take things to heart. Sometimes I am overly sensitive. Things are said that are innocuous, but I get upset. Or just the trials of life, things beyond  our control, I fret, and knowing how much is on his plate, hold them in, effectively building walls. I rely on him to help me. Spankings break down those walls and keep us stripped and open, close and communicating.

At other times there is nothing as intimate as laying yourself bare across his lap, open for his touch, in all the ways he chooses to touch you. It is a wonderful, warm, soft, surrendered, vulnerable, cared for, loved, protected feeling. It, too, is stripped away intimacy.

Spanking for us is the tool, the vehicle that we use to drive our relationship. I look to him to support me as I support him, to elevate me as I elevate him, to hold me accountable, to change my 'stinkin' thinkin', to correct me when I stray from our truth, to help me be open, soft, feminine and vulnerable. For us, these things often start with me across his lap, with his leadership and my trust,with my vulnerability and his acceptance, and with the gift to each other of authenticity, of his Dominance and my submission.

Appreciating the Little Things

                                              

Have you ever thought about the little things that your partner does to make your life, your home, and your world a better place to live in?  Upon realization of the impact that your love has, did you take the time to truly appreciate their effort to make life better, easier, and brighter for you?  If you've ever been out "people watching" as June and I sometimes do, I'm sure you've seen it, you know the difficult teenager, the ungrateful wife, the petulant child that didn't get exactly what they wanted. It makes me sad. I mean are we, as a society so far removed from each other that we can't recognized an honest effort to make each other happy?

                                             

 I have found that with June, she truly gets it. If I mention a dish my mom made when I was a child, she starts looking for recipes.  If I mention something I think is sexy she does it without thinking about it. Noticing these things, I can do no less than offer her my sincere thanks and make a deep and honest effort to reciprocate as often as I can.  When she mentions that her feet hurt, I rub them for her. When the kids become overly exuberant... I distract them for her.  Me, I personally think bringing your partner the little things that make them thrive is sexy... Maybe it sounds a little chauvinistic, but I love how domestic June is, she keeps our home comfortable, warm,  and she nourishes the minds and bodies of all under our roof and for that she will always have my deepest and frequently spoken appreciation.

                                                     

Sometimes it's being there for each other at the end of a long day, frequently my job drains me and even if she can't tend to my physical needs right  away she's always there with a hug, a kiss, and a cold glass of water... She gives me the 15 minutes I need, when I get home, to decompress and get ready to give  my family my best.  When we first became acquainted with each other, the first time I pretty much knew she was "the one" when I saw how she relished taking care of me. She had tears streaming down my cheeks when she took my hand and told me that she could love someone like me... Such a moment is so small, but so deep like the rings rippling outward from the stone. A microcosm unto itself, this moment huge in meaning small on the outside sparked the beginnings of something beautiful

                                                           
                                                                                                  


It is easy to imagine and even apply these concepts to a DD/TTWD relationship. When you think about it, that's what it's really all about isn't it? Taking the time to say thank you is a lost art in this country and at least in this house we will know reciprocity, selflessness and love. We will attempt to do not only the obvious gestures but the small ones as well. June my love, I honestly don't say thank you enough for all that you do, for all that you contribute, for all that you are. I strive to continually improve as your HoH, your husband, your leader, I want you to know how much you bring me and the boys. Thank you for being patient, giving, flexible, sweet and good-natured even when things are chaotic... You bring our home peace.

                                                  

We would suggest that there is much to be gained by exploring  the impact that you have on each other. Say thank you, and look to the memories you have made and search those small moments for the magic that makes a good couple into a great couple. Each day is a new opportunity for thankfulness, Reciprocity, Growth and Discovery! What will you find?  What will you say to each other? We would encourage you all in appreciating the little things that make our relationships big!

                                                          

Her POV:

 I know that I am hopelessly old-fashioned. I know that I am not politically correct. I know that I am excruciatingly happy. I love this man. When I see the weight of the world on his shoulders, I am compelled to ease his burden in the ways that I can, a touch, small considerations, closeness when he needs it, or space when he requires it. I wish to make our home a place of peace, a safe harbor. I love to cook and nourish my family, and pray for the strength to nourish their hearts, spirits and souls as well as their bodies.

There is nothing better than to hear him speak of a remembered moment of pleasure and be able to reproduce that for him. There is nothing better than seeing his eyes close and hear that happy sound as he takes a bite of butterscotch pie that his grandmother made and no one could replicate, or the oatmeal chocolate chip hazelnut cookies like his mom used to make, or a key lime pie he proclaims as the best in the world. These are very small things that I can do for him to not only tell him,but show him his worth to me.

A long time ago, another lifetime really, when I was going through a very difficult time and talking with a friend who was a Christian counselor, she told me that I was a righteous woman.  I looked up the quote she had recited, and found Proverbs 31. I appreciated her assessment and thought she was crazy, I was not that good. I was just me, and surely if I was that, I would have been enough for someone.

The concept intrigued me, though, and I researched more, trying to understand. I surely didn't believe that I was this woman - this was an ideal, a goal that I could strive for. I found a beautiful sermon that outlined the characteristics of this extraordinary woman: she is strong, while remaining graceful, poised and dignified; she is trustworthy; as a habit of life, she does good for her husband and family; she is industrious; she is compassionate, she has a husband worthy of respect; strength and dignity are hers; she looks to the future with a smile.

"This is not about size, weight, or magazine cover beauty. This is about character and lifestyle that will be a blessing to any husband or family. And this woman, a wise man will seek her or help her to become just such a woman." I am not this woman, but I strive to become like her. And with God's grace I was given a wise man to help me on my journey. He along with this wonderful life we live help me to be my truest self, and we were both given this community to support us on our journey.

Commitment

                                                                  
                                                  
                                               

I want to talk about commitment.  It's a word that I fear that some would take too lightly.  Real commitment whether that is to a task, a job, or to others speaks volumes about one's character and leaves an impression that will not easily be forgotten. Commitment is also easier said than given, especially in a world that increasingly caters to the "easy" or  "instant gratification" crowd. Commitment tests our patience, our willingness to set aside our own ego, our own desires and reveals the true measure and depth of a person's character.  Some ten years or so ago, when I was a much younger man, I  put my hand on God's word and I took an oath... I made a big commitment at a time when perhaps I didn't understand what real commitment was about.

                                                                               

                                                                                                                  

Oh aye, the military definitely influenced the way I speak, the way I think, the way I behave (even now).  Suddenly a young man apart, far away from everything and everyone he ever knew was  thrust into a new and more expectant world that demanded results and expected performance.  Commitment meant not only following orders, and drastically altering my appearance, or getting up at 0-dark hundred, which occurs half an hour before 0-dark thirty.  It was a new lifestyle, a new role and a new ideology.

Then came stress... I can't and in some cases won't go into specifics, but suffice to say that I've been through some things that made me doubt my place in my life, my relationships prior to June, everything. Some time ago I had the fortune to be introduced to and learn so much from a very good friend, whose influence inspired my own personal take on DD/TTWD and the wisdom and growth that individuals and couples can experience. 

                                                                                                          

                                                   

With June, I have been committed from the beginning. Committed to my job as her Husband, her protector, her leader, her lover, her best friend. Being committed on these particular terms is a labor of love and a true conduit for the reciprocity that we present to each other daily. Even when it isn't easy or fun or one of us isn't at our best showing, and displaying the grace and direction of dedication, commitment inspires and causes us to appreciate each other and what we see as important to our relationship and to each other. Sometimes being committed means taking time to connect to June or the boys when I am dead tired or looking forward to something else... but if a HoH isn't dedicated to his family and their needs, what's the point?  I realize that sometimes being a good HoH for my darling and being a good example for our boys means showing them that commitment means

                                                

                                                                   

                                                    

- Being a provider

- Completing the tasks that you have been given, even and especially when we find them distasteful or difficult

- That when you start something, you finish it

-  A real man and a real woman don't fold up like a two-dollar lawn chair when things don't go their way or real life sneaks up on them

- Doing a job that you don't enjoy, is difficult or exhausting to provide your family with their needs and some of the stuff they want, is indeed honorable.

I also have to be a steady and sure example for June and more than just tell her, show her the kind of committed solidarity that neither of us had before each other... I show her by

- Listening
- Giving her my full and undivided attention
- Following through with what I say
- Granting her access to my mind and body even when I ache
- Doing my best for us and each other every single day.

Commitment and DD/TTWD go hand in hand and it is easy to see how any kind of relationship benefits and grows with the careful and thoughtful application of  consistency and commitment. When you are tired, when you are achy, when you just want a moment to yourself, take a second and think. Show your partner your best, even when they are at their worst... Commitment makes us and our stronger for the effort!




                                                 

Her POV:

I have long been dismayed by our disposable society. When things become  inconvenient we give them away, children, pets, the ill, the elderly. We shouldn't have to try harder, evaluate ourselves, extend ourselves, find a way through.This society teaches us to find our way around, to find our way out.

I have always poured all that I had into every relationship, from the very first. Beaten and broken I was offered a way out of the womb donor's house, and replied that I could not, she needed me. Relationship after relationship would find me unhappy, talking to my partner, not getting what I needed and resolving I would double my efforts, be more, do more, love harder.... had to be me, right? Partners out of work, me working four jobs seven days a week, working 16 - sometimes 20 hours a day to get us through. Them, bored, you're always working, you never have time, going out with friends, friends become lovers.When did any of that become okay? When did it become  okay to walkaway from your children because the new girlfriend is much more fascinating? Or stop having them over because the girlfriend treats them poorly.

I'm not perfect, never have been, never will be, never claimed to be, not even close. When I give you my word I will pour my blood, sweat and honest intent into upholding my commitment. When did commitment become an option? When I pledged to love and protect my children, I meant ... mean still, that I will protect them with my life. When I pledged myself and my love to Ward, I meant and reaffirm every day, in every single thought, word, and deed... that I will give him my all, my purest, fiercest, undying, ever-growing love, my deference, my obeisance, my support, my fullest effort, my devotion, the full measure of perfectly imperfect me ...when the sun is shining, when it's warm, when it's easy, and even when I'm tired, even when I am bone weary, even when my heart and mind, and body and soul ache.

This time around, though, it is returned, and that is warm, and comforting ... even on the hardest of days....it gives me strength... it elevates me and makes me better.

Once again, my love, I commit myself to you and to our family. I commit my heart, my mind, my body, my soul, my love and devotion, my obedience, my submission to you. It honors me that you accept. I love you.

Correction and Emotion

                                                          
  Being the HoH is a job that I've found to be always rewarding and sometimes challenging.  In addition to being observant, kind, gracious, loving, generous and affectionate, a good man must also be intuitive, resolute, dominant, slow to anger, quick to forgive and prepared to sacrifice in order to build a strong, healthy relationship that elevates both a man and his lady to their healthiest places.

I can honestly count on one hand the number of times that it was necessary to give her correction.
Correction is something that I think a lot of people don't like to talk about or always see in a negative light, but sometimes I think if we look closely we can  learn a number of things that can prove useful in the future.

                            

  I think I can easily say that spanking in the corrective sense of the word is one of my least favorite jobs as the HoH.  It isn't fun and it is an emotional trigger for both of us. I love her too much to fail her or let something small fester and turn into something big.  I'm sure June would tell you that sometimes I can be a pain when I know something is on her mind, but as it is I think she knows just as I do, that when the air needs to be cleared, it becomes a priority.  I'm not sure how other people do things, but we believe in a saying that may sound a bit cliche  but it's true, "Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry."

It can be simpler said and done and even when the head is cool, the heart burns hot and the truth of emotion is and can often be brought to the surface during a thorough spanking. Distance, passive-aggression, stubbornness,  may all be seen during the emotive stages of correction, being that none of those things can be allowed to flourish, they are soon replaced by contrition, a will to change and the release of guilt, anger, hurt and negativity.
        

                                         

The experience of administering discipline or correction for the good of our relationship is often a heavy one. There is the desire to make things right, the desire to affect a change in attitude or spirit or behavior, the desire to give her what she needs, and of course the desire not to have to repeat such an experience.  It does affect me in an emotional way.  I have to give  myself a moment to think, to regroup and to reexamine my thoughts before proceeding sometimes... It's been said that one is only capable of viewing the world through the lens in which they see it, and when correction is concerned, I believe it is vital to be pure of mind and intention and to have the right desire and not to be caught in a negative mindset or be tense and full of anger... This accomplishes nothing at best, and undermines ones authority at worst and could lead to injury or the kind of hurt that isn't easily healed.  If I am to demand her best, how can I give her anything less?  How does a man give love if he doesn't have the grace to receive it?  Even when I am disappointed or hurt, there is an affection that exists to soothe and comfort both of our hearts even in the midst of the pain that comes from correction.

 

                                                                                                                       

                                                                                        

                                                                                                                 

     

  The Pay off comes in those moments of renewal, clean slate, and learning the best way to handle our thoughts and actions in the future. They say hindsight is often twenty twenty, but I think sometimes learning to get to that level of communication where  we become stronger as a couple and our bond becomes just that much more unbreakable.

                                                 

                                                                                                                 


Her POV:

I know that correction is not something that is pleasant for either of us. I know that it would be easier for him to overlook those things that call for it. And I know that neither one of us could live with that for feeling that we had failed the other, and our relationship.

The first correction came pretty quickly after we were us. I'm here to tell you, you can correct a spanko with a spanking. It has to do with the tone, the talk, the delivery. Daddy was effective in communicating his message. It is not something I wish to repeat. And he can correct me if I am wrong, but I don't think I ever have. Did it hurt? Heck yes! What hurt more? The look on his face when the words tumbled out of my mouth, and the sag in his shoulders when he realized what he had to do.

Do I want to be corrected? No. Do I want that intangible thing between him and I? No. Recently, before we thought Daddy was going to have to leave, I had a very bad day. And I was not who I should have been, especially in the face of thinking he might be gone for months. Daddy understood, and forgave it, and I got a pretty firm stress relief.....and it wasn't enough. When he asked what was wrong, and assured me that it was okay, and it hadn't been correction, I said maybe I needed it to be, because at the time I needed him most, I pushed him away the hardest. He said he understood why I had done it, but that perhaps it should have been correction. And so it was, and when it was over, we were better, and we were both stripped down and I could accept his forgiveness.

No, it's not fun. No it's not easy; not physically, not mentally, not emotionally. Without it, sometimes  it is too easy to hide from each other. I am grateful that my Ward is committed enough to me, to us, to guide us through those rough spots, because the place on the other side....well that's heaven.

Maintenance, Discipline, and Stress Relief

                                                                         

  June will tell you that she gets spanked every day. Often times two or three times a day.  Some of you may have a hard time believing that such a good, sweet girl  would require such frequent attentions... The truth is that June and I view maintenance and discipline a bit different than most.  We have found that daily spankings help keep us both where we need to be physically and mentally and we have both found that our relationship benefits deeply from this.  Besides being DD, we are both spanking enthusiasts and find spanking alluring, and we find them to be a soothing source of stress relief and a source of inspiration to the betterment of our relationship.

                                                                        

Maintenance even though we don't always call it that is a very special and very intimate way  of connecting and finding the comfort that  can only be found with each other. Yes we like it... Does that make it less DD? Less special? We don't think so.  It is more than a fascination, hobby, or fetish, it really is a way of living and thinking that makes us who we are.  June is hyper vigilant about everything, but especially her communication and the expression of her submission and desire to please me.  I am vigilant in responding to and facilitating her needs.  She honors me with her loving submission and her sweet and wonderful heart.  I try to honor her by being a man she can be proud to call hers.

                                                  

I've noticed that a lot of people seem to mistake or use discipline in conjunction with or interchangeably with correction or punishment.  For us Discipline is a way of refocusing and learning, discipline is very useful for reaching a goal, feeling our places and learning to communicate in a more effective, healthier way.  I just wish that perhaps there wasn't an immediate connection between discipline and punishment.  To some that would be semantics, but I guess I just see things a tad differently. While both valid, correction and discipline should both be used along with clear, focused communication that highlights expectations, encourages growth, and is affectionate and reassuring.

                                

 

                  

                  

                                                                                              

Stress relief comes in many forms. A long soak in a bubble field tub with a glass of wine, A relaxing foot massage, and yes even a good, long, firm spanking.  This world, this life are stressful and sometimes June needs me to help her find the balance in the interim.  Bills, work, kids and any other number of stressors can be handled, the trouble is, sometimes both of us have a knack for letting things "pile up" and then life gets overwhelming. June helps me with this as much as I help her... she's always ready and willing to drape herself across my lap and help me stop stress before it stops us.  Likewise, I'm always ready to give her the attention that she needs, be it  me distracting the kids so she can have some "Mommy Time" sending her out for a manicure/pedicure/massage or just taking time to listen, I've learned that it pays to put stress in it's place before it becomes unmanageable.

                                        

  

             

We've covered many topics on  spanking and have mentioned the differences between type and motivation, but I think sometimes it is good to get further into the many benefits that come along with the DD and spanking lifestyles.  Unceasing affection along with a unasuageable  thirst for fulfilment, growth and actualization.

                                                        

Her POV:
I hope I don't alienate all my new friends, yes, I get spanked every day, at least in the morning, it helps me start the day feeling totally owned, and at bedtime, it helps to blow away the stress of the day so that I can sleep (I have suffered from insomnia for years). Those are not always what some of our community that are strictly DD experience.

They vary in intensity, depends on the day, but there are lots of pauses, rubs and strokes, sometimes kisses and other lovely touches. They help to center me, give me the sense of my place in our relationship, his headship and Dominance, they let me feel safe and loved. For me, those are part of discipline. They firmly establish our roles.

Discipline might also be pulling me back when I start to range, when I feel a little our of control, or when stress is carrying me away... or carrying him away. I've said before that when I see Daddy stressing, I will offer myself to him, either handing him an implement, or simply laying across his lap. These - stress relief spankings- are always very firm, they may or may not bring tears.

 Correction is the only type that I would sell my soul to avoid. And not because of the level of spanking, but because I have behaved in a manner less than my man and/or my family deserves. In all ways I strive to represent myself, my Daddy and my family in a manner that brings him the honor that he deserves. When I have not done so, Daddy is far more gentle and forgiving with me than I am with myself. I may not like them, or want to earn them, but I am grateful that he loves me enough to provide them, so that we can clear the air and put those moments of being less behind us. He has never brought up one of those moments after they have passed- ever.

All in all, the ones I need, the ones I want, and the ones I deserve, I am grateful to Ward's diligence to our relationship, and for his insight and empathy in understanding what I need, what keeps me even, what keeps me feeling the way that I want to feel. I enjoy feeling submissive to him, I enjoy knowing that I am always under the shelter of his hand.

The Spanking Game

Old-Fashioned Marriage made a post about distancing and made an interesting proposition. He proposed that the wife be spanked as a consequence for the husband distancing, under the understanding that he bears the responsibility for all that goes on in the relationship (true), and since he cannot be held accountable, punishing his wife for his transgression would act to correct his behavior.

Ward and I do something kind of like that, but the thought behind it is a little different. I do not assume punishment for him. But when I sense that he is stressed, perhaps a little distant, I will bring him the hairbrush (his weapon errrrrr implement of choice), say "Go ahead, Daddy, you'll feel better", and drape my panty-covered bottom over his lap. And he always does feel better. And I feel good that I can offer that to him.

One time, on a particularly evil, not good, very bad day, (after a duty day prior to the last deployment) I wanted to pull him back to his happier self, and remind him that life was not always going to be this hard. So I thought and thought and thought, and this is what I did.

I laid a cool drink on the table where he would sit, as well as some sliced fruit and cheese and crackers. When he came in, I kissed him and slid his coat off his arms, loosened and removed his tie, sat him in his chair. After removing his boots and socks I gave him a relaxing foot massage and listened to his sighs as I explained what he saw on the table and floor.



I had laid out some pillows on the floor in front of the table. On the table were 6 bowls with slips of paper. One was labeled Action. It contained slips of paper with the words, lick, suck, spank, etc.Another labeled Substance with words like honey, chocolate, whipped cream, etc. Another was labeled body part. Another labeled Implement, which needs no explanation, lol. One was labeled position. And the last labeled Duration. 



 
Also on the table were 2 trays:

The game went: you chose a slip from the action bowl. If you received an impact word, you chose additional slips from the implement, position and duration bowls. If you chose a lick/suck/kiss word, you chose a slip from the substance, body part and duration bowls. Obviously, if it was an impact word, my bottom was the bottom being impacted regardless of who drew the slip, lol. And if you chose a 'mouth' word or massage/caress word you performed the action on the other partner.

Needless to say, by the time we were done playing,  communication was flowing easily, there was no distancing and no holding back, and I had one very deliriously relaxed, totally de-stressed Daddy....and we put the dinner on 'warm'.


HIS POV:  June knows my heart so well.  She takes such expert care of me that it makes me want to compose poetry to her name and glory.  As the head of our home I have to recognize that I need to be accountable to our standard and being a stressed out mess does not help.  We are  very blessed to count ourselves good communicators and I am very very fortunate to have her as my lady. This game was a blast and it's a wonderful way to pass a fall day, even when everything is going great!