Words

 

I've been thinking a lot about how I communicate with Ward to express my submission. Certainly by action, certainly by obedience, by anticipating his needs and the needs of our family, and in how I represent myself, him and our family to others. And clearly, by the most common method - words.Sometimes Ward and I will be talking and I say something that will make me stop and shudder a little, and I'll say..."Oh my, that wasn't very submissive was it? I'm sorry, let's try that like this..." He always chuckles and says, "It's alright, little one, that was just fine." 






There are words that seem less submissive to me and taste metallic and dissonant in my mouth. Daddy asked me to do something and I said 'Okay, Daddy' and I cringed. It was less like I was receiving his direction than I was accepting or deeming it within my realm of responsibility. I thought that perhaps I would try to say instead, simply, "Yes, Daddy." That felt better to me. I know it seems a small thing, but it felt rather large and glaring to me. I asked him which he preferred, and he said either was fine, but "Yes, Daddy" was just a little sweeter.







What other expressions, I wondered, could better reflect my submission. I started paying attention to the things I was saying. Like - 'remind me to tell you something when you get home.' Yikes. That's kinda ...well not submissive. How about - 'remind me to share something with you.' I like that much better.

'I want...' slaps forehead. 'I would like...', better...'I wish to...', hmm, that's nice, too.







Then during a more intimate moment, when he was describing something he wished to do to me - so deliriously delicious - as much in the telling as in the doing. "You can - I'm yours" HOLY COW! Sighs - this stuff takes a lot of work - chin/palm. "I'm yours to do with as you please." Hmmm, that's sexy...



We change and grow and evolve every day, and I continue to seek ways that speak to him with soft strength of how deep is my trust, how profound is my love, how completely and utterly I am owned by him.






HIS POV:  
June's constant commitment to improving our communicative process is a beautiful thing.  I tell her she's her own biggest critic and that sometimes she thinks to much, but truth is I find her dedication to us very touching and a big part of our success as a couple.  I am a very blessed man to have her!

For Anonymous- Redux

We are mature enough to realize that not everyone will agree with our view for our relationship. We accept other people and their ideology, and respect their right to differ and to have their own truths.  We are open to respectful discourse on the subjects we post here. We leave our blog open to anonymous comments because many newcomers to this community do not have blogs yet, or do not wish to have blogs, but wish to converse with other members of the community to share support. We will not disable comments from anonymous posters for this reason. They generally have the courage to identify themselves with a signature.

Anonymous, you have chosen to come and not simply share your views or concerns, but to try to convert, to push your agenda, to call my man an abuser, and to call me a sick, weak, mentally deficient woman (the view with which you attempted to blanket the whole of this community). If you come here to learn a different point of view, not that you have to embrace it, but just that you wish to understand it, you are welcome. If you continue to leave the kind of comments you left and continue to leave on the Unfair Spankings post, your comments will be removed (the last two comments were in fact removed, not by 'the MAN', but by myself.). And again, I have to wonder if you find this lifestyle so repugnant, why have you come (it surely was not accidental), and why do you stay? Believe me when I tell you that none of the women here need to be 'saved'. I am happier in my life with Ward than in all my cumulative years on earth, and no, that is not the effects of Stockholm Syndrome.

We are open to all manner of discussion here, and we welcome respectfully dissenting views. If you can respect those rules, we are happy to welcome you. If you cannot, well the ladies in this community are aware of what you need, and your commentary will not be entertained. I acknowledge that you have no desire to learn or understand, but in the spirit of the kind of woman I choose to be, one of the women of this great, warm community, I offer you the opportunity to educate yourself. Clint has an excellent discussion on Spanking vs. Abuse: Clearing Up Misconceptions, and Old Fashioned Marriage has an outstanding post on what our submission brings to our marriages, Surrendering Your Bunch of Keys. Additionally our Favorite Posts From Other Blogs page has many exemplary posts that illustrate the richness of our lives.

If you choose to accept the conditions for participation here, welcome. If you choose not to, we wish you well, but do not return.

HIS POV: 
I think June has already done a terrific job of accurately assessing this situation. I have thought long and hard about what I wanted to say here, and I will admit at first I was very angry, but now, now I'd just like to say that I feel sorry for you Anonymous.  It's very clear that you came here spewing hate and judgement all over something that you don't and cannot understand.

June is the apple of my eye and I'm sure every HoH will tell you the same about his woman. I'm also inclined to inform you that when you attack her you'd better be ready  to be held accountable.  My June and her honor are two things that I will staunchly defend against ignorant, hateful bigots like you. 

I must also say that this is a place designed, and built upon the ideas of unconditional love first, and true devotion and eternal companionship. So before you go spouting off about things you know nothing about, first and foremost understand that by attacking us, you've also insulted our brothers and sisters and that dog won't hunt. 

I wish you well Anonymous, hope you are leading a blessed life and that you are loved and well.  It is my fondest wish for you to understand that you can't make me angry anymore, you'll only find pity here and your venomous words will only be deleted.  Live well, and be blessed, but be assured you have no voice here.  Oh and once again have a nice day. 

To our readers, I apologize if I come off a bit brusque, but I won't let ignorance flourish here.  We promise the next post will be of a bit more even tone!

Seeking Perfection

I have a friend (do you, June, do you really? - yes I really do) - a DD friend. She says sometimes that she feels inferior. I tell her that she shouldn't everyone has their own path, that Ward and I started our relationship this way, not like her and her Daddy who changed after 14 years of marriage, and that I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I am just blessed with a strong Daddy, who is capable of handling my imperfections, and loving me still more and deeper when we come out on the other side. So, I thought I should share a tale that shows just how very human I am.

Daddy and I had a rough weekend.I've only been corrected twice in our time together. I was corrected twice this weekend. The first time for distancing....*head shaking* oh, June, not again...yes, again - sigh - it's a process....yes it is my greatest struggle. And because this is not the first time, Ward wanted to make a point, and he did...strenuously.






Yesterday, Daddy said something that struck that both feet down, brakes in the dirt kind of reaction.So thinking back to the Saturday, I thought, okay, no hesitation, immediate response, and I bypassed my filters, crossed my arms, put my nose in the air and said 'Fine!' (I see you all cringing...I did too, but I was going for broke here...it was a test of the Unfiltered Broadcast System which apparently is in no way connected to any system of survival...you see where this is going right?) Daddy said, "When a lady says fine it is most certainly anything but."






Just a little background. Because of my background, I have a fear that one day he will wake up and see 'the real me' the one that seems so easy to walk away from, that there is something inside of me that surfaces at some point, less than the sum of who I am. So, snarky June (yes, June can be snarky - sighs ashamedly) said, "Well, you may as well see the real me." And Daddy replied, "Perhaps I should see the real you, but be prepared for a real reaction." I was, I knew what would happen, I certainly didn't expect him to back down from disrespect because of hurt feelings or anything. Believe it or not, I knew exactly what I was doing (just maybe not why in that moment) and I knew exactly what he would do. He did not disappoint.


Many spanks, many implements, and some baby oil later, a very emotionally rung out little girl lay in her Daddy's arms. I apologized for my disrespect, I told him that I expected no less than what had happened, and that it wasn't the real me...but it was the unfiltered me. I am not always immediately the sweet, sunny June. It takes work. I have to suppress all kinds of....unworthy emotions sometimes. I explained that I may sometimes hesitate, or pull back just a little, but it's not trying to shut him out, it's me trying to process, running a gut check, and running knee jerk responses through my filters trying to be his good girl.

Daddy said he understood that and he owed me an apology for spanking me the day before. I said he didn't, I needed it anyway. He said he did owe me an apology, while I did need it, it was not for the reason it was given. I don't think it was unjust, and I don't think it was unfair. I broke one of our fundamental rules in the way it was established and defined. We've done a lot of talking, and we've refined that rule. Daddy will allow me time to process, and I will try to let him know that's what's going on so he's knows I'm not drifting away.

So it was a very not very good, bad, terrible, emotionally draining weekend, BUT, we gained new insight, and tons of new understanding and closeness. And I faced one of my deepest fears, that Daddy would see me at my worst and find me untenable. But he didn't. Daddy always said, don't make me chase you, little one, I'll only love you harder. And he did. Sometimes our worst, most fearful moments turn into the most successful trust-building exercises.

HIS POV: 
June is my greatest achievements in life, and yes, sometimes the growing and learning process can be a painful one.  This weekend taught both of us many valuable lessons to remember and use on our journey. Sometimes an HoH has to recognize when he has been wrong, and own it. I also think Ms. June learned that I will never, never stop loving her. No matter what she says or does, she has me as her biggest fan and I love her more every day.  With discipline, patience and  a dedication to not just me, not just her, but us, I think it is possible for us to reach new levels of love and communication.

Following Fondles

Fondles had a post this morning (the morning I'm writing this, not the morning you're reading - we had another post just up & one already in the can) about her and  BIKSS' astrological compatibility. I'm a new agey kinda girl, so I wanted to play, too. The site was kinda cool, it let's you see the results both in terms of any relationship, then after you choose your sign, and the sign of the other person, you get a description, and below, links to see how that fleshes out in terms of a love relationship with each sign as each sex (sounds confusing, you'll see when you get there :-P).
So here are the highlights:

 

General Gemini (Ward) & Virgo (me) compatibility:

Gemini and Virgo experience a lot of mental attraction in any relationship they share. They are always on the same chord at the intellectual level to appreciate and learn from each other.

The connections that Gemini people and Virgo have do not necessarily need a full understanding of what the others intend to do but since there is a mutual understanding, a respect to be had and a seriousness between them, then they can have a warm and quite compatible relationship which ever it is. Due to the calm and subtle affection given by each, there is seldom any tension. They continue to grow their unity with peace and comfort, sharing in their curiosities, graceful manner and intelligence which add to their bliss. Gemini could show Virgo the art of social expression, jovial persuasiveness and brilliant conversations. (That's pretty well spot-on).

There is an almost touching and attractive modesty that the Virgo have that allows them to accept Gemini people’s victory in winning the initial battle with their silver tongued manipulation of words.Normally Gemini people like to win every battle, but there is something about the charming and polite Virgo that causes the Gemini to calm their nature and settle down. The need to win is not so important to the normally high strung Gemini.

Virgo are not one to conjure up an argument or even provoke one that is already started. When argument does arise between the two, there is a lot to be said about Virgo’s hesitancy. Their modest and humble nature allows a lot to pass over for a calmer situation to be had.  If an argument were to ensue, to Gemini people it would be more of an intellectual puzzle to conquer but it cuts on a much deeper level for Virgo. Gemini people help the introverted Virgo broaden their scope of thinking and Virgo show Gemini that it is not all about winning every argument that crosses their path. They have a calming and quite serene relationship that is compatible, compassionate with a mutual understanding and respect.

LOVE COMPATIBILITY:
Gemini man possesses a very strong intellect and pretensions in front of him usually fail. In a relationship, he makes a very easy going and loving mate who respects his as well as his partner’s freedom and is always ready. Never suspect about Gemini man because even if it is not expressed directly, he eventually figures it out and feel miserable for it.

Although she is her own worst critic, Virgo woman wants to serve the world and everyone who belongs in it by bringing a systematic order to the confusion and disarray around them. Personal security is a virtue that she works at creating for the future. Being overly organized and efficient is one virtue she takes pride in even though it seems a bit over the top to others. Virgo woman does not have time for unwarranted emotions but she does have a need for affection. In a love affair she is adaptive and affectionate.

Gemini man and Virgo woman are very vocal towards each other. Virgo woman becomes giddy at the new careless lifestyle she is introduced to by her Gemini man. Not much is held back in the relation when it comes to be a Virgo woman with such pure heart and straightforward feelings. The Virgo woman always respects her Gemini man and teaches him to be calm and serene, just like her. When there is a lot of love in the relationship, their words are healing to each other. Virgo woman is beautifully responsive to the needs of her Gemini man and she takes good care of him as she so desires it as well.

A Gemini man is always very pleased to see a disciplined and well maintained Virgo woman; in fact he is fascinated by her charms. Her feminine nature draws him in as well. In the influence of a strong Gemini man, Virgo woman slowly comes out of her insecurities and become more self confident. He always loves to talk with his Virgo woman about her insecurities and help her pull herself from them. Gemini man gives his Virgo woman the freedom she needs to grow and always tries to be there for her when she needs him. They can create a calm and effective love, to hold on for throughout their lives.

A Gemini man and Virgo woman though have many differences but actually that’s the reason they are so much deeply in love and find each other fascinating. Though the Virgo woman may not be a very great conversationalist but the quick witted Gemini man teaches her to expresses her well and let go her insecurities and discomforts. The Virgo woman, on the other hand makes the life her Gemini man stable and strong. She directs him the right way without stepping over his freedom or making him feel bored. They know each other’s weakness and are always ready to become their lover’s strength. The love of a Virgo woman and Gemini man is a deeper and purer form of friendship with such mutual harmony that exists in their hearts and souls forever to keep them bright and sparkling with each other.
********

So what do you think? Sound fairly accurate?


HIS POV: 
I'm don't practice Santaria, I have no crystal ball  lol famous last words I know, but in all seriousness, it almost seems like this was written with June and I in mind. She tries so hard to please me and make our home a happy and bright one.  Just the sound of her voice is a beautiful musical thing that elates me.  It would seem they have a pretty accurate insight into my personality as well!

Unfair Spankings

As I mentioned in our last post, Old-Fashioned Marriage's post Punishment for Silence got some mixed feelings in the comments. I can see how people were trepidatious about it, and the original post did use the words 'unfair spanking'. And I can understand that if it were considered as a punishment, that it could well lead to bad feelings.

But I also very much understand the spirit of the post. I commented that Ward and I do something along those lines, and when I sense he is stressed (usually before he tells me, or asks for my help), I will offer myself to him, in the spirit of both my submission and the reciprocity that feeds our relationship.


This line of thought brought me back to something I have pondered since I began reading in blogland. One of the first blogs I found was Stormy's, and one of the first posts on her blog I read was her What About Unfair Spankings?. If you haven't read it, you should, it gives excellent advice on how to get through a correction or discipline spanking that you feel is unjust. A really important point she makes is:
"See it as an opportunity to grow, see it as a jumping off place for communication.
Disagree but do not distrust his INTENT and PURPOSE.
View it as an act of love, submitting during tough times.
Embrace an opportunity to grow in maturity as his wife."



Another blogger handled this same issue, Christina in her post When the HoH Makes an Unfair Decision - Final Lessons. She also makes the point of accepting the HoH's decision to discipline with grace, remaining respectful and putting it more in the frame of maintenance or role reaffirmation.

My quandary is in our kinds of relationships, where we have given our men the authority to take us in hand, whether it be for correction/punishment, discipline/role-affirmation, or just-because they want to, how do we then say that it's unfair? I know that Ward and I are a little different in that we do sometimes use spanking for pleasure (we use it for correction, discipline, fun, and if the spanking game takes off, for profit *grin*). But we have similar experiences in the DD portion of our dynamic. I may not necessarily have to think I need to be spanked, but my HoH does. And it's my job to submit with grace. How then can I even begin to assert that he is being unfair? Doesn't that speak to consensual non-consent? *(see end of post)


So that got me thinking about where the thought comes from. And something in OFM's post, or perhaps the comments, tickled something in my brain that I am still struggling to grasp - one of those just beyond fully formed thoughts - just the other side of understanding. What if the feeling of unfairness comes about as a result of anger? What if the HoH is angry?




What if he is unable to put aside the tensions of his day when you come to the place of discipline? What if he is angry because it is a repeated offense, or one that is grievously dangerous to his woman? What if there is argument/contention/frustration in the discussion? What if he says something that, in a highly emotional moment, is cutting to the heart of the submissive wife? What if he does not effectively communicate why he believes correction or discipline is necessary? When the husband explains what has brought them to that place, and then explains why it is damaging to the relationship, it is easier for the wife to come to a place of acceptance. But when it's not communicated at all,or is not communicated in a clear manner, or the why is omitted, it makes it harder to submit with grace.






Ward and I talked about this post as I was writing, I fleshed out ideas with him, and asked him if I was expressing myself clearly. He has some interesting thoughts that he will share as well (thank you, my heart). And he said that it should be left at a place to open discussion. So I invite you please to share your thoughts and feelings on this post,maybe we can all come to a place of better understanding.



HIS POV: 
Sometimes making decisions is a difficult process. Sometimes it's even more difficult to do right by the one you love and the relationship you share.  June and I have a unique relationship that isn't so much defined by punishment or correction as it is enhanced and made stronger by it.

Spanking is a lot of things, but it is rarely, if ever, convenient or easy.  That is why I think that it is important that spanking be something that we don't just rush into or hurry through. It's worth doing well, thoroughly, and right.

It's easy to understand that sometimes, a disagreement or miscommunication can occur, but these things should be handled with care. Submission with grace, along with truly listening - and hearing - what each other say, is a recipe for success.

I would also make note that an even temper and knowing when a spanking is not optimal is also a valuable thing for an HoH/Top to know and understand.  Spanking in anger, or out of frustration is weak, juvenile, ineffective and at it's worst harmful.  A spanking, especially a disciplinary one has to be born of love and a will and desire to improve not only behavior but the relationship as a whole. 

There is a world of difference between what is fair and what is right, realizing this, I endeavor to do right by us and ours in all things.

 **************

*Consensual non-consent is a concept that is common to all manner of D/s relationships. If this is a term you have not heard before, or are not sure how it fits into a CDD/LDD/DD type D/s relationships, I offer these two resources:
Taken in Hand - The nature and effects of consensual non-consent

"Nonconsensual" Consent? A guideline to consent in CDD

The Spanking Game

Old-Fashioned Marriage made a post about distancing and made an interesting proposition. He proposed that the wife be spanked as a consequence for the husband distancing, under the understanding that he bears the responsibility for all that goes on in the relationship (true), and since he cannot be held accountable, punishing his wife for his transgression would act to correct his behavior.

Ward and I do something kind of like that, but the thought behind it is a little different. I do not assume punishment for him. But when I sense that he is stressed, perhaps a little distant, I will bring him the hairbrush (his weapon errrrrr implement of choice), say "Go ahead, Daddy, you'll feel better", and drape my panty-covered bottom over his lap. And he always does feel better. And I feel good that I can offer that to him.

One time, on a particularly evil, not good, very bad day, (after a duty day prior to the last deployment) I wanted to pull him back to his happier self, and remind him that life was not always going to be this hard. So I thought and thought and thought, and this is what I did.

I laid a cool drink on the table where he would sit, as well as some sliced fruit and cheese and crackers. When he came in, I kissed him and slid his coat off his arms, loosened and removed his tie, sat him in his chair. After removing his boots and socks I gave him a relaxing foot massage and listened to his sighs as I explained what he saw on the table and floor.



I had laid out some pillows on the floor in front of the table. On the table were 6 bowls with slips of paper. One was labeled Action. It contained slips of paper with the words, lick, suck, spank, etc.Another labeled Substance with words like honey, chocolate, whipped cream, etc. Another was labeled body part. Another labeled Implement, which needs no explanation, lol. One was labeled position. And the last labeled Duration. 



 
Also on the table were 2 trays:

The game went: you chose a slip from the action bowl. If you received an impact word, you chose additional slips from the implement, position and duration bowls. If you chose a lick/suck/kiss word, you chose a slip from the substance, body part and duration bowls. Obviously, if it was an impact word, my bottom was the bottom being impacted regardless of who drew the slip, lol. And if you chose a 'mouth' word or massage/caress word you performed the action on the other partner.

Needless to say, by the time we were done playing,  communication was flowing easily, there was no distancing and no holding back, and I had one very deliriously relaxed, totally de-stressed Daddy....and we put the dinner on 'warm'.


HIS POV:  June knows my heart so well.  She takes such expert care of me that it makes me want to compose poetry to her name and glory.  As the head of our home I have to recognize that I need to be accountable to our standard and being a stressed out mess does not help.  We are  very blessed to count ourselves good communicators and I am very very fortunate to have her as my lady. This game was a blast and it's a wonderful way to pass a fall day, even when everything is going great!

Beauty and Self-Image



  I see beauty everywhere, I see it in the sky, blue and full of clouds, I see it  in the forests so full of trees and green.  I see it on the smiling face of children and in my lover's voluptuous form.  Sometimes June has trouble seeing herself as I do.  As I am sure you know, June's past  has a lot to do with that.  She is as beautiful and radiant as the sun and I am working hard to change her perception of what beauty is. I won't say it's the whole reason, but I think the media has significantly contributed to what I believe is an unrealistic and unobtainable standard of beauty for both men and women.   I guess I've always had a unique and different mindset, but the beauty of human form is undeniable.  The differences between us all are to be celebrated.   Tall or short, light or dark,  we are all a testament to design and shape.

 She knows that I don't tolerate any self-disparaging remarks or down talk about herself.  I think that a positive self-image is a important part of any healthy relationship, and even more so when that relationship contains elements of Domestic Discipline.  I celebrate her beauty and grace in my life daily. The impact of her beautiful spirit, her kindness, her wisdom and grace are as potent and delightful as the sensual gift that her curvy form is. Every inch of her skin  from head to toe speaks of my delight and the warmth that radiates (sometimes literally) from within. 



 We want to be the couple walking down the street that everyone notices... Not for the clothes we wear or the car we drive but  the relationship. We want the beauty and light of our relationship to speak for itself.  Being rich in family and spirit is something that we all delight in and we love to let it shine.

As for physical beauty,  with everything else I guess there is just no accounting for tastes. June knows that I love her body, and that her body type is what calls to me.. I like curves,  always have always will and as she gains confidence, I've noticed that June is becoming less afraid to use them on me! I find her increasing confidence sexy and marvel at how anybody ever found her less than beautiful.  My tastes tend to run toward what was once considered classic.  My tastes tend to run towards the curvy and the rubenesque...

                                                  

A positive self-image is more than sexy, it's the foundation of confidence and pride.  The beauty we carry inside is stronger and deeper than the world around us!

Her POV:

I have to tell you that I am sitting here with a raging blush, first for Daddy's effusive praise, and secondly because my boldness has been noted (of course I know he notes it, but to have it pointed out that I'm not necessarily as demure as I like to be....oh my). I am Daddy's girl, I am Ward's woman, and I enjoy expressing my love of and my desire for him in many ways. 

When I am with him, this mundane world disappears, and the world we inhabit is a beautiful place - the landscape is verdant, the sky is azure in day, and a velvet midnight blue painted riotously with stars at night, beauty abounds and the air is fresh and sweet with botanical scents. When I am with him, my body sings, and I feel as elegant and beautiful and full of grace as any dancer that lights a stage afire with her passion. When I am with him I am who I always dreamed I could be. I am free and unfettered, and without limits.

When he is not here, when he is floating beneath the jeweled sea, I ache for the things that are but pale ghosts without him - and I work with all my might to remain worthy of our life and his esteem. 

I don't know if I will ever feel beautiful to the world, but I feel beautiful to him, and that is all that really matters, isn't it? I love you, mo Rí.