Broken

I came damaged. I was broken. If you ask Ward he will tell you that I have changed, that I am less fearful than when we first knew each other. I know that I once projected a sense of false bravado that I have abandoned. I don't need it anymore.But once upon a time I needed it. It was how I protected myself. I was the odd bird with the very strange plumage and the stranger vocalizations, because if you were odd, people didn't get too close. And if they did, you could always distance. Yup. I had it all covered.




The woman who gave birth to me was schizophrenic. I talked before about the things that happened in the house where I grew. She was physically abusive.She was verbally and emotionally abusive. She let her men touch me and use me in ways a child should never know. I learned to dissociate, to be unaffected, to suppress my emotions to such an extent that you would have thought I was a mannequin. I learned to distance rather than feel very early in life.







When I was out in the world, just old enough to work (both to get out of the house - away from her, and because it was required - she wanted the money), I learned that if you were quiet - and non-conformist - usually people left you alone. I shaved my head.I dressed in steel-toed boots and jeans, or all black if required to wear skirts or dresses...WITH black boots. That usually kept people at a distance. And if it didn't, if they were curious about this odd person, my mask of bravado was enough to hold them at bay. And if it didn't, well I never really let anyone in close enough to hurt me.



Then I did, three times. None of them ended well. All of them ended with me working multiple jobs to support my partners who were jobless for two to six years. And while I was working seven days a week, in some cases 16-18 hours a day, they found other partners. And I was convinced that I was not enough, never would be. Even my own mother couldn't love me. I was unattractive, in mind and body, and apparently lacking in heart. This is what I was told and shown over and over and over from earliest memory. I honestly believed that I carried some defect, some darkness because of my birth. I felt that the darkness inhabited my soul, and could be seen and felt.

Then I saw a poem that touched my heart and soul and wrote to the author to express my gratitude for having been blessed in the reading of it, and I met my Ward. The Story of How We Met is found elsewhere on the blog and I won't bore you with that again either (even though I love the story). As we got to know each other better, I was sure that he would see the darkness, too, that he would find the thing that made him run, that the brokenness would send him screaming into the night. But it didn't.

He tries to get me to see me as he does. He tries to help silence the nagging little voice that says he will find me out. He is patient and kind and he gently and diligently calls my surrender of those things that can put a distance between us.. He makes rules to try to guide my thoughts away from the notion that I am not enough. He has made a rule that I may not make self-disparaging remarks. He says that I have been lied to all my life, and that I do not see myself clearly because of those lies.  Sometimes when we are having a conversation about how I am feeling, I will ask for immunity so that I can express what goes through my mind. I have come to realize, with Stormy's help, that when I distance (another rule) it looks to him like I do not trust him with my thoughts and feelings and fears. So I have made an effort to give him those things, I think I've been pretty successful.

One of the most frustrating...disheartening things that I have found in our foray into blogland, and the subsequent self-discovery that it brings, is that every time I believe that I have FINALLY surrendered the very last thing to Ward, that I am completely open and holding nothing back...I find another.

We were having an innocent conversation, and Daddy said something sweet. He said that he felt my love enhance his and us. And I replied with an earnest, 'I hope so.' I meant only that I hoped I was worthy. There was a pause and he asked if he could ask me a question, I said of course. And he asked why I say things like 'I hope so', that it was like I doubt what we are.


I was crushed...I had hurt him.I don't doubt him, and I don't doubt us. I  doubt my own worthiness of this beautiful love. He told me that I am beautiful and complicated and his...and I marveled that he still wanted me, even with all the cracks and imperfections And as he talked, he gently placed another piece of broken little me back in place. He made sure that it fit, and that the bond made with his patience and his love was strong. 

 
The next time, a day or two later, that Daddy said something to which my knee-jerk response was to be 'I hope so", I stopped with the words on the tip of my tongue, and took a breath, met his eyes and said, 'Thank you, Daddy."

I came broken, and he is slowly and patiently putting me back together. And he gives me wings.

 

HIS  POV: 
June's early life was one of adversity and disquiet.  I would see her elevated beyond the hurt of the past and help her see the beauty that has always existed in both form and spirit.  I know that there are scars on or within us all. I guess the way I see  it,  nurturing each other is ALWAYS a priority. It is always a comfort to know that she is there for me too. I too have a very "lived in" life and it is a comfort to know that she is always here for me!

What it's like....

I thought I'd spend a little time today talking about what it's like for me....





To be:

- June's Daddy
- A spanko
- A old fashioned man in a modern time







Being June's Daddy is like no other gift  that I have ever received.  Our hearts and minds are so in tune at times it's almost uncanny.  She is my support system, my inspiration and the warmth and light of comfort at the end of long and wearisome days.   I support her, guide her, give her the support, love, respect, discipline and attention that she needs to thrive in the warmth of our love.











When our relationship began Ms. June and I spent a lot time discussing and comparing notes on life, spanking lifestyles and many other things. As time went on it was very clear that we shared something that is rare, profound and timeless.  Indeed, being her daddy, her man, her best friend has brought out the best in me and made me a better man





Being a spanko is like....  A cold drink on a hot day, soft music, making love on a rainy day, dancing beneath a full moon... it's amazing...

It has also come to our attention that perhaps we aren't like some DD couples. In addition to using spanking for discipline and correction (June really is a very good girl) [Thank you, Daddy :)]  We also love spanking for any of a bunch of other reasons.  In addition to being a great stress reliever,  it hones our libidos, and generally connects us at a very close and special level.  I think it's also advantageous for us on a one to one basis because both of us are true blue spankos and came this way, nobody got converted so to speak, it was 100% natural and that's how we love it.

Being Old Fashioned is a bit like:



Being a gentleman.  I try to carry myself like a gentleman, just how my mother and father raised me.  It kind of stands out in stark contrast to what the media portrays as the quintessential modern man - you know the clueless buffoon that is more childish than his children... I try to be a man that Ms. June can be proud of... She deserves the best I can give her and I try to carry myself that way. 






It's a beautiful thing to share this relationship...this life with a wonderful lady like mine.  I bid you all a great weekend!

Her POV:

We talked endlessly, and easily, and openly, like I have never talked with anyone else before. And it was unassuming. We had no expectations. Ward had a little trick that served as both a conversation starter and a deflection technique, lol - "random question", but it helped us to learn all manner of things about each other.

He is charming and very much old-fashioned and courtly. He is a breath of fresh air. He possess a strength of character that is quite uncommon, and extraordinarily attractive. He is absolutely magnetic.

I have always, because of my life till Ward, been cards to my chest, but he reads me well, things that I think I conceal and no one has ever understood, he sees and understands and responds in ways that make me open and fold myself into him.

I am indeed proud of my man. I am proud of who he is. I am proud to belong to him. I am proud of who we are together. I am proud of the kind of family we are building for our children. He is yummy :)

Being Daddy's little girl

So we know how Ward became Daddy. He said when he came back he wanted post about his experience of being Daddy, and we in fact talked about that the other evening. This is about what it feels like being little, what it feels like being his little girl.

He is my everything. He is every prayer I ever uttered answered, and every dream I never dared. He is my best friend. He is my leader. He is my man. He is my hero. He is my lover. He is my guide. He is my heart. He is m'anumchara. He is my King. He is every good thing that ever is or will be in one word - Daddy.

I've spoken briefly here and there about us having a D/lg dynamic in our mix. And we've established that we are not age-play. When we are intimate, I am not a little girl. I am all woman (just ask Ward, lol). I don't dress in frilly clothes, there are no hair bows, pacifiers, diapers. When Daddy spanks, he spanks his partner, not an errant child, though my childlike side often reacts if I feel I have wronged him, or been less than I want to be for him. It is not something we step into and step out of for play or for short periods of time.

Those are a bunch of things it's not. So what is it? It is who we are every moment of every day. It's loving sparkly, shiny, jingly things, and having Daddy indulge that, admiring the things that catch my eye. It's his being tickled when I am distractable. It's enjoying blowing bubbles and water gun fights and tickle fights. It's about never hearing "Oh, grow up!"





It's about sharing the joy of those simple things. It's giggling with abandon, and his chuckle further fueling my giggle. It's eating with your fingers and feeding Daddy with your fingers, and him licking you clean. It's being scared or sad and having arms wrapped around you and never hearing, "You're being ridiculous", but hearing, "It's all right, darling, Daddy's here." It's about Daddy listening to your broken heart and fixing the things that are wrong.



It's about being me, perfectly imperfect just me, and being loved unconditionally. It's about Daddy looking into my heart and showing me how beautiful I am, over and over again, even when I resist that idea. It's about him showing me that even when I make a mistake, I am loved, and I am good, just my actions are sometimes in error.






It is the freedom to be exactly who I am, never holding back any small part of myself, completely laid bare, completely vulnerable and unvarnished before him, and being protected and treasured and safe.

The Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

Those of you familiar with FetLife know that you can view the feeds/activities of your friends, just like Facebook. I came upon an extraordinary piece of writing today, written by my friend, PhyrrImp. This is a well-balanced piece regarding the dynamics of a healthy power exchange relationship. I wanted to share, because regardless of  whether you consider yourself a DD couple, D/lg, D/s or M/s, this is an excellent measure of what you should require of your partner and of yourself. I thank PhyrrImp for her permission to share this. And I hope others find this as helpful and informational as I did.

************************** 

 

The Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

 The Dom

The Protector
The Disciplinarian
The Guide
The Nurturer
The Safe Place
The Dom may critique but never criticizes. To critique is to make better. To criticize is to tear down.
The Dom reaches for perfection but practices unconditional acceptance for himself as much as for his sub.
The Dom understands that trust is the most important aspect of a relationship and does everything to protect and nurture that.
The Dom always acts in the highest good of both. If a decision must be made between the Dom or the sub, the highest good of the sub is paramount.
The Dom may endeavor to break a habit but never to break a spirit.
The Dom cherishes the sub above all else as the most prized possession.
The Dom takes ultimate control, in a situation that has gotten out of control, to protect a sub.
The Dom provides discipline as outlined initially or updated in the definition of the relationship agreed upon by both.
The Dom provides aftercare - without exception - after intense play or discipline.
The Dom guides his sub in areas, where necessary, with the goal of improving the sub in areas initially agreed upon by both.
The Dom nurtures when a sub needs it.
The Dom is the sub’s safe place, the place the sub calls “home.” It is a place where unconditional acceptance and compassion are guaranteed.
The Dom honors the power of the submission with which they have been entrusted.

The sub

The Protected
The Disciplined
The Guided
The Nurtured
The Safe Place
The sub differentiates between critique and criticism, responding positively to critiques by the Dom.
The sub strives for perfection but practices unconditional acceptance when evaluating her performance.
The sub gives her trust responsibly and earns the Dom’s trust as well, understanding that it is the most important aspect of a relationship.
The sub knows the Dom always acts in the highest good of both. The sub must always communicate her needs in a clear and respectful manner so that the Dom has the important information necessary to maintain His responsibility.
The sub may never endeavor to diminish her quality with self-depreciation.
The sub values herself as a most prized possession, prioritizing her health and well-being.
The sub yields control to her Dom without hesitation in situations that have gotten out of control.
The sub understands discipline as an integral part of the power exchange, designed to assist her in achieving the goals initially outlined in the confines of the relationship.
The sub understands aftercare as a vital part of the play and discipline process and gives herself openly to it.
The sub is charged with using good judgment in self-governance with the goal of improving in areas initially agreed upon by both.
The sub asks for, and accepts, nurturing provided by the Dom. She also maintains a self-care routine mutually agreed upon. This self-care routine may include, but is not limited to manicures, pedicures, meditation, time with friends or exercise.
The sub is the Dom’s safe place, the place the Dom calls “home.” Its a place where unconditional acceptance and compassion are guaranteed.
The sub reverently gives her power of submission. If at any time she feels that her submission is not being treated reverently by her Dom she must seriously consider rescinding it.

The Relationship

A good D/s relationship has all the characteristics of a good vanilla relationship. The relationship must meet the needs of both participants, serving to enhance life and never causing misery.
Once you have found someone with whom you are building a power exchange relationship, communication is the key. Discovering who each other is, how you have become that person, where you have traveled from and where you see yourself going are all things pertinent to building this relationship. Communication should be easy - without concern and without trying to be something you are not. Honesty is paramount. There’s no point in pretending to be someone other than who you are. Eventually the truth will come to light and the relationship will fall apart. It is better to be just who you are from the start. Sharing your dreams, goals and aspirations are as necessary in a power exchange relationship as in any relationship.
Establishing the outline of your relationship will be next. Your relationship will have a higher chance of success if you discuss your needs and wants at the beginning. Going into a relationship with unexpressed expectations is a fatal error. Speak honestly about what you expect from a partner. What gives you pleasure? How do you know you are loved? What are you looking for from a power exchange relationship? What do you picture the relationship will look like? What are your hard and soft limits? Safe words? Then listen openly to their expectations as well. Communication is always a two way street.
Once you spend time getting to know each other and discussing the relationship you can relax into the dynamics of the relationship. See how things flow between you. Reevaluate and assess how things are going. Are your needs being met? Does the energy flow between you seem to be easy and reciprocal? Are you giving as much as you are receiving? Even though this is a D/s relationship, the needs and input of a sub are as important to the success as the Dom’s. If there is disappointment then determine if you can redefine some things. It may even be necessary to end the relationship.
If you decide to continue the relationship, under the same parameters or renegotiated ones, the relationship should proceed to develop smoothly. Periodic reevaluation is crucial to ensure that both parties’ needs are met as the relationship develops. Neither party should remain in a relationship that does not serve their highest good.

Written by PhyrrImp and edited by SapientSexual

The gift of dominance

Kitty and I just had this discussion - we chroniclers of life see things and they tick in our brain, and get our thoughts flowing. And that makes it seem like things run in cycles in blogland. Riley recently wrote a post called Dominance is a Gift, too, too (Thanks, Conina!), which got me thinking. We often hear submission is a gift, and indeed it is. But so is Dominance. I luxuriate in his control.It's not one sided. Both give, both receive. It is reciprocity, I talk about it in Honor, and lil talks about it in her beautiful post on Expressions of Dominance.

In any event, I was having a discussion with a DD friend today. And this exchange occurred:
Friend: Awww. Just as I suspected.Your entire emotional well-being and sense of self derive from him?
Me:  my happiness, not my complete well-being  - my sense of self is confirmed in him, he accepts my whole self
Friend: He is truly your soul then.
Me: he is, I cannot be who I am without his acceptance 
Friend: Did you live before him? Or was it like God breathing life into Adam?
Me: I existed before him. Yes, absolutely, he animated me

So the two events conspired to create this post. Yes, I could not be who I am without his accepting my submission. And perhaps my expression of submission allows him to express his dominance in more complete ways. Either way...he has often thanks me for the gift of my submission, and I do not believe that I have thanked him for his gift of dominance.



So to my well-loved Daddy I say...



I have thanked you for loving me, and I always will, every second of every day, for the rest of our lives and beyond. No one – NO ONE – has ever loved me in the way that you do. No one has ever loved me unconditionally. There have been ‘I love you….but’s ...always a reason I was unworthy of being completely loved. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I trust you with my life. I am just so not used to NOT hearing the but. I keep waiting; it never comes. That astounds me. And it takes a little while to stop waiting, but I’m working on it. 

I have not thanked you for your gift of Dominance, for that sure, safe feeling, for that refuge in your arms that comes from your strength, from the sheer force of your presence. Without that gift, I would not be free to express my submission. I would not be free to be who I am at my very core. I blossom, I feel my leaves unfurl in my heart and burst forth with a vibrancy I never thought I would experience. 



I thrive under your hand and with your love, your guidance, and your discipline. I am filled with your strength, your warmth, your nurturing and your light – my goodness – you are a brilliant soul. I am grateful. I am joyous. I am proud to be called yours. 

Thank you for your gift to me, which allows me to express my true self, and to thrive and grow. Thank you for accepting who I am and what I have to offer. 

For my Daddy, for my love (Poetry)

When the world

is chaffing hard and cold,

I will yield

to your wisdom, will and touch

When you feel

used and objectified

my love and respect

will blanket you

When you are empty

my heart will fill you

from the fountain that

flows within it for you

When you are weary

I will minister to you
hands kneading the ache
from your body,
our bodies transporting us
on the waves of energy
that we create

I will be your
little girl
when you need
to be silly and free

I will be
your woman
when you need
my maturity

I will bend
to your desires and will
without breaking
and give my
strength and flexibility
to fortify us

I love you.

~June~ 3-09-12

How Ward became Daddy

Ward and I had been talking for several months. It was after the deployment I spoke of in the last post. And honestly we were still 'friends' (who talked several hours every day...yeah, yeah, I'm a lil slow) and before we were Ward and June.

We had actually talked about littles. A friend had told me that I had a little, that she saw it. And I immediately rejected that concept. To me that was like a mark of mental illness, I immediately thought DID (dissociative identity disorder). Ward and I talked about it, and he assured me that he didn't see anything alarming in who I was, and did see some childlike qualities. I talked to my therapist about it, and called it my little piece of arrested development. She said she thought it was just a very vulnerable piece of me that I had never trusted anyone with. Well that felt better.

I had talked to Ward about it and he said that seemed a logical conclusion, especially in light of my childhood. So I started researching littles. And It seemed at first that it was all about ageplay and incest play, and that was a big no-no with my childhood. Ward and I talked about that, too. He agreed that he was not interested in ageplay. And it just kind of settled. I still researched, like I do with many things I need to understand. But neither of us considered it a factor in our .... friendship.

One night, we were talking and I had had a particularly stressful day, and he said something very comforting and Ward-like. And I started crying. Ward said, "If I were with you right now, this is where I would take you in my arms, kiss away your tears, calm your heart, tuck you into bed and tell you a fairy tale, especially for you." And even though  he was not there in that exact moment, I felt cradled, and comforted, and I said, without a thought, "Kinda story, Daddy? With princesses and magick?" And he said, "Yes, love, with a very special little princess, and magick and faeries. Hush now and listen."

And he wove me the most wondrous story, off the top of his head, that lulled me, soothed me and gave me the most delicious brain tickles. It wasn't strange, and it wasn't icky, and it felt extraordinarily good. It was organic, and kind of symbolic of our relationship, very amoebic, we stretch to encompass, consume and satisfy the needs of the other.

He says that I awoke a part of him that he thought was gone forever. And with him I can be that which I have never been able to be, small, vulnerable, trusting and unbetrayed and totally genuine.

And now I'm crying.... I love you, Daddy, and I miss you so.

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 30

Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?

For the first time in my life my need to submit is being met beyond my wildest dreams. It is the most fulfilling, uplifting, feminizing feeling to be able to give him my submission and have it received with awe and gratitude. Then I want to give more and he gives more and it is this absolutely gorgeous, growing cycle of symbiosis.

Nothing will come between Ward and myself. We are too committed. Could I be happy without being able to submit? No. I find incredible fulfillment being Daddy's girl. I have honestly never in my life been as happy, as fulfilled, laughed as much or with as much abandon as I do with Daddy.

What makes submission special to me is having my submission accepted, and seen as the gift that it is, by a man of honor, with a strong gift for leadership, gentleness, kindness, compassion, empathy, and vision.

Yielding

I was talking to a friend who is new to the DD lifestyle. And she was talking about difficulties and conditional obedience. And I responded that submission it is not a gate, opening & closing, it is a bending, a yielding, there is gentleness and grace implied. When I said it, I got this amazing image in my head.

Firstly, lets talk about the word,  I've said it before, submission conjures up negative images for lots of people. And help me out here guys, someone recently made a post about "What's wrong with the word submission?" but I can't find it to link it.

For many the word submission and the concept of D/s conjures up images like this. Words have an incredible power. Words are often misunderstood.

I have said before that I have gone beyond submission to Daddy, I have surrendered to him. I kind of like that better. But the word I am growing enamored of is yielding. I yield to Daddy. What amazingly beautiful images that conjures!  We bend without breaking. This shows the inherent strength in submission, in the act of yielding. We retain our integrity and we are stretched and made stronger.

Then I thought that most of us know a passion that is uncommon in this world. We burn for our partners. We need to see them, touch them, feel them. We need to yield to them. The dance is intricate and the rewards are... indescribable. We wrap ourselves around each other. We 'fit' like very few others. Our movements are in concert with our partner. There is an almost exquisite coordination.

Yes, we bend. Yes, we yield. Yes, we may make sacrifices that other women are not willing to make, or cannot even conceive of making. But we do not bend without support. We do not expose our vulnerability without being covered by a love so great that it makes the heart ache. We are supported. We are protected. We are valued. We are cherished. We are made beautiful. We receive a gift of grace. We experience a profound unity.

I would not trade being Ward's June, Daddy's little girl for anything in this world. 

Come home soon, Daddy. I love you big and I miss you profoundly.

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 9

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Well, yes. It's Daddy's job to keep order, to establish rules that move us to where we want to be. I've seen some rules that others have and they are prohibitive (yeah - yeah - no pun intended). They seem kind of frivolous. The rules that Daddy makes are rules that keep destructive influences out of our relationship.

Our rules so far are pretty simple, the basic 4 D's - no disrespect, danger, dishonesty, disobedience. Daddy added: no distance (bad habit & I think I'm being considerate when I do it - go figure), no self-deprecation (I have very poor self-image), no bad language (umm - yeah :">), and that I will engage in self-care (I overlook my own needs in favor of everyone else), no fit-throwing ("It would be beneficial for you, little one, if I did not find out you threw a fit" - when I said I was gunna throw a fit cause the post office lost an important package - ummm, yes, Sir :-> My behavior is a reflection of him).

I like structure. I like being under his authority. I understand the reasons for all the rules, they are not arbitrary, they benefit me as a submissive, us as a couple and our relationship. I'm content with what he has put in place, and grateful that he has given such thoughtful consideration to things that will enrich us and help us to grow.

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 8

Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

Yes, Daddy and I have talked about this, and we're not sure how you can have this kind of relationship without having a correction dynamic. If he is my authority he has to have some way to make corrections. Yes, we're both huge spankos. Yes spanking is still an effective consequence.

Correction is much different than either maintenance/reassurance/stress relief (which have all the nice fuzzies, gentle strokes, words, kisses), and good-girls. I've only been corrected once. It started for me as soon as Daddy expressed displeasure. I was immediately remorseful, because I dislike disappointing him. That put me in the frame to accept correction, to actually need it to feel like the air between us is cleared.

The common thread in all the different kinds of spanking is that it allows me to express and to feel my submission to him. And it allows him to express and to feel his Dominance. It makes me feel safe, secure, loved, and grounded.

The Prince and His Princess (Poetry)

Every little girl

Dreams of her very own

Prince Charming

The one

That will sweep her off her feet

The one

Who will slay all the dragons

The one

Who will keep her safe

The one

Who will bid the sun to rise

Just for her

The one

Who will bring the moon and the stars

On a rope, place them in a bottle

And place them around her neck.

Every young lady

Sees those dreams dissolve

There is no one

Who possesses such a noble spirit

There is no one

Who is as unselfish

There is no one

Who is as strong and courageous

In this ordinary world

Some very lucky women

Receive a gift from the Creator

Some walk out of the heavens

Mine walked out of the sea

My Prince,

The one

Who takes my very breath away

The one

Who holds my beating heart

In his very hands

The one

Who would lay down his life for me

The one

I would die for

My Prince

My valorous one

Slays more dragons than mine

And he has a call

To protect a greater kingdom

Than the one we inhabit

He must leave me

For a time

I wish

Like a fairy tale princess

That I could be cast

Under a spell

That would let me sleep

Until my Prince returned

And with a gentle touch

And a soft kiss

Breathe life

Into my waiting heart, again.

4-11-12

Affirmations

I had a really bad day yesterday. It started off okay. Then I read something that took me back to a very bad place in my life, to the place I talked about in a previous post about abuse. I was full out little, totally regressed to my 6-year-old self. And a really strange thing happened - the thing I read made me afraid of someone - a friend's Daddy, and I didn't know why. I didn't really understand what I was feeling, I just knew I was feeling it.

Then came that magic time of the day, and talking to Daddy. Daddy is seamless, he saw little me, and he went full out Daddy. He asked why I was afraid of my friend's Daddy. I said I didn't know, but what if he didn't like me and then didn't want my friend to be my friend any more, cause I was bad or weird or _____ (fill in the blank). Daddy said, anyone who knows me knows I am a good girl. Any one who knows me knows I am a respectful girl. And that is why I am his girl. Yup....he made it all better.


I talked to another "little" friend this morning and told her some of the lovely things Daddy had said. And I told her I had actually cried over the things that had happened so long ago - I never had cried about them before. And I guess that was because for the first time I felt safe. For the first time I knew someone would catch me when I fell....because surely I would fall. She said she was jealous of the affirmations Daddy gives me. So I asked  if she could tell her Daddy that that was important to her. And she thought that was something she could try to do.

 
Then I thought a few moments, and sent another text. I told her not to forget that Daddies (Tops/Doms/Masters) need affirmations, too. I tell Daddy all the time, how important he is to me, how much I love him, that he is my hero. I tell him how he helps me. I thank him....for everything...he does so much for me. When he knows things are important to me, he goes out of his way to do them. It delights me, I thank him.






I think he is devastatingly handsome. Sometimes I'll see a picture and smile and my heart will flutter. I'll send him a text to tell him, "Dang, Daddy, just caught a glimpse of a picture and got the vapors!" One of my personal fears is not being enough. Sometimes Daddy worries that he can't give me all the things he thinks I need. So I tell him, all I need is him. He is home. Doesn't matter if we're in a cardboard box, a trailer or a nice modest house (don't need a mansion....too much to clean), if he is there it is perfect.

 

All I need is someone to walk in the door and smile and have 'home' show on their face just because I'm there. Or wrap their arms around me while I cook, or do laundry, or garden. I need someone whose voice will be full of delight, simply because they are talking to me. I need someone who will sit on the floor and play a game or watch a movie with me and the boys. I need someone who loves us, just because. He smiled and said then I'll just keep doing that, I'll just keep showing you. And I smiled and said that's all that I need.

We have to remember, no matter what role our partner fulfills, they are human. They need, too. They need to be filled and feel appreciated. They need to know how very important their presence in our lives is. Just because he is a dominant doesn't mean he is bottomless. Lots of times they experience  things in their day that they try to shield us from. They need those soft, sweet words and gentle touches as much as we do. We have to keep the energy flowing, if we don't we stagnate.

So the next time you look at your partner and feel that flutter, or your breath catches in your throat, or your blood rushes, or you sadness or anxiety disappears, the next time he touches you and you bite your lip, and get goosebumps, tell him, and thank him for being there.