DD/TTWD, Spanking, and Self-Discovery

                                                        

                                                                    

DD/TTWD is truly an amazing, vibrant lifestyle. We get the benefit of learning and being even more mindful of our partner's ideas, thoughts, dreams and desires. Even though June and I came into our relationship "as is", we have also discovered much about each other. When we were at the "feeling out" stage of our relationship,  there was certainly some trepidation about some of the things that we both felt and enjoyed. We have routinely  been delighted to find out that our communication has  led to us  being completely and utterly on the same page. June and I have come to realize that we probably belong to a sub-category of DD/TTWDers that may in fact be all our own.  We have alluded to, suggested, and even plainly stated that we are in fact spanking enthusiasts as well as a practicing DD/TTWD couple.

                                                                  

 I guess to some that might seem like an oxymoron, but June and I couldn't imagine life any other way. We also know that there are quite a few professed "spank-nos" out there.  I would also go a bit further and dare ask a question.... What if the line were blurred? What would happen if spanking wasn't used strictly for correction? What would happen if you discovered a wonderful tool that led to you talking more, touching more, kissing more, and making love deeper and stronger?  I'm sure you're all saying that it's easy for me to say and that my own backside isn't on the line, but truth is that far beyond correction or even discipline, there is something about spanking that calls to our shared sense of intimacy. It's more than just sexy, it's more than just something we do, it's who we are and what we share with nobody else. It brings us clarity, focus and speaks deep of the devotion that we hone daily.

                                                                                                 

                                           

 It doesn't necessarily have to be spanking.  We realize  that everyone is different, unique, special. That is in fact part of the magic of relationships. Romance, dedication and communication can unveil more than what simply passes a passionate fancy... No, sometimes intimate, connective time unveils a deeper side of our relationship. The kind we guard, the kind we have a thirst for... Those defining intimate moments that you savor while you are at work and pop into your head while you are doing a load of laundry. Even now typing this I am reminded of the thirst I have for June's love, affection, touch and sweet, soft kindness.  Every day in every way this energy, this intimacy defines a relationship.  June and I just happen to think that spanking in it's many sumptuous forms happens to be a perfect vehicle for this.

                                                              

Self-discovery begins with but a few words, communication is the key. Do you have a unrequited passion that you long to share with your partner? Tell them, show them how you feel, and that it's more than that tingly feeling  or something that curls your toes.  Trepidation much?  Sometimes the only way to gain new ground is to take the first step and give voice to our thoughts, dreams, and yes, desires.  Likewise, take the time to give ear to the voice of your partner... Work together to find that special place that belongs to you as a couple and you as a couple alone.  Find that spark, let if blossom into the beautiful flames of deep intimacy. 

                                                  

 Knowing these things, DD/TTWD has actually improved in every aspect for us.  That connection we speak of, that intimacy drives us to be our best. June is the best woman that I've ever had the pleasure to know, and she puts everything into being loving wife, mother, and best friend.  DD/TTWD also makes me want to be a better man, to be a good father and to bring love and light to our family. Who would have thought a teensy, tiny little spanking would do all that?!





                               

Her POV:

I was raised in a culture of guilt. I accept the blame for everything, and I mean everything. I stress from life in general, I didn't do well enough, I didn't give enough, I shouldn't have been annoyed at the children, the laundry wasn't done, I didn't finish an assignment, dinner was delayed or something happened along the way and a step took longer than it should have. I am my own worst critic.

I take things to heart. Sometimes I am overly sensitive. Things are said that are innocuous, but I get upset. Or just the trials of life, things beyond  our control, I fret, and knowing how much is on his plate, hold them in, effectively building walls. I rely on him to help me. Spankings break down those walls and keep us stripped and open, close and communicating.

At other times there is nothing as intimate as laying yourself bare across his lap, open for his touch, in all the ways he chooses to touch you. It is a wonderful, warm, soft, surrendered, vulnerable, cared for, loved, protected feeling. It, too, is stripped away intimacy.

Spanking for us is the tool, the vehicle that we use to drive our relationship. I look to him to support me as I support him, to elevate me as I elevate him, to hold me accountable, to change my 'stinkin' thinkin', to correct me when I stray from our truth, to help me be open, soft, feminine and vulnerable. For us, these things often start with me across his lap, with his leadership and my trust,with my vulnerability and his acceptance, and with the gift to each other of authenticity, of his Dominance and my submission.

Male/HoH Communication

                                                                          

                                                    

Generally in my post I try to address both people in a  DD/TTWD relationship, but I've done some thinking about things and well... not this time.  I think I would like to address the ladies out there in blog land.  So ladies if you will take a moment to stop and listen I think we can all (guys reading along anyway included!) come to a better place.

                                                

Have you ever thought about the way your guy communicates with you?  Have you ever wondered why it's hard to get your fella to talk about certain things?  Well I'd like to say to all of you out there that honestly sometimes communication  for us exists on different levels than for the ladies. While this may seem obvious, it is worth investigating and understanding the values that we place on the way we communicate. I guess I'm not so different than many other men in that, I am pretty literal most of the time... now don't get me wrong I'd love to think I have a sense of humor and that I don't take things too seriously... but way, way, way more often than  not I tend to say what I mean.  Even down to the time of day, the color of the shirt that I will be wearing, the minute I will leave and return ... I am a literal kind of guy.                  

I have had to work hard with June to get better about it, but I also interpret what she says very literally and expect her to mean what she says. Time has taught me that not everything can be solved with logic and I can't always expect her to have my own particular point of view.   June has also had to realize these things about me and adjust her own methods of communication. June and I have worked long and hard to improve our communicative processes and it's a labor of love that will be continuous and rewarding.

One of the things that can get in the way of healthy communication regardless of our expectations and desires is assumption... Assumption can be a sticky thing indeed if we do not understand the way our partners think, react and respond to various forms of communication.  Have you ever talked about something in advance only to be confounded when your guy forgot or didn't  take an action? Well in your consternation, I would implore you to get down on a guys' level and understand the way he thinks and how he thinks... contrary to what you may believe, he isn't taking what you discussed for granted, undervaluing your feelings, or saying that your ideas, thoughts and words are unimportant... he may just need to be reminded of what you need, want or desire... communication on a continual basis is always important and yes, this can be achieved without nagging, without feelings getting hurt or without unnecessary silences that breaks the chain of  communication.

                                                                                                                      

Now along with communication and the need for it's continuous flow, lets talk about logic vs emotion.  To many guys, the most obvious course through something difficult is the logical one.  This isn't to say that emotions don't come into play... they do, but more often than not,  men have a tendency to see logic as the quickest, and surest way to a solution. Emotional things can be difficult for guys and I'm sure that many of you fine ladies in blog land can attest to this... I myself am no exception and can be quoted many times and many instances of telling June that something "wasn't logical"  In summation I would have you all use this information to better the communication processes between you and your partner.  Men are a lot of things, ladies, but we are not psychic. Communication openness and a willingness to freely discuss things will help us grow!

                                                

HER  POV:   Schnoots to logic, Daddy. I am an emotional creature. I will always be an emotional creature. But I acknowledge that he is the big picture man. Most of the men in our relationships are. They see past this split second in time to the varied repercussions of various courses of actions, how they will affect not only themselves, not only us, but also our families as a whole. You have to admit ladies, sometimes we get caught up in the feelings of the moment, and can't see as far as the effects . Yeah, that's their job. It's why we function better as balanced partners than as equal partners.

Sometimes they WILL forget. Understand that guys understand what we tell them,  but they are, as logical creatures, creatures that need to be primed for action. You don't get a computer program to function if you do not initiate the program. For our guys that is not - I feel sad; I feel widgey; I feel nervous. For our guys - initiate sequence looks more like this - I need you to __________. (hug me; cuddle me; spank me; reassure me, etc.).

If you tell him what you need, you are communicating. and remember back to the last post, when you do not you are not communicating clearly. When you try to push him in the direction of satisfying your needs with non-verbal communication which may accelerate into poor behavior i e, topping from the bottom.

It is not nagging to remind him, "Do you remember I shared with you that I need to feel your Dominance when.....? Well I need your help now, please?" Sometimes, ladies, we are too willing to blame the lack of effective communication on our partners, but I can tell you from experience, I bear at least as much responsibility as does Ward for the times it takes us longer to find resolution.

The Gift of Time

                                                     

 There are 24 hours in a day. Just 24, no more, no less. Often it feels like there isn't enough of it to go around.  But, I would ask, Is there any gift more precious? The gift of one's time, passion, and energy are among the most precious gifts that we can give.  I think that's one of the things missing from many "modern" couples.  Sure we all have work to consider and then there is our own individual interest and stress to relieve. But there is one thing that I try to remain vigilant about.... that's love.  It's pretty easy to say that one loves another, but then again it's quite another thing to show it. Do I still go out with the guys after work and catch part of the game and take in a brew? Sure, but I also realize the value in giving people rain-checks and giving my family the time and attention that they require to grow.

                                                   

 It can be pretty easy to fall into a rut at times, or dare I say it... take each other for granted, but giving each other the time and attention that couples need.  Sometimes our domestic responsibilities and our schedules get hectic. Having two active school age children is a challenge at the best of times, but when you account for winter weather, the morning pokieness of our oldest, work, vehicles, people being under the weather, breakfast, lunch, bills, work  hmmm I'm sure I left some things out, but it's easy to see how even the most dedicated and vigilant could be overwhelmed and out of sorts at the end of a long, busy day.

                                                 

   

Sometimes the only real solution is to make time. No, I'm not a wizard and I realize that not everything is as simple as all that, but sometimes making the time to do even something just small can have HUMONGOUS benefits.  That's where it falls on us guys.  As an HoH I feel that it is my duty to assess the situation in the home, monitor stress and fatigue levels and when necessary to make time for my children or my woman when it is clear that they  need me to do so. My suggestions?  Kick her out of the kitchen and finish dinner, Take the kids out for a while so she can have a few hours to herself. Take the laundry basket from her and tell her to put her feet up and relax. 

                                                                                         

Sometimes making time means saying no to friends, canceling plans and knowing that sometimes  the best thing to do is to do nothing... No, no, I'm not sure you understand, nothing.  Sometimes nothing is disastrous, sometimes a weekend  of relaxation, and snuggling on the couch can be more productive than traveling too and from, running around like chickens without heads, and generally adding stress to the two days of the week where stress just don't have  a place.

                                                                    

Sadly, I can't just add 5 more hours or tack on two more days to the week, but what I can do is be attentive to my lady and her needs, spend time with my children and use what time we do have to bolster and nourish our ever-tightening bonds and feed the spirits and minds of the ones I hold dear.  I would encourage you all to find a way, or make a way to give each other and your families the attention that they require, need, deserve, and thrive from.  Who knows what you will discover?  Who knows what priceless moments are just waiting to be had?   Let each discovery you make bolster your efforts to be the best you can for each other.... Time's a wastin'

                                                               

Her POV: 

 There IS no greater gift we can give to each other. We all understand that principle with regard to our children. Better to give them your time, to show them they are worthy and valuable, than to buy all the latest gadgets. Why then would we give less to our families and to our partners? As our time nourishes our children, increases intimacy, increases trust and communication, so it does when we devote time to each other and to our relationships. When we give the gift of time, we also give the gift of understanding, we give refreshment to the soul, we relieve and wash away stress and strip away the world and all the things that do not belong and give shelter, safe harbor to our loved ones and let them be their best and most authentic selves.

Dirty Laundry

                                                   

 Sometimes we don't agree. Sometimes there is friction.  It would be easy to let the heat of the moment get to us and wind up saying a bunch of things that we would regret.  It is worth understanding that sometimes, it is far better to brake from heated conversation to let tongues and heads cool. If it's one thing that I've learned from being in the spanking lifestyle, the TTWD/DD lifestyle, the D/S lifestyle, whatever version you can think of or use,  losing one's cool during a stressful or difficult situation does not help things a bit and in fact only further adds to the difficulty of the conversation and adds an unsavory amount of negative emotion that then has to be dealt with.

                                                                                                       

                             

               

                                                        

 I have observed other couples who don't seem to care where they are or who their disagreement is heard or seen by. Indeed it seems like in some instances that they would have people choose or pick a side or pat their heads and offer them a lollipop in placation of who was or was not  "right"  Disagreeing with the one you love is never an easy thing, it disrupts the harmony that we long to build. It robs us of a truly independent view and expression of our feelings. Sometimes being honest means being humble and honest about what we truly desire. Sometimes we must truly realize that we must put pride aside and act in interest of our relationship.  Not our interests, not their interests, but the truest and best interest of our relationship - even when it's hard - even when we don't agree. I think there is something to be said for truly respecting our partner, even when we see them at their worst. Sometimes respect means understanding the source and cause of the friction that lies between you and keeping it just there... between you.

                                                 

My grandmother called it "airing dirty laundry" or a "lover's tiff" - whatever it is called it is wrong. Trying to make our partner look like "The Bad Guy" or trying to gain enablers and sympathy from outside parties is clearly the wrong thing to do at any point of a healthy relationship. If we are to grow and become strong we cannot balk at the challenge of productive debate. Sometimes tough decisions have to be made and in so doing we put our relationship in a better place.  Decisions aren't always easy and the HoH has to be able to live with any and all consequences that his decision(s)  create or solve. Naturally this isn't always easy. It's also hard to experience  the domestic harmony that we strive for when disagreements, hard feelings, and miscommunication mar the beauty of our love.


                                                       
                                  
We would encourage you to find a healthy way to express yourself in disagreement. What's easy isn't always what is right and what is needed may be something even different still! HoH's must remember that disagreements are going to happen and are a chance to become stronger through the inclusion of data and ideas. HoH's must also remember that disagreement and rebellion are two different things and that his TiH can still offer her support even when it isn't easy. TiH's should remember and recognize that her man is and must do his very best to make the right decisions and put the relationship on the truest, surest course.

Don't air your dirty laundry folks, take each other's hand and head to the laundry room with communication, love and understanding!



                                                              
                                                                     

Her POV:

One thing that I find hurtful is when people denigrate their partners and seem to find such joy in doing so. Remember the couple we talked about a while back in Walmart? *shudders* They were both lashing out so hurtfully at each other, and it gave a sad and painful picture of what their home must be like.

And again, all roads lead to communication. Why could they not have worked this out at home? Why did they strike out at each other with the deliberate aim to hurt each other? I think it's important here to point out that Daddy used the word disagreement, and that doesn't have to mean a knock down drag out, nor does it mean a lack of respect on either side.

When we value each other, when we respect each other, we don't have to hold the same views. It is possible to say - I respectfully disagree. It is possible to say - I think that's one area we will have to agree to disagree. Our love and mutual respect for each other allows us to accept that we differ, it does not compel him to force me to see his way, it doe snot compel me to withhold affection until he agrees. We gift each other with acceptance of our unique points of view.  We strengthen each other, and our relationship. And we present the harmony we create in our homes to the outside world.

Open Love Letter to June...

Dearest June,


        I wanted to say how proud I am of you, sometimes I don't think I tell you that or a million other things quite enough. Your beauty and grace shine like a thousand diamonds burnished in the brilliant sunlight of our love. You reminded me of what it means to live for someone else, to live for a greater purpose and to reach beyond my own selfish desires. You are my joy and comfort in the midst of the chaos that life brings. You have given me your love, your faith and your submission, and somehow I can only hope that I can be half the man that you need and deserve.
  
       You've challenged me to be better, you've given me the bounce in my step and the song in my heart and when I hear the sound of your voice, my heart beats just a little bit faster... Your mind is bright and as sharp as a tack, our conversations flow as sweet and natural as an icy stream in mountain country.  Never before have I found it so easy to talk, to share, to surrender my feelings as readily and willingly as I can to you, no burden too great, no secrets just real talk, real communication as natural and organic as the peanut butter on our shelf.

     You are so beautiful and  shapely that it's a rare day when I can stop touching you... sometimes you are insecure and you say you don't say it, but I look in your eyes and I don't doubt that God in heaven made you just for me. I delight in your body and would have you share in that delight to make beautiful music and come that place that is just for us.

  I love you my sweetest June and everyday I love you even more....



~Ward

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 30

Is your need to submit being met? If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again? What makes submission special to you?

For the first time in my life my need to submit is being met beyond my wildest dreams. It is the most fulfilling, uplifting, feminizing feeling to be able to give him my submission and have it received with awe and gratitude. Then I want to give more and he gives more and it is this absolutely gorgeous, growing cycle of symbiosis.

Nothing will come between Ward and myself. We are too committed. Could I be happy without being able to submit? No. I find incredible fulfillment being Daddy's girl. I have honestly never in my life been as happy, as fulfilled, laughed as much or with as much abandon as I do with Daddy.

What makes submission special to me is having my submission accepted, and seen as the gift that it is, by a man of honor, with a strong gift for leadership, gentleness, kindness, compassion, empathy, and vision.

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 29

Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Humiliation has no part in my submission. I spent the major part of my life being humiliated. Again, my disclaimer - I acknowledge that some people are served by humiliation. I do not condemn those who are. Humiliation in no way shape of form serves me, and thankfully not Ward either.

I came to Ward broken. Thank the creator that he saw something of value in my tattered heart. Ward lifts me up. He exhibits positive leadership. There is never a 'that will never do' tone, there is always a 'I know that you can do better' tone. He makes me want to be the absolute best person in the entire world. He makes me want to make him proud. I want him to see me with him, and out in the world representing his leadership and glow with pride. I want the people who know Ward to see me and think, 'Ward has a good woman' and have him be able to be lifted by that. I enjoy elevating him in the eyes of others. He is an exceptional man.

Spankings, yes are an integral part of my submission. I've said may times, we use them for many different things. They are a way for me to both express and feel my submission in a very immediate, tangible way. They can melt away the stress of the day. They can left me feel small and safe. They can calm and soothe in a way that nothing else does. I like the little jump of butterflies when you know that you are going to get a spanking. I want that feeling that comes with laying myself across his lap. And I love even better being pulled into his arms after.

Yielding

I was talking to a friend who is new to the DD lifestyle. And she was talking about difficulties and conditional obedience. And I responded that submission it is not a gate, opening & closing, it is a bending, a yielding, there is gentleness and grace implied. When I said it, I got this amazing image in my head.

Firstly, lets talk about the word,  I've said it before, submission conjures up negative images for lots of people. And help me out here guys, someone recently made a post about "What's wrong with the word submission?" but I can't find it to link it.

For many the word submission and the concept of D/s conjures up images like this. Words have an incredible power. Words are often misunderstood.

I have said before that I have gone beyond submission to Daddy, I have surrendered to him. I kind of like that better. But the word I am growing enamored of is yielding. I yield to Daddy. What amazingly beautiful images that conjures!  We bend without breaking. This shows the inherent strength in submission, in the act of yielding. We retain our integrity and we are stretched and made stronger.

Then I thought that most of us know a passion that is uncommon in this world. We burn for our partners. We need to see them, touch them, feel them. We need to yield to them. The dance is intricate and the rewards are... indescribable. We wrap ourselves around each other. We 'fit' like very few others. Our movements are in concert with our partner. There is an almost exquisite coordination.

Yes, we bend. Yes, we yield. Yes, we may make sacrifices that other women are not willing to make, or cannot even conceive of making. But we do not bend without support. We do not expose our vulnerability without being covered by a love so great that it makes the heart ache. We are supported. We are protected. We are valued. We are cherished. We are made beautiful. We receive a gift of grace. We experience a profound unity.

I would not trade being Ward's June, Daddy's little girl for anything in this world. 

Come home soon, Daddy. I love you big and I miss you profoundly.