What it's like....

I thought I'd spend a little time today talking about what it's like for me....





To be:

- June's Daddy
- A spanko
- A old fashioned man in a modern time







Being June's Daddy is like no other gift  that I have ever received.  Our hearts and minds are so in tune at times it's almost uncanny.  She is my support system, my inspiration and the warmth and light of comfort at the end of long and wearisome days.   I support her, guide her, give her the support, love, respect, discipline and attention that she needs to thrive in the warmth of our love.











When our relationship began Ms. June and I spent a lot time discussing and comparing notes on life, spanking lifestyles and many other things. As time went on it was very clear that we shared something that is rare, profound and timeless.  Indeed, being her daddy, her man, her best friend has brought out the best in me and made me a better man





Being a spanko is like....  A cold drink on a hot day, soft music, making love on a rainy day, dancing beneath a full moon... it's amazing...

It has also come to our attention that perhaps we aren't like some DD couples. In addition to using spanking for discipline and correction (June really is a very good girl) [Thank you, Daddy :)]  We also love spanking for any of a bunch of other reasons.  In addition to being a great stress reliever,  it hones our libidos, and generally connects us at a very close and special level.  I think it's also advantageous for us on a one to one basis because both of us are true blue spankos and came this way, nobody got converted so to speak, it was 100% natural and that's how we love it.

Being Old Fashioned is a bit like:



Being a gentleman.  I try to carry myself like a gentleman, just how my mother and father raised me.  It kind of stands out in stark contrast to what the media portrays as the quintessential modern man - you know the clueless buffoon that is more childish than his children... I try to be a man that Ms. June can be proud of... She deserves the best I can give her and I try to carry myself that way. 






It's a beautiful thing to share this relationship...this life with a wonderful lady like mine.  I bid you all a great weekend!

Her POV:

We talked endlessly, and easily, and openly, like I have never talked with anyone else before. And it was unassuming. We had no expectations. Ward had a little trick that served as both a conversation starter and a deflection technique, lol - "random question", but it helped us to learn all manner of things about each other.

He is charming and very much old-fashioned and courtly. He is a breath of fresh air. He possess a strength of character that is quite uncommon, and extraordinarily attractive. He is absolutely magnetic.

I have always, because of my life till Ward, been cards to my chest, but he reads me well, things that I think I conceal and no one has ever understood, he sees and understands and responds in ways that make me open and fold myself into him.

I am indeed proud of my man. I am proud of who he is. I am proud to belong to him. I am proud of who we are together. I am proud of the kind of family we are building for our children. He is yummy :)

Examining Submission Journaling Exercise - Day 2

Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

 I only submit to Ward. And I am submissive in all ways. Ward takes care of finances, and that is fine with me. In fact, in the beginning I approached him and asked him if he could please be the money manager because it stresses me out. I'm always afraid I'll forget something.

We discuss all things, but Ward makes the final decision, and I'm comfortable with that. Ward will dig and dig (gently) until he is sure he has not only my opinion, but my feelings. Interesting qualification, huh? But sometimes you are either unsure, or you know what contributes to the greater good, but it may make you sad, or uneasy.

For instance, there is a decision that Ward is making now. He asked what I thought and I told him what I would like, and told him that I know whatever decision he makes will be to the greatest benefit of our relationship and I would support him. The fact is, I will support him, but I really hope that the decision goes one way, because it means more time together. We were talking and I said it's not fair that I keep bringing it up. You know what I think, and I trust you to make the decision. And to keep bringing it up seems like it would be manipulative. You know what I think. And he said, yes, I know what you think, but I need to know how you feel. So I told him, and he thanked me. And I felt better.

Now the blushworthy stuff, I am submissive also in the bedroom. I can, perhaps take the initiative, but I always say, I want to do this, would you like that? May I have this? May I do this? He likes that. It both shows my desire for him, and my respect for him as my Dominant partner. (And I'm not gonna lie - cause that's against the rules and stuff - but it makes him squirm & I LOVE that :"> )

Control

I have two vanilla friends who are aware that I live the life I live. One professes to be a bit kinky herself. The other has come to a grudging tolerance. She asks questions sometimes, but I think that she has already formed her opinion, and boy, is it hard to get her to understand that it's not the way she thinks it is. Daddy says some people just aren't meant to understand, but it makes me palm/chin when the perception is so different from reality.

One of our early conversations went something like this,
"Can you?"
          "I have to check with Ward"
"You're an adult."
          "And he's my authority."
"How much are you sacrificing?"
          "I'm not sacrificing anything."
"What if you want something and he says no?"
          "Then it is not something that is best for me, for us or for our relationship."

From there I tried to explain that in every relationship there can be some disparity, and some compromise has to be reached. Everyone can't have everything all the time. Someone has to yield,someone has to decide or you end up like this:

It's not about putting my own needs on the back burner. It's about putting him first knowing that he will put me first as well. It's about knowing who you are in a relationship with, being able to communicate and have complete trust.

And no matter how logical and sensible this is, I fear that her perception of our relationship is less what we really are:

and much more like this

*sigh*

The reality is that in a D/s relationship there is a very interesting phenomenon. When a submissive partner genuinely submits, the Dominant partner will go out of his way to make sure she is happy. Other benefits include increased communication and an incredible peace and harmony. I've waited a lifetime for this, folks. Ward knows my thoughts before I speak them, he knows my heart, he knows my desires, 

he anticipates my wants needs and desires. He does stuff for me I would never do for myself.

So this friend asked how therapy had gone & I told her great, I talked about my two pieces of news. She asked what they were I said one was about almost all my college credits transferring with the total shift in my program (from CIS to Psychology), but I couldn't share the other because it was about Daddy & he hadn't decided. She was dumbfounded, why wouldn't I tell her. Because it's not my news to share (talking to my therapist is altogether different). Then she started wondering about giving someone else that much control.....ugh. It has absolutely nothing to do with control. It has to do with respect. And I don't understand why that is so hard to understand.

Are any of you "out" to your 'nilla friends? Do you find yourself having these kinds of conversations?

More on the Surrendered Wife

Reading further in The Submissive Wife, and I'm still finding lots that I do agree with. In view of our partners being the leaders of our homes, I agree that we need to let them lead. I agree that we need to trust and not get stuck on the points that we think they should do it like we would, because, well, they are them. I agree that trying to jump in when a problem arises is trying to take control, and in letting him steer the situation as he sees fit.

I have a problem with the advice that if he asks for opinion, or feedback your only response should be "Whatever you think". What? Then she says that if a problem arises let him be with it, let him be distant and grouchy, and think that it's his responsibility, and you're neither his mother or his therapist. Whoa! I would really be interested in your opinions here (yours, too, Daddy). I find this incredibly dismissive and disrespectful. It is,to me, saying that his is inconsequential, and his struggles are not your concern. Obviously his concerns are yours. I don't necessarily think that offering support or condolence is trying to garner control. I believe that you can be supportive without being controlling.

And the author herself supports this later, when speaking about her husband practising a presentation using her as his audience (pg 138), for a job in which he had no experience. She reports that she was amazed that he turned from confident to stuttering and nervous during the presentation. So when asked how he did, she did not provide a false, "You did a great job", instead said, "You've done this sort of thing so many times. Of course you'll be great." That to me is much more palatable than letting him stew, or a dismissive "whatever you think" as she states in other places in the book.

I guess my problem is that I feel in a few places she advises deceitful communication, or discourages communication. As far as Ward and I, I think it is possible to be open and honest, and not be controlling. And I fear that if people didn't try to tailor these approaches that the greater good of the message of this book could be completely lost.

Submission

It's no wonder that most people have a negative impression of what submission is. Just look at the various online dictionaries. Most of the definitions are along the lines of "yielding to a superior force", or "to allow oneself to be subjected to something" or "surrendering to the hold of an opponent". All of these definitions have some negative, adversarial notes. So I can understand how without first-hand knowledge that submission bears negative connotations.

The common definition that I like the most, and think most embodies the spirit of submission to our partners is this, ""To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another." Again, authority has many meanings that could be negative, because many of them assume a subordinate relationship. Here the definition that I like best is "the power to determine, adjudicate, or otherwise settle issues" But even these address the letter and not the spirit of our relationships.

So how would we define our relationships to someone who does not understand. It's really easy to get bogged down in the minutiae and not be able to be clear. So I went on a search for how to best define who we are. And I found the most wondrous explanation, which, coincidently echoes something Ward said in his first post:

•  The wife puts her husband’s will before her own.

• The husband puts his wife’s interests before his own.       

Ward and I talk, a lot, because we believe that communication, mutual respect and trust are the foundations of any good relationship. If those statements sound constricting, I'd ask you to think when you have not yielded because something was a better fit for you as a couple? We are individuals, yes, but when we commit to each other is there not a greater being that is the family we create? 

I have been asked why I am willing to give up so much to another person.  The simpler answers are that I respect Ward and I trust him implicitly, that we communicate on a very deep level. The more complicated answer, the one that is harder to understand is that yes I give much, but I lose nothing because he fills me to overflowing with so many rich gifts that I would not be able to accept were I not willing to submit myself to him.

I'd be interested in hearing how you view your submission. Is it a struggle, does it feel adversarial, or is it a quiet yielding to reciprocal gifts?

Hello, and Welcome

 Hello everyone,

 I thought I'd take a moment to introduce myself, I am a decidedly old-fashioned young gentleman who has the marvellous fortune to be in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful, sweet, adult little girl.  We believe in honest, open communication and in living not for ourselves, but each other.  I look forward to getting to know each and everyone of you!   I really am quite excited to have the opportunity to share thoughts, compare notes and maybe even offer some resources for ladies and gentlemen who are of similar mind!  Once again, it is a true pleasure!

The Surrendered Wife

                                                                   

I'm currently reading The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle.  I'm up to chapter 7, Receive Graciously. I'm really finding it a pretty good book, and fairly common sense (it's not exactly rocket science, now). She has many good points, and even gives you some phrasing to help ease you into perhaps difficult situations. 

I do disagree on two minor points in her presentation. In one part she talks about not arguing, that arguing is fighting for control and kills intimacy. Well I agree with that. But she says if you have to complain, do it with your friends, not your partner. There I have to say pretty bad form. If I have something to say to Daddy, I'll say it, respectfully, of course. But I feel that carrying our issues to our friends is a bit disrespectful of him, and not exactly stretching my trust muscles, and not fostering his trust of me. 

The other point I disagree with is in her discussion of taking care of yourself. She talks about a couple with a sick child and says the mother was feeling stressed because she hadn't had any "me" time, and frustrated because her husband had kept his routine of going to the gym twice weekly. She said the woman then said, okay, time for me & arranged an evening out but just left her husband & kids and they got along just fine. The author advised not to ask for permission, just to up & go. 

Well, I have a fundamental problem with that, even if we weren't D/s. I think that simple courtesy dictates at least a "Hey, babe, I'm stressed, do you mind if I run out for a bit?" Daddy subscribes to the theory that less stress means you are better able to deal with the day-to-day. He believes in a little "me" time (for me) every day. But doing it the way the books suggests, leaves me a little  cold. 

But she has more very good points than bad. One that particularly struck me was fighting about silly things. And the thought struck me, we inherently understand in dealing with our children that there are some things worth fighting over, but we'll argue with our partner over the clothes they choose, or the way they drive, or what they put on their food. Why can't we apply that simple principle to our partners?

All in all I would recommend this book. It has some interesting things to teach.

WELCOME!

Who we are is a little complicated to explain. We are a D/s couple, with a non-ageplay Daddy/little girl dynamic, in a male-led 1950s household, which employs DD. Wow! What a mouthful! Most of you reading will be familiar with the terms, but if you're not, just ask. We don't bite......well, not much anyway!

I like finding community with like-minded people. Daddy also says that there are not many resources for men, and he'd like to have somewhere they can come for communion as well. But I'll let him tell you more about that.

What we believe:
We believe that communication and mutual respect are the foundation of any healthy relationship. We believe in supporting your partner and being their biggest cheerleader. We believe in unconditional love. We believe that female submission and male leadership lead to increased intimacy. We are spiritual, though not necessarily religious, so while we don't view male-led relationships as biblically mandated, we don't dispute that. We do believe that male-led relationships are the natural order of things.

What you will find here:
We don't exactly have an agenda. We just want to share things we find and learn, and perhaps discuss our journey. We also want to develop a community and learn from others. We hope to foster intelligent discussion and expand everyone's horizons.

Please be aware that this will be a kink-friendly blog, as they said in Poltergeist "All are welcome, all are welcome!" Please keep in mind that there is no black and white, there are however many beautiful shades of gray which give our world beauty, definition and depth. We acknowledge that no single dynamic works for all people. We ask that you be tolerant of other individual's dynamics. Flaming and hate-speech will not be tolerated. Please be respectful of each other.

What you won't find here:
While they will not be prohibited among followers or in the comments, there will be no discussion from Daddy or myself about intimate matters, to include discipline and correction. We both believe that there are things in each relationship that are not meant to be shared.

So now you know who we are and what this little blog is all about. We hope you enjoy visiting and come back often!