Affirmations

I had a really bad day yesterday. It started off okay. Then I read something that took me back to a very bad place in my life, to the place I talked about in a previous post about abuse. I was full out little, totally regressed to my 6-year-old self. And a really strange thing happened - the thing I read made me afraid of someone - a friend's Daddy, and I didn't know why. I didn't really understand what I was feeling, I just knew I was feeling it.

Then came that magic time of the day, and talking to Daddy. Daddy is seamless, he saw little me, and he went full out Daddy. He asked why I was afraid of my friend's Daddy. I said I didn't know, but what if he didn't like me and then didn't want my friend to be my friend any more, cause I was bad or weird or _____ (fill in the blank). Daddy said, anyone who knows me knows I am a good girl. Any one who knows me knows I am a respectful girl. And that is why I am his girl. Yup....he made it all better.


I talked to another "little" friend this morning and told her some of the lovely things Daddy had said. And I told her I had actually cried over the things that had happened so long ago - I never had cried about them before. And I guess that was because for the first time I felt safe. For the first time I knew someone would catch me when I fell....because surely I would fall. She said she was jealous of the affirmations Daddy gives me. So I asked  if she could tell her Daddy that that was important to her. And she thought that was something she could try to do.

 
Then I thought a few moments, and sent another text. I told her not to forget that Daddies (Tops/Doms/Masters) need affirmations, too. I tell Daddy all the time, how important he is to me, how much I love him, that he is my hero. I tell him how he helps me. I thank him....for everything...he does so much for me. When he knows things are important to me, he goes out of his way to do them. It delights me, I thank him.






I think he is devastatingly handsome. Sometimes I'll see a picture and smile and my heart will flutter. I'll send him a text to tell him, "Dang, Daddy, just caught a glimpse of a picture and got the vapors!" One of my personal fears is not being enough. Sometimes Daddy worries that he can't give me all the things he thinks I need. So I tell him, all I need is him. He is home. Doesn't matter if we're in a cardboard box, a trailer or a nice modest house (don't need a mansion....too much to clean), if he is there it is perfect.

 

All I need is someone to walk in the door and smile and have 'home' show on their face just because I'm there. Or wrap their arms around me while I cook, or do laundry, or garden. I need someone whose voice will be full of delight, simply because they are talking to me. I need someone who will sit on the floor and play a game or watch a movie with me and the boys. I need someone who loves us, just because. He smiled and said then I'll just keep doing that, I'll just keep showing you. And I smiled and said that's all that I need.

We have to remember, no matter what role our partner fulfills, they are human. They need, too. They need to be filled and feel appreciated. They need to know how very important their presence in our lives is. Just because he is a dominant doesn't mean he is bottomless. Lots of times they experience  things in their day that they try to shield us from. They need those soft, sweet words and gentle touches as much as we do. We have to keep the energy flowing, if we don't we stagnate.

So the next time you look at your partner and feel that flutter, or your breath catches in your throat, or your blood rushes, or you sadness or anxiety disappears, the next time he touches you and you bite your lip, and get goosebumps, tell him, and thank him for being there.