I don't have to worry about the same things that Ward does. I don't have to do the things he does. I don't have to be well-versed and strong at all the things that are needed to run our family. I have him, he is my partner. He has his strengths and I have mine. I can lean on him for those things that I cannot easily accomplish, the things that frustrate me. All I have to do is open my hands and offer it to him.
If I try to hold on too tightly, I will begin to spin out of frustration. I will become short with the children and feel pressured by his requests. I will become overloaded. I will rob us of an opportunity to be closer because I am floundering with a task that is better suited to his talents.
If, instead, I support him in other areas as he performs those things which challenge me, with things that come easier, and support him, support us as a couple, and our family, I am completing him, and we are both happier. We work as a unit, a well-oiled machine and things get accomplished, mountains are moved, we are stronger and we have time then to really connect heart-to-heart.
I am his equal in my value within our relationship, but I am not his equal, nor is he mine. I would like to suggest that 'equality' is a misunderstood concept. If we examine the definition, which says that equality is the symmetry of behavior in an interaction of a physical entity (as a subatomic particle) with that of its mirror image. And we look further to symmetry to find that it is a sense of harmonious and beautiful proportion and balance..... ahhhhhh.....balance - to bring into harmony.
When we complete each other, we come into balance, leaning on and supporting each other, becoming something greater and even more beautiful than we could ever be alone.
HIS POV: Teamwork is such a hugely important part of our lives. June and I have learned that balancing our strengths and bolstering each other where we need it is the very best way for us to proceed. I am her equal in our relationship in that my contributions matter just as much as hers do, I am not her equal in certain skills, and projects and nor is she mine. However, knowing each other this deeply, this intimately, it allows us to tap into our deepest most supportive selves and solve any problems with aplomb. True strength is not taking on the whole load by oneself, or feeling like equality is everything... true strength is balance, symmetry, and the light that they bring.
Whew... you have gone from preaching to meddling. :) This is something I really struggle with, cause I'm just sure I can do it all, and if it's not done on my time frame then I feel the pressure. I am learning that in order for him to lead I have to turn it loose. Your words struck my heart about balance. He would no more presume to enter my kitchen for any other reason than to eat. I need to stay out of his areas of expertise...
ReplyDeleteLOL, Daddy calls me his little pot-stirrer, Dana. I think that this is something I struggled with before Ward. It's less of a struggle with him. But I guess I do think about it quite a lot, especially when people would be so willing to tell us that we are wrong to want to submit to our men, and for me it is blessed relief to be able to give that.
DeleteThe balance, it is something I have always yearned for, and I revel in it. It was just strange to hear a mainstream reference to it.
(((hugs)))
Hi Dana,
DeleteThere where definitely moments where it wasn't easy for June, but I know that she puts an honest effort into it at all times. She has learned and is learning that It's okay for me to step in and do what she needs me to do for our family. It is a joy to give her that freedom, the ability to let go. I love helping her with that!
Lovely post. I think also part of maturity is realizing that someone else can't complete us...not wholly. We will always have some needs unmet and always have some "oh if only" pie-in-the-sky wishes. But "completeness" the way you describe here means finding a harmony that works together. When it happens, no matter how many glitches we might have in real life, it is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much, Ana. Yes I agree, we have to be complete unto ourselves. The phrase just struck me because a lot of the problems in relationships do seem to come from needing to be the biggest and the best, and ignoring our talents and what we honestly enjoy. The completeness we speak of here, is more the completing of the partnership than completing of the individual. It is the idea of balance, very much that idea of coming into harmony. How lovely!
Delete(((hugs)))
Thank you Ana,
DeleteThere definitely has to be some self-exploration and completion on both sides. Combining the best of ourselves along with learning to count our blessings have given us an open, honest appreciation of the talents that we combine every day to better balance our marriage.
Hey Ward and June...another wonderful, wise and loving post! You 'defined' equality so beautifully.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I would add is that each partner needs to understand themselves and be able to honestly admit their strengths and their weaknesses in order to be able to work toward that lovely equality. You two have definitely done that!
Hugs and Blessings,
Cat
Awww, thanks so much, Cat. And boy it's nice to have you back!
DeleteYes, again, it comes back to that magic word, communication. Understanding ourselfves, and the needs of the relationship and being able to communicate honestly with our partner on the best way to bring us into balance and harmony.
(((hugs)))
Hello Cat!
DeleteAgain communication early and often is a key to better understanding each others contributions and strengths and how to make the work best for the relationship!
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteBeautifully said. If only I remembered to not hold to tightly. Imagine a firecracker that is burning right next to the quick and your really way to close. Thats me 95 percent of the time. You know the thing I think I like the most about your writing is that it is always so calm. Such peace in your words. Im very grateful for that. I was reading your post last night in bed with hubby, and I said sometimes I wish I was a calmer person. He laughed and said that he fell in love with a wild women and he wouldn't have it any other way. He said that he sees a beautiful world in my eyes and smile. After that comment how could a women be calm. Hugs and Thank you
ReplyDeleteLOL, you made me smile, Annie. I am a generally calm person, but just ask my Daddy I have my own firecracker moments, lol. Thank goodness I have him to contain the flames ;-)
DeleteIt is quite lovely to be loved that way!
(((hugs)))
Hello Annie!
DeleteThank you so much for reading and commenting. As June said, your comment made me smile. We weave our post carefully and with just a hint of calm so as to provide a bit of relaxation even when we talk about turbulent subjects.
True words. Teamwork always works best in any situation. Strengths and weakness' blend together to create just the perfect unit.
ReplyDeleteThanks, sunnygirl :) That's it! Making the strongest unit, the strongest partnership that you possibly can.
Delete(((hugs)))
That's the idea Sunnygirl! We try to improve and work on our strengths and weaknesses so that we can be the best us we can possibly be!
DeleteHarmony. That is such a great truth regarding any relationship. That yin and yang. The give and take that creates that fine balance. I love how you get right to the truth of the matter.
ReplyDeleteBalance and yin/yang is something that I was aware of, Minelle, but that took on a whole new meaning within our DD relationship. And the images are lovely, an ebb and flow, an outflow and a receding, filling in where there is a need. It is exquisite!
Delete(((hugs)))
Hi Minelle!
DeleteWe try our best to get right to the heart of the things! Balance becomes our relationship and it defines not only who we are as a couple but as individiuals as well!
Aw, my husband just gave me a teamwork pep talk last night. thanks for this explanation.
ReplyDeleteThey have a way of doing that Renee Rose :) I'm glad you found something to take away.
Delete(((hugs)))
I give June "Pep Talks" sometimes too. We are glad that this post spoke to you!
DeleteHi June and Ward, :)
ReplyDeleteOh I love those shows as well!! Add "My Three Sons" to the list. Thus the Katie and Rob! :). I could watch them again and again. Sweet and simpler times! Lots of dialogue to make one smile as well!
Your post is wonderful and it sounds like you both have this figured out and working on a daily basis. Harmony is a great thing! Thank you for sharing the definition of equality as well. That was interesting to think about.
Rob and I have discovered how much more peaceful life can be when we work together instead of against each other. In many ways much of the change had to come from me- to learn to give stuff to him, lean on him and not set out to prove that I can Do it all. This was especially true in regards to things concerning the kids. With practice, in many ways it became second nature now, to do just as you say here. We don't always get it right, but when we do it is a great thing! Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I always enjoy reading here. Hugs to you both,
<3 Katie
Oh, I love that one, too, Katie! I should have known, but it never occurred to me. I think I was born too late.
DeleteThanks very much. Sometimes I think we think we 're working towards balance and harmony, but we don't realize that subconsciously we're competing with our partner. Sometimes it just takes stepping back and asking, "how can I help?" to find the way to balance.
(((hugs))) to you and Rob.
Hello Katie!
Delete"My Three Sons" is definitely a good one too! I was wondering about your name!
We try to work towards harmony but again sometimes we have to take a step back and realize that we share a common goal and that there is no reason to sabotage each others efforts in communicating and unifying each others efforts.
Lovely post.
ReplyDeleteIts so important to both be on the same side..because at the end of the day one would hope your wanting the same thing, sometimes its about making compromise....Dominants as well as the submissive and respecting each others strengths and supporting them through their weaknessess.
x
Thanks very much, tori, and so very true. There has to be that baseline of respect or none of it works. Add self-awareness, communication and mix well :)
Delete(((hugs)))
Hello tori!
DeleteVery very true. It's all about working together, never apart. Communication, self-awareness, and honest effort every day are beyond important!