DD/TTWD, Spanking, and Self-Discovery

                                                        

                                                                    

DD/TTWD is truly an amazing, vibrant lifestyle. We get the benefit of learning and being even more mindful of our partner's ideas, thoughts, dreams and desires. Even though June and I came into our relationship "as is", we have also discovered much about each other. When we were at the "feeling out" stage of our relationship,  there was certainly some trepidation about some of the things that we both felt and enjoyed. We have routinely  been delighted to find out that our communication has  led to us  being completely and utterly on the same page. June and I have come to realize that we probably belong to a sub-category of DD/TTWDers that may in fact be all our own.  We have alluded to, suggested, and even plainly stated that we are in fact spanking enthusiasts as well as a practicing DD/TTWD couple.

                                                                  

 I guess to some that might seem like an oxymoron, but June and I couldn't imagine life any other way. We also know that there are quite a few professed "spank-nos" out there.  I would also go a bit further and dare ask a question.... What if the line were blurred? What would happen if spanking wasn't used strictly for correction? What would happen if you discovered a wonderful tool that led to you talking more, touching more, kissing more, and making love deeper and stronger?  I'm sure you're all saying that it's easy for me to say and that my own backside isn't on the line, but truth is that far beyond correction or even discipline, there is something about spanking that calls to our shared sense of intimacy. It's more than just sexy, it's more than just something we do, it's who we are and what we share with nobody else. It brings us clarity, focus and speaks deep of the devotion that we hone daily.

                                                                                                 

                                           

 It doesn't necessarily have to be spanking.  We realize  that everyone is different, unique, special. That is in fact part of the magic of relationships. Romance, dedication and communication can unveil more than what simply passes a passionate fancy... No, sometimes intimate, connective time unveils a deeper side of our relationship. The kind we guard, the kind we have a thirst for... Those defining intimate moments that you savor while you are at work and pop into your head while you are doing a load of laundry. Even now typing this I am reminded of the thirst I have for June's love, affection, touch and sweet, soft kindness.  Every day in every way this energy, this intimacy defines a relationship.  June and I just happen to think that spanking in it's many sumptuous forms happens to be a perfect vehicle for this.

                                                              

Self-discovery begins with but a few words, communication is the key. Do you have a unrequited passion that you long to share with your partner? Tell them, show them how you feel, and that it's more than that tingly feeling  or something that curls your toes.  Trepidation much?  Sometimes the only way to gain new ground is to take the first step and give voice to our thoughts, dreams, and yes, desires.  Likewise, take the time to give ear to the voice of your partner... Work together to find that special place that belongs to you as a couple and you as a couple alone.  Find that spark, let if blossom into the beautiful flames of deep intimacy. 

                                                  

 Knowing these things, DD/TTWD has actually improved in every aspect for us.  That connection we speak of, that intimacy drives us to be our best. June is the best woman that I've ever had the pleasure to know, and she puts everything into being loving wife, mother, and best friend.  DD/TTWD also makes me want to be a better man, to be a good father and to bring love and light to our family. Who would have thought a teensy, tiny little spanking would do all that?!





                               

Her POV:

I was raised in a culture of guilt. I accept the blame for everything, and I mean everything. I stress from life in general, I didn't do well enough, I didn't give enough, I shouldn't have been annoyed at the children, the laundry wasn't done, I didn't finish an assignment, dinner was delayed or something happened along the way and a step took longer than it should have. I am my own worst critic.

I take things to heart. Sometimes I am overly sensitive. Things are said that are innocuous, but I get upset. Or just the trials of life, things beyond  our control, I fret, and knowing how much is on his plate, hold them in, effectively building walls. I rely on him to help me. Spankings break down those walls and keep us stripped and open, close and communicating.

At other times there is nothing as intimate as laying yourself bare across his lap, open for his touch, in all the ways he chooses to touch you. It is a wonderful, warm, soft, surrendered, vulnerable, cared for, loved, protected feeling. It, too, is stripped away intimacy.

Spanking for us is the tool, the vehicle that we use to drive our relationship. I look to him to support me as I support him, to elevate me as I elevate him, to hold me accountable, to change my 'stinkin' thinkin', to correct me when I stray from our truth, to help me be open, soft, feminine and vulnerable. For us, these things often start with me across his lap, with his leadership and my trust,with my vulnerability and his acceptance, and with the gift to each other of authenticity, of his Dominance and my submission.

What June's Submission Means to Ward.

                                                  

 June's submission is the sweet ambrosia that allows me to ascend beyond the limits and constraints of mere-mortal manhood.  Submission is her gift to me and in so offering, I must ascend, I must respect, I must develop into the man that is worthy of her love, support and submission.  I take and/or make time every day to not only acknowledge the gift of her submission, but to develop, nurture and strengthen it and our dynamic.

                                                            

I have told June many times that she is a natural submissive... She would probably say that she is just herself and that it is my dominance that has such an affect on  her. She honors me with her words and even if she was just being herself, she brings me so much more than I have ever had or could dare dream of.  In my previous relationships, I often felt marginalized,  ignored, disrespected, unimportant.  Indeed at times it felt like I was struggling to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.  It saddens me that I cannot take the time that I lost and give it back to June... but I also realize that without  the life experiences I have, I could not be the man that I am and I never would have met my one true soul mate... and that would truly be a tragedy.  We have discussed the impact that communication has on a healthy relationship and at times that communication does in fact extend beyond words.

                                           

Submission isn't always easy but it's impact is immediate and undeniable. One of the things that I really must do is give June credit where it is due. I know that I am not always the easiest person to deal with. I have high expectations for our  communication, our family and, of course, us as a couple.  Even when I am not at my best, even when it is difficult, June responds with grace and love and even when  I haven't handled something particularly well, she takes that extra second, breathes and allows her submission to bloom out ahead of what may have been in the front of her mind. This effort, seemingly small  is often the difference between cool heads and  a misunderstanding and, June my love, again I salute you, I know that I am not always easy or pleasant.

Submission also comes in the form of the love and care that she provides. Many times before thought formed in my head, June was there with a glass of water or I've come home to find my favorite meal hot and on the table. In many ways it is so much more than taking care of me or our home... She is taking care of us and the bond that we hold dear.  Knowing these things, and observing them with clear mind and proud eyes... I strive and am forced to become a better, more attentive man... She deserves no less and in truth, our relationship cannot be allowed to stagnate. Effort every day, even when it isn't easy drives growth and reciprocity.

                                                         

Submission

- Feeds our dynamic and provokes communication, thought, growth and effort
- Feeds my Dominance and draws it out
- Allows us to feel our HoH and TiH rolls evenly and fully
- Guides and guards our hearts and minds and keeps them focused on growth, communication, stability and reciprocity
- Ignites our love life and  and fuels our passion for each other

                                                             

 Her grace even under pressure charmed me from the first and her thirst for my dominance allowed for the easy and delightful expression of our physical passion. She presents, she offers herself fully and unwaveringly even when it hurts, even when it is a test, she recognizes the value of intensity and gifts me with the sweetness of her body and the warmth of her mind. We are big advocates of  a lifestyle enriched by communication, reciprocity, dominance, submission and  above all love. So what does it mean to me? It means that I have been given the opportunity to love harder, to cherish, to respect, to teach, to guide and to grow into the man that June deserves.  Her submission is a key component in our developing not a good relationship....but a great one! 

We encourage each and every one  to discover what submission means to you and how it can further your relationship goals, bring you closer and awaken a passion that is uniquely and truly yours!

                                                            

         

Her POV:

Let's see if June can type through tears..... I am really just me. I don't try to be or do anything. I do respond to his Dominance. It's almost tangible. I spent most of my life feeling lost, adrift. I gave and was minimalized. My resources, my heart and soul were drained. I felt that I had nothing left to give, and certainly wouldn't be worth receiving, because it had no worth to anyone at full capacity. Here I was, hollow, depleted... I had given up.

Ward came into my life, and I was amazed that he wanted me. And I am amazed still. He sees me... he sees straight into my soul, and he loves me still. He looks at all that jumble in there and he shows me that I am worthy. He accepts my need to serve. He proclaims me beautiful in service. He allows me to feel his Dominance cover me like an umbrella on a storm-tossed day, or a blanket, warm, soft, comforting, and protective.
 
Again here, which came first, the chicken or the egg? I don't think it matters. It just matters that we feed each other, fulfill each other, consume each other and grow better and stronger, and more entwined with every interaction.

Respect, Courage, and Learning to Lead by Listening

                                                     

  When you hear the word respect, it may inspire thoughts of  learning, reconsideration, contrition, love, discipline, courage, honor, or any of a number of other adjectives.  Respect is something that is earned, learned, honored and freely given. It should never be taken for granted or forgotten. 

  Sometimes respect isn't so simple as dominance and submission, sometimes, true, real respect is the measure of a man or woman. It can be the difference between the unspoken part of the truth,  and clearing the air. It can be the difference between little gestures that create fissures and gaps, and a full functioning partnership that effectively considers and weighs all factors without purposefully dampening or alienating the other person.

                                  

                                                                                                                                
                  
  In the light of dominance a man should learn that sometimes respect should guide his decisions, words and actions toward his wife and children. I cannot say what may be for others, but in my relationship with June, I make it a point to use and select my words with the utmost care. I know that sometimes my decisions and my words may not be easy to hear or accept, but I know that my demeanor, my attitude can influence the way conversations and expectations are received. Sometimes I know that I must do or say something that won't exactly be well received... but let's be honest nobody said that this life was easy or fair.  No, being in a DD marriage isn't for cowards or those that  are looking for the easy way out.

                                                
 Honesty is a pillar of any kind of strong relationship. Honesty's value lies in it's solidity and unyielding love and devotion.  Sometimes honesty stings and even hurts...but at least it's real. Respecting your partner enough to give them honesty in all things, even the small ones are important... having the courage to approach your partner when they are struggling and tell them the truth, even when you know that it is a sensitive issue  is easier said than done, but If you can't be honest with your partner, then how can you really be honest with yourself?  Respect, courage and honesty are all pillars of a healthy and thriving relationship... They test us all from time to time and we all become stronger due to their influence.  When we choose one we are choosing all three... Gone is the halfhearted conversation with the tv on, gone are the rolling eyes, gone is the interrupted speech and the "whatevers"  Cohesion, reciprocity, and a willingness to make things right when we mess up have granted June and I that something that cannot easily be described, it is like a warm blanket on a cold rainy day.  It is like ambrosia on the tongue, and relaxing music to the ear.

                                            

   We work at it every day... June gave me so many gifts in our relationship. She empowered me to lead. She welcomed my strength, didn't cower from my intellect, or run from my dominance.  Together we have learned and continue to learn much from each other. I know that I mess up sometimes... Sometimes being an HoH is a difficult thing. She sometimes tells me that I am harder than I need be on myself but I guess that's only because I want to do this right. I know that even when it won't be easy or fun, that I have a privilege, a responsibility and a calling to do the right thing by my family. June is also one of the strongest people I know and I know that even if it's something I don't care to hear that she loves me enough to be honest with me. Our respect for each other continues to grow and thrive in the wake of the world around us.

How many times have you been out with your partner and you noticed that vanilla couples seem so disconnected, even  when they are holding hands? How many times have you seen or heard people being rude or cruel to each other?   Maybe I'm just a fuddy-duddy but I think any man that calls himself husband or leader should never be so disrespectful to his wife or partner as to swear at her or bully her when she's trying her best... I also believe that no woman who calls herself wife or partner should ever be so self absorbed and disrespectful as to blatantly ignore his wishes, try to talk over him in conversation, or belittle and besmirch their relationship. Part of me pities these folks and would make a suggestion or two on what should happen and how communication should work, but I use these types of people as an inspiration for what I strive to never be as a husband and father. No it's not always easy, but even when it's hard, it is good, and it is real. 

                                                  

Strong leadership, love, and a dedication to treat each other right is something that any couple DD, TTWD, or otherwise can gain something so deep and pure from. These things are the foundation for a lifetime.



                                                                 


Her POV:
This is a topic that Daddy and I talk about all the time. I see things that make me shudder...you know that Ward is my Daddy...we have accounts on FetLife. A lot of the littles seem to take pride in being brats. It makes me uncomfortable. It's not who I am, it's not what I want to be, it's not what I want to give him. He deserves better than that from me. Even sometimes...one I read today... she found it hard to say - yes, Daddy - please, Daddy - thank you, Daddy. Gosh, no matter what kind of relationship you have, vanilla, D/s, M/s, D/lg....doesn't matter, those things are basic respect.

Respect implies connection, honesty, being open to your partner, not shutting them out. I've said it before, we've been out and come around the corner of an aisle and seen people fighting, snarling, voices raised, mean looks, or talking to each other with ugly words...it feels like an affront. I sink a little further into him. We live in a college town, at graduation last year, the streets were packed with people. The thing I noticed was the physical and emotional distance. No one touched, no smiles, no talking, no looking at each other, not connecting on any level. Out of all the thousands of people we saw, there was one couple holding hands, and they were so far removed from each other that their hands were at 90 degree angles to their bodies.

I am far from perfect, I got as little snappy last night, but when I realized it, I apologized, and he apologized for the statement that led me to react not so much as myself. And it turns out that he did because he was troubled by an exchange with a friend. But we had not crossed so far that we could not hear each other and communicate about the real issue and our little momentary rough patch.

I had a live in  example as to what I did not wish to be. The woman who gave birth to me had no respect for anyone. She thrived on denigrating people...every man she was ever with. It repulsed me. And I joked with my therapist on more than one occasion, I had no example of what to be...as a wife and as a mother....but I sure had very clear examples of what not to be. We are unfailingly honest with each other....if we are not, what do we have? We can let each other know that we were hurt, put off our feet, disarmed, upset...respectfully. Sometimes not in the moment, but later when we have out thoughts elucidated... we can ask to speak to our partner, and say "I was hurt/upset/didn't understand/need clarity on..." And we retain and enrich our relationship...we enforce that we can turn to each other.

He is my greatest blessing, thinking of what to write here, I am writing with tears streaming down my cheeks. I empower him to lead, and he empowers me to be who I am. He empowers me to express my heart in the soft way that feels good and natural to me. I have all my life been a step out of time. I am the Kool-Aid mom, loved the smell of fresh laundry, and flour on my face and clothing with the aroma of fresh bread permeating the air. I have had to carry my family before... alone....from the time I was about 5, thinking of how I could make peace in the house. When I was 9 and cooking, cleaning, paying the bills so it would get done, and through my first three relationships. I should be more, want more.... money,  promotions, status. I was the hamster on the wheel that drove me into the ground.
I longed for reciprocity, and I gave myself dry.

I am submissive to Ward...that is a gift because it is who I am. I only have to be exactly who I am - I can be soft. I can be vulnerable. And I am elevated, never looked down on or thought weak. To hear Ward say that I am strong amazes me. In bending to him, in surrendering the trappings of this society and the mask I was forced to assume, in yielding my will to him, I am stronger, and have a joy I have never known. I receive respect that I have never experienced before. I enjoy honesty that has been lacking all of my life. Courage? Ward is courageous, he says I am, but I don't know about that. I know that I am free from fear for the first time ever.

I don't know how much sense any of this has made. I am a jumble right now. So much emotion bubbling, so much love, so much respect for this man who lets me be, lets me feel, who love me, who lifts me up. You have worried, my love, that you are lacking, but you are more than I ever dreamed. You ARE the ideal that I cobbled from my needs, desires, hurts, hopes and dreams. You are honest, and I am completely without guile in your love. I am honored to call you my love, my heart, my man, my leader. I love you, simply, fearlessly, courageously, and with complete honesty. 

Beauty and Self-Image



  I see beauty everywhere, I see it in the sky, blue and full of clouds, I see it  in the forests so full of trees and green.  I see it on the smiling face of children and in my lover's voluptuous form.  Sometimes June has trouble seeing herself as I do.  As I am sure you know, June's past  has a lot to do with that.  She is as beautiful and radiant as the sun and I am working hard to change her perception of what beauty is. I won't say it's the whole reason, but I think the media has significantly contributed to what I believe is an unrealistic and unobtainable standard of beauty for both men and women.   I guess I've always had a unique and different mindset, but the beauty of human form is undeniable.  The differences between us all are to be celebrated.   Tall or short, light or dark,  we are all a testament to design and shape.

 She knows that I don't tolerate any self-disparaging remarks or down talk about herself.  I think that a positive self-image is a important part of any healthy relationship, and even more so when that relationship contains elements of Domestic Discipline.  I celebrate her beauty and grace in my life daily. The impact of her beautiful spirit, her kindness, her wisdom and grace are as potent and delightful as the sensual gift that her curvy form is. Every inch of her skin  from head to toe speaks of my delight and the warmth that radiates (sometimes literally) from within. 



 We want to be the couple walking down the street that everyone notices... Not for the clothes we wear or the car we drive but  the relationship. We want the beauty and light of our relationship to speak for itself.  Being rich in family and spirit is something that we all delight in and we love to let it shine.

As for physical beauty,  with everything else I guess there is just no accounting for tastes. June knows that I love her body, and that her body type is what calls to me.. I like curves,  always have always will and as she gains confidence, I've noticed that June is becoming less afraid to use them on me! I find her increasing confidence sexy and marvel at how anybody ever found her less than beautiful.  My tastes tend to run toward what was once considered classic.  My tastes tend to run towards the curvy and the rubenesque...

                                                  

A positive self-image is more than sexy, it's the foundation of confidence and pride.  The beauty we carry inside is stronger and deeper than the world around us!

Her POV:

I have to tell you that I am sitting here with a raging blush, first for Daddy's effusive praise, and secondly because my boldness has been noted (of course I know he notes it, but to have it pointed out that I'm not necessarily as demure as I like to be....oh my). I am Daddy's girl, I am Ward's woman, and I enjoy expressing my love of and my desire for him in many ways. 

When I am with him, this mundane world disappears, and the world we inhabit is a beautiful place - the landscape is verdant, the sky is azure in day, and a velvet midnight blue painted riotously with stars at night, beauty abounds and the air is fresh and sweet with botanical scents. When I am with him, my body sings, and I feel as elegant and beautiful and full of grace as any dancer that lights a stage afire with her passion. When I am with him I am who I always dreamed I could be. I am free and unfettered, and without limits.

When he is not here, when he is floating beneath the jeweled sea, I ache for the things that are but pale ghosts without him - and I work with all my might to remain worthy of our life and his esteem. 

I don't know if I will ever feel beautiful to the world, but I feel beautiful to him, and that is all that really matters, isn't it? I love you, mo Rí.

More Than Just Words

WORDS

Every now and then it occurs to me that there is high value in the words that we use to communicate. Sometimes it's finding just the words that bring comfort  or clarity in times of stress.  Sometimes it's taking the time to show someone that you are there for them.  I find that in our relationship, June and I communicate on a fluid and natural level.  I actually am learning for the first time that it's more than okay to open up and share things, even the things that are not easy to talk about.




Like a lot of guys, when there is something on my mind, I'm not exactly forthcoming... I'm sure you know what I mean, sometimes when asked what is on my mind, I give out the classic answers "Stuff"  and "nothing" ... Trouble with all those is besides the obvious, June knows my heart and knows me better even at times than I know myself,  not to mention the fact that it would create an unacceptable double standard.... We don't do distancing, it's just not allowed and I can't ask my June to do something when I am not capable of it myself.  

                                                              ACTIONS

Sometimes it's more than words though, sometimes it's about our actions. More than thought, our deeds can give our thoughts and words form, substance and in the case of discipline, teeth.  A warm hug, a shoulder to cry on, a firm but loving hand... all of these things can be very powerful tools that not only bring us comfort, but in fact prove our love and dedication to each other. I've tried to reach some of my guy friends (with limited success).  Taking the time to show our love and care for each other is one of the most beautiful ways to reaffirm and strengthen our bond, and I wouldn't miss those opportunities for the world.  Even when actions are difficult, they are worthy of our time and we always grow from them.

                                                             THOUGHTS

 I think of June so often that if I told you how many times a day she crosses my mind, you would probably laugh at me. I take pride in taking care of my lady, my lover, my best friend and my everything, sometimes I try to think of simple things that make her days brighter. I am not always the man I should be for her but I have grown so much with her and love taking care of her and spoiling her as much as I can.  I also will tell you that I am the luckiest man alive.  June takes such very good care of me, she is always there for me when I need her in every way.  She seems to know just what I need and desire and she goes out of her way to please me.  Her body and her mind sing to me and her thoughtfulness is one of the greatest gifts that I have ever received




Our words thoughts and deeds are powerful things, and can make the difference between a regular day and a marvelous one!

 Her POV
Well, it is my turn to be humbled by Daddy's words. Ward is always conscientious, present, supportive and loving.  I am working on releasing the fear. Daddy's kind, gentle, attentive manner pulls me out of that dark place, and his light suffuses those things that weigh heavy. He lightens me. It's not only words, words can be a lie. It is the way in which I know that he thinks of me, what his friends tell me he says about us. It's the things that he does, and the way that he does them, never impatient, always timely, always giving his full attention. Communication is one of the most important thing that we do. And it is not simply the things that we speak, it is the things we do and the way we treat each other, not ony to the other person, but how we present them and our relationship to the world.

"Exactly my brand of heroin" (or reflections on finding my Edward)

Yes, yes, I am an unashamed, unabashed Twilight fan. It is the intensity of the love that Edward has for Bella that does it, all the pretty words. When Twilight first came out, I used to say, oh, Lord, I wish someone would love me like THAT. I want someone that possesses my mind like THAT. (As you can see from our last post - I found my heart, my dream).



The effect that Bella and Edward have is reciprocal, each affects the other. Bella finds Edward's eyes hypnotic, and knows without a doubt that she'd have followed him, even to her doom, at their first meeting. Edward compares Bella's appeal to that of 100-year-aged cognac to an alcoholic. The images used to market the movie, they have a strong appeal to me. It is not just the image of a man embracing a woman, there is an aura in that image, a force that emanates from Edward, and wraps itself passionately and protectively around Bella.



Ward is possessing of this force. Ward intoxicates me. I can FEEL him enter a room. When he touches me, when he speaks to me, the response is intensely visceral. Emotion, desire to touch and be touched, to be possessed, to please, wash over me. I get this sensation in my mind, that I have named 'brain tickle'. I don't know how else to describe it. It is intensely pleasant. It washes from my brain down my arms, my hands, my legs, it makes me feel as though I am swimming through mud - movement is too much effort. I have never experienced this state of being with another person - ever. It is something that I enjoy - crave. It makes him exactly my brand of heroin.

Which brings to mind another one of 'those' words - mind control. This term is a very subjective term, I am sure. For some, it has a very negative connotation. For me, it what I describe above - the ability to get so far inside my head that he can with a touch, with a word, with the mere sound of his voice, have my body respond to him. He plays me like a cellist in a symphony orchestra, each small movement, each small effort, thrums through my mind and body like the strings resonate with the emotion of the musician.



My desire to be played this exquisitely, to have everything that I do be pleasing to him, puts me squarely within his control. And that is the sweetest place that I have ever inhabited. That is home, for the first time in my long life.

"It’s an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and accept you for what you are. I’ve been waiting, for what seems like a very long time, to get beyond what I am." With Ward I feel like I can finally begin. So I’d like to propose a toast to my wonderful Daddy. My darling, "no measure of time with you will ever be enough, but let's start with forever."

HIS POV:

June does me great honor and it moves my heart to know that I have the kind of effect on her that I do.  I would also be remiss if I didn't tell you all how I feel about her... When I hear her voice at the end of the day, it's almost like listening to the celestial chorus... like beautiful songbirds and watching the sun rise at the same time...   She knows how to light my fire, boil my blood, and bring me to my utmost in the sweetest most lyrical way.. My June is quite a lady!  I love the way we move each other!

Whatever you do in life

Whatever you do in life will be
insignificant but it is very
important that you do it because...
You can't know...
You can't ever really know the
meaning of your life...
And you don't need to...
Just know that your life has a meaning...
Every life has a meaning... whether
it lasts one hundred years or one
hundred seconds...
Every life... And every death... changes the
world in its own way...
Ghandi knew this. He knew his life
would mean something to someone,
somewhere, somehow. And he knew
with as much certainty that he
could never know that meaning...
He understood that enjoying life
should be of much greater concern
then understanding it.
And so do I.
You can't know...
So don't take it for granted...
But don't take it too seriously...
*Don't postpone what you want...
*Don't leave anything misunderstood...
*Make sure the people you care about know...
*Make sure they know how you really feel...
Because just like that...
IT COULD END

- Tyler Hawkins - REMEMBER ME
***********************************
I love this ending monologue from the movie Remember Me. Very sage advice.

Honor

 Honor is a concept that you don't see discussed much anymore.  To be possessed of honor is almost an antiquated virtue, something that went out with the age of chivalry. Honor speaks to personal dignity and character. It is an abstract concept that, psychologically speaking, is as real to the human mind as love. Dr. Samuel Johnson described honor as "nobility of soul, magnanimity, and a scorn of meanness." The modern dictionary defines it as: (n) honesty, fairness, or integrity. 

One who is possessed of honor is honorable, described in the modern dictionary as being of high rank, dignity, or distinction; noble, illustrious, or distinguished, worthy of honor and high respect; estimable; creditable.

We give honor to honorable people, we regard or treat them with admiration and respect.

Honor is a very large thing. It is something that we can possess, it is something that is the fabric of our being. It is something that we can gift to others.

In the world at large we don't see very much honor. We see things that are very wearying. One thing has struck me, as I find my way and make my home in this community of bloggers. Honor is a concept with which we are all well acquainted. It is at the center of our relationships. It is something that we value and strive to perpetuate. We encourage it in ourselves and in our friends. 
  

Honor is not a one way concept for us in this community. It is not something that comes from the bottom up. It is something that cycles from us to our partners and from them back to us. They honor our submission. We are loved, cherished, respected and elevated. We honor their leadership. And we love, cherish, respect and elevate our partners. This reciprocity builds bonds of loyalty, and we strive to maintain these positive relationships. We have a higher degree of empathy for each other.

We honor and support others in the community and their individual journeys, and we receive the same in return.



 
People think that we are an aberration, a throwback to times of servitude and subjugation. They do not see or understand the beauty, the gentility, the high standards to which each of us holds ourselves. I would rather live in this community of honorable people, than the world of 'equal' and 'liberated' persons.

I honor and thank my Daddy. He is the most honorable, honest, loyal and nurturing person I have ever had the privilege of having in my life. He honors my submission, and he asks nothing more of me than that I be the very best me that I can be. He honors and humbles me with his love. I love him with my all.

I thank each and every one of my new friends. I thank you for your humor. I thank you for your wisdom. I thank you for your insights. I thank you for your ears. I thank you for your ideas and your advice. I thank you for your welcoming acceptance of Daddy and myself, and of each other. I am humbled and honored to know each and every one of you.

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 9

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Well, yes. It's Daddy's job to keep order, to establish rules that move us to where we want to be. I've seen some rules that others have and they are prohibitive (yeah - yeah - no pun intended). They seem kind of frivolous. The rules that Daddy makes are rules that keep destructive influences out of our relationship.

Our rules so far are pretty simple, the basic 4 D's - no disrespect, danger, dishonesty, disobedience. Daddy added: no distance (bad habit & I think I'm being considerate when I do it - go figure), no self-deprecation (I have very poor self-image), no bad language (umm - yeah :">), and that I will engage in self-care (I overlook my own needs in favor of everyone else), no fit-throwing ("It would be beneficial for you, little one, if I did not find out you threw a fit" - when I said I was gunna throw a fit cause the post office lost an important package - ummm, yes, Sir :-> My behavior is a reflection of him).

I like structure. I like being under his authority. I understand the reasons for all the rules, they are not arbitrary, they benefit me as a submissive, us as a couple and our relationship. I'm content with what he has put in place, and grateful that he has given such thoughtful consideration to things that will enrich us and help us to grow.

Correction and Gratitude

Here is a subject that makes me squirmy, and I don't like to talk about, and I don't like to receive, and immediately puts
me in little-space (can we have the 'Doom' song please?)
...correction. And I only bring it up because Daddy has made several posts on spankings, and we kind of just brushed over this aspect.







Daddy does not like the term punishment, it has a negative connotation, it is about retribution rather than transformation. It implies resentment and distance. Daddy prefers the term correction. Correction implies putting something back on the right course, to wipe clean the slate and start fresh. It means that Daddy does not collect resentment stamps about my mistakes, and I don't collect resentment stamps that he delivered on his responsibility in a consistent and diligent manner.




Some people assume that if spanking is used in other ways in the relationship, or the submissive enjoys being spanked that it cannot be used effectively as correction. And again, this is what works for us, every dynamic is different, your mileage may vary. Spanking as a form of correction works for us quite effectively. When Daddy sits me on his lap and says he thinks we need to talk about _____ (fill in the blank), I feel incredibly contrite, and I am acutely aware of how my actions have affected our relationship. The fact that my behavior has disappointed him is nearly crushing. The spanking will be harder, faster, longer and more painful. It will not be fun. It will not be something I want to do again (not the thing that brought on the spanking, nor certainly not the spanking).

So now everyone is saying, okay, so where and HOW does gratitude come in? Daddy loves me enough to pull me back from destructive behaviors. He loves me enough to give me what I need. He loves me enough to drive the change, even when it is difficult for him (and correction IS difficult for the D-type). He values our relationship enough to keep us on the course we have set. He loves me enough to offer forgiveness, and show me how to forgive myself. He values us enough to pull us back from distance to reconciliation.

Even though it is unpleasant to experience, it has to be acknowledged that correction is given with the intent of regaining and maintaining closeness, and of deepening the relationship. Correction is meant to break down walls and resistance and move us towards forgiveness, a deeper trust  and better communication.