Maintenance, Discipline, and Stress Relief

                                                                         

  June will tell you that she gets spanked every day. Often times two or three times a day.  Some of you may have a hard time believing that such a good, sweet girl  would require such frequent attentions... The truth is that June and I view maintenance and discipline a bit different than most.  We have found that daily spankings help keep us both where we need to be physically and mentally and we have both found that our relationship benefits deeply from this.  Besides being DD, we are both spanking enthusiasts and find spanking alluring, and we find them to be a soothing source of stress relief and a source of inspiration to the betterment of our relationship.

                                                                        

Maintenance even though we don't always call it that is a very special and very intimate way  of connecting and finding the comfort that  can only be found with each other. Yes we like it... Does that make it less DD? Less special? We don't think so.  It is more than a fascination, hobby, or fetish, it really is a way of living and thinking that makes us who we are.  June is hyper vigilant about everything, but especially her communication and the expression of her submission and desire to please me.  I am vigilant in responding to and facilitating her needs.  She honors me with her loving submission and her sweet and wonderful heart.  I try to honor her by being a man she can be proud to call hers.

                                                  

I've noticed that a lot of people seem to mistake or use discipline in conjunction with or interchangeably with correction or punishment.  For us Discipline is a way of refocusing and learning, discipline is very useful for reaching a goal, feeling our places and learning to communicate in a more effective, healthier way.  I just wish that perhaps there wasn't an immediate connection between discipline and punishment.  To some that would be semantics, but I guess I just see things a tad differently. While both valid, correction and discipline should both be used along with clear, focused communication that highlights expectations, encourages growth, and is affectionate and reassuring.

                                

 

                  

                  

                                                                                              

Stress relief comes in many forms. A long soak in a bubble field tub with a glass of wine, A relaxing foot massage, and yes even a good, long, firm spanking.  This world, this life are stressful and sometimes June needs me to help her find the balance in the interim.  Bills, work, kids and any other number of stressors can be handled, the trouble is, sometimes both of us have a knack for letting things "pile up" and then life gets overwhelming. June helps me with this as much as I help her... she's always ready and willing to drape herself across my lap and help me stop stress before it stops us.  Likewise, I'm always ready to give her the attention that she needs, be it  me distracting the kids so she can have some "Mommy Time" sending her out for a manicure/pedicure/massage or just taking time to listen, I've learned that it pays to put stress in it's place before it becomes unmanageable.

                                        

  

             

We've covered many topics on  spanking and have mentioned the differences between type and motivation, but I think sometimes it is good to get further into the many benefits that come along with the DD and spanking lifestyles.  Unceasing affection along with a unasuageable  thirst for fulfilment, growth and actualization.

                                                        

Her POV:
I hope I don't alienate all my new friends, yes, I get spanked every day, at least in the morning, it helps me start the day feeling totally owned, and at bedtime, it helps to blow away the stress of the day so that I can sleep (I have suffered from insomnia for years). Those are not always what some of our community that are strictly DD experience.

They vary in intensity, depends on the day, but there are lots of pauses, rubs and strokes, sometimes kisses and other lovely touches. They help to center me, give me the sense of my place in our relationship, his headship and Dominance, they let me feel safe and loved. For me, those are part of discipline. They firmly establish our roles.

Discipline might also be pulling me back when I start to range, when I feel a little our of control, or when stress is carrying me away... or carrying him away. I've said before that when I see Daddy stressing, I will offer myself to him, either handing him an implement, or simply laying across his lap. These - stress relief spankings- are always very firm, they may or may not bring tears.

 Correction is the only type that I would sell my soul to avoid. And not because of the level of spanking, but because I have behaved in a manner less than my man and/or my family deserves. In all ways I strive to represent myself, my Daddy and my family in a manner that brings him the honor that he deserves. When I have not done so, Daddy is far more gentle and forgiving with me than I am with myself. I may not like them, or want to earn them, but I am grateful that he loves me enough to provide them, so that we can clear the air and put those moments of being less behind us. He has never brought up one of those moments after they have passed- ever.

All in all, the ones I need, the ones I want, and the ones I deserve, I am grateful to Ward's diligence to our relationship, and for his insight and empathy in understanding what I need, what keeps me even, what keeps me feeling the way that I want to feel. I enjoy feeling submissive to him, I enjoy knowing that I am always under the shelter of his hand.

How do I live?

      "He was the most beautiful and appealing man she had ever known...She gripped his hand, shivering with fear  and inexpressibly grateful that fate had combed her and him from the tangle of humanity, and that love had braided them together in marriage.
        He drew her into his arms. She held fast to him.
        One ear against his chest, she listened to his heart. The beat was strong, at first quickened by anxiety, but then growing calmer.
        Her heart slowed to match the pace of his.
        Steel has a high melting point, but higher still when it is alloyed with tungsten. Cashmere is a strong fabric, as is silk; however, a cashmere-and-silk blend will provide more warmth to the wearer than will either fabric alone.
         Alone, she had learned at a young age to carry all the weight of the world piled on her. As long as she had him, she could endure not just the terrors of this world but all those that might come from beyond it." The Taking: A Novel - Dean Koontz
 

I was reading yesterday and this passage struck me deeply. It could have been written about Ward and me. I've told the story before of how we met. Even then at that first contact, I found him to be the most appealing man I had ever known. The first time we spoke on the phone, I had to mop myself up off the floor. The man has the most incredible voice I have ever heard. It's deep and rich and smooth - it is the salted caramel sauce of voices.

The first time we stood in the same room, it was literally like all the air had been sucked from the room, and every other person and every other structure just disappeared in a puff of dissipating color, texture and substance. He took my hand and I was anchored. He wrapped his arms around me and for the first time in my life I felt safe, and very much like our characters in the book excerpt, my heartbeat slowed from the thunderous rhythm of fear that had driven my life, and met his calm, soothing, assured rhythm, and I knew that I would never again shoulder any burden alone. 

 

He gathered the tattered threads of my heart, my soul, my concept of self, my shattered hope, and he has added his, and we are weaving them into tapestry that is strong, resilient, comforting and the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. For the first time ever, I am free to be who I am, not having to hide any part of myself. For the first time ever I see a beauty in myself. There is nothing that I cannot do with him at my side.  






 
And yet, I have to consider periods of time without him - that makes me desperate. As I write, we are waiting for word that will dictate whether Ward must deploy in the very near future. If he does, our family will be separated for Thanksgiving and Christmas. This will be our third. We are stronger than any deployment. We can do it. I know we can.I simply don't want to. 

 
I don't want to say - goodbye, be safe, see you soon, I love you, we'll make you proud. I don't want to wait on pins and needles every day for the mailman to see if there is something...anything from him. I don't want to send packages and pictures and things that keep his spirits up and feeling our love and wonder if they ever reach him, or they will be delivered after he finally gets home. I don't want to watch our children cry and say they miss him. I don't want to cry into my pillow every night, wishing for his heat, the sound of his breathing that makes me smile in the night, his arms and his sleep-honeyed voice saying, "be a good girl and go back to sleep" and snuggling against him hearing his heartbeat and letting it lull me. I don't want to walk through Walmart and stop suddenly feeling like I have been gut-punched and wondering if I can get out of there before I collapse. I don't want to. 

But if it is required of me, I will. I have this superstitious belief that you should not pray for a specific outcome, you may get what you want, but it may be wrapped in 30 things you don't. So I will pray to my God that He will grant the thing that is best for our family - for my man, our children and me. And I will accept what comes - even if it puts miles between us, because even then it will never tear us apart - and I will pray for the grace that I need to do it honorably and in a way that brings pride to my Ward and our family.. 
 

HIS POV:   
I'm in tears as I write this... To be blessed with such a beautiful, loving, intelligent and sweet lady to share a life and a family with.... It is nothing short of the grace of God.  It is incredibly humbling sharing something so sweet and romantic and powerful... I don't want to have to do those things either, to be absent life sweeter lived in proximity and harmony.... I will do my duty but, my family is always with me in my heart... It is an honor to love you June, and I know sometimes, this life demands too much of us, but I will not fail you.  Our love is strong enough, and the Lord's grace is sufficient.

Natural Submissive?

When I first started seeking TTWD, I didn't know that I was seeking TTWD. I had no name for it, I knew what I wanted, what I needed, but I had never, in the available outlets seen it talked about. I started exploring where I could envision searching, in the realm of BDSM. It had some elements, but it did not satisfy that deep hunger, and was somewhat more ....intense than I wished to go. I searched the spanking sites, and the Christian DD sites (yes there are some). But most of the contact I received were for hook-ups. I am not a hook-up kind of girl. I need substance, and I need depth and longevity. If I am to give this much of myself to another, should that not be there?





I did play with several people, non-sexually, impact play only, there was not enough there to wish for more in depth interaction. I had very strict limits, I said no a lot, but within the context of consent I was anticipatory.







I heard a phrase repeatedly, one that you heard Daddy say in the last post, "natural submissive". I did not understand what that meant, so I googled it - (Google is our friend). This is what I found:
A natural submissive is born with a submissive nature. A need to please others. This need and submissive tendency goes beyond sexual gratification. It is in their nature to please others, and they will readily give up their control to another with very little or no urging from their dominant.






 I did pretty much come this way. I don't know if it is a natural inclination, or one that was instilled in me, trying to win the love of a woman who was not capable of giving it, or to find someone who would be pleased just because I existed. If I heard you say you liked a particular dish, I would learn to make it. If I knew you were tired, you'd come home to a clean house. If I heard you talking about a health concern and you couldn't connect with a doctor, I would research it. I need to be able to make things right, to make things easy for people - whether I like you or not. I always just attributed it to a sense of fairness, no on e should suffer if someone can help, which is why faerie's post A Sub By Any Other Name really struck a chord with me.

You've heard me say before, I'm just me - perfectly imperfect just me. I had a friend, who took umbrage at the fact that I do find submission easy - a lot of that has to do with who Ward is. I think submission is a choice. It is certainly my choice, and for me a relief to be able to be who I am, to not have to bear armor that wearies me. She would say that not all of us are perfect. I said I am certainly not perfect. And truth be told, I have a great deal of respect for women who struggle with their submission. To my it's as though when something costs you something to give, it has more value, if that makes sense.





I ask Ward all the time, what does he get out of this? Because I get so very much. I do not want to be bottomless. I do not want this all to be about me - it feels that way sometimes. Maybe because I don't understand what exactly he feels, what it gives him. He gave me more of a glimpse in the last post. I imagine it is hard for him to put it into words. For me, it is hard to describe, it is visceral, it's a feeling, a heartbeat.





As I got to know Ward, I realized that this was my One. This was the person that I could let all the walls down with. This is the person who would see me for who I was, and accept me, and nurture me. Ward touched the place of submission in my heart. If you knew me in the world before Ward, I was kind of stodgy, stiff-lipped, maybe even a little cold, maybe even just a wee lil bit sarcastic, a tad snarky.. No one got everything except my children - until Ward. He is not only pleased simply because I exist, he's grateful. The more I give, the more he embraces it - embraces me, and the more I want to give.






I have always striven to find the words to express how it feels, and I think while running errands, sitting at a red light, gathering wool, the perfect descriptive occurred to me. When I drink wine, I feel a warmth that spreads from my belly outwards, through my limbs to my fingers. It is a lazy, luxurious, relaxed feeling. It lowers my inhibitions. It wraps my mind like a soft blanket - warm and fuzzy. Being submissive to Ward is like this, warm, comfortable, pleasurable and intoxicating.





Am I a natural submissive? Shrugs. I am just me. I love my man, and I thrive in giving him my essence.








HIS POV:  
It is a true honor to have witnessed the beauty and be gifted with the glory that comes with such a splendid gift.  The ease of her submission, the completeness of her emotion and the comfort of such fills a man with a pride not before seen.  She may not be a natural submissive, but she is MY submissive and the intoxicating fuzzy feelings that she describe go for me too. It is is an intoxicating melody that plays in my heart, and again, I owe it all to the lovely Ms. June.

Submission and Obedience - An HoH's View

                                                                                   


                                                                                                  


I think June has expressed the fullness and complexity of her submission in many splendid and beautiful ways. It has come to my attention that perhaps it might be high time that I weighed in on a subject so precious and complex.  When we where getting acquainted, June and I spent hours of time just talking.  We shared ideas, shared stories (I will post more sometime, I promise) and talked well into the wee hours of the night/morning just getting to know how the other thought. June truly does have a submissive, giving heart and a genuine will to please.   I have come to understand that what we share is a rare and beautiful jewel of a gift, something to take pride in, something to protect, something to burnish, and polish until it shines brighter than diamonds.



                                             


I think when we were in the initial phases of our relationship, it took some getting used to for me.  Here she was the first truly pure soul that I have ever known.  When our relationship went beyond the simple cozy phase to the 'Wow this is the one truly love phase' it didn't take long for us to fall into our respective rolls with relish and joy.  Dominance, even in the most domestic sense has always been something that is natural for me, it's just like falling off a log or making love, or laughing in the rain.  June is again, a natural submissive and I imagine it must be  much the same,  like laughing or like enjoying a warm sunny day.  I'm sure you have heard her say it several times, but in many ways June and I feel very blessed to have  experienced this lifestyle almost by default.  You may know or have well guessed that June and I also happen to be spanking enthusiasts, but it's more than that. Our relationship thrives off of the structure, and support that Domestic Discipline brings and promotes. We are open and honest with each other, and we love each other enough to hold each other accountable and to listen even when it isn't simple or easy.

Understanding June's submissive nature has led to the many delightful discoveries. One of the things I take such a joy in is her obedience. I guess it might sound funny to read in this day and time, but one of the things I take pride in besides (well everything) is how she expresses her love and devotion to me and our relationship by working hard to be obedient.  I know it can't always be easy and that there are many complex and beautiful factors at work here. To obey and serve another is amongst the highest of callings and to be loved by one so diligent, pleasing and genuinely interested touches me more and more every day.  It truly does make a man feel like Royalty, and you all know that I try to make her feel like the Queen that she is. So many beautiful things we have discovered, chiefest among them are:



An honesty unparalleled (even when one of us may not like hearing what is said)
A love unfettered
A lightness of mind
A similarity of thought process
A  beauty and richness of soul and a open free heart


Well there are other things that we have discovered... but those are for us... sorry not sharing (grin)


                                                                    



                                                                               

June's beautiful gifts of submission and obedience are straight from the heart and in reciprocity, I give her my strength , my love and my devotion... we may just be regular every day folk, but together  we are something greater...




                                                        




Her POV

Daddy tells me all the time that he is pleased, and that I am his good girl, but to tell you the truth, to see it in concentrated form...I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks.

Ward is a strong, gentle and honorable man. As we talked and got to know each other better, I felt myself opening to him more and more. I suspect that it was very new for both of us. I was never received in the way that he received me. It encouraged me to be more expressive of my nature.

I am - as you've heard me say before - just me, but I have been told that I am a natural submissive. It is not as much of an effort for me to submit as it is for me to be the strong one, the one in control - which is the position I had repeatedly found myself in in prior relationships. With Daddy, it was a folding into him, it was being accepted for the first time ever and being able to just be who I was.

To be able to anticipate his needs, and to see that look on his face, and feel what it does for him, to be able to stretch myself and give him the things that he wants, fulfills me in ways that are very hard to describe. It is a peace, a quiet of the heart and soul, a sense of completeness and a joy I have never known.

I am honored to belong to this warm and giving man, I revel in being able to submit to him in joy, and as the photo at the top of our blog says, I will follow him anywhere and I will always have his back.

Accountability for him...

                                                    


I'm not a perfect person... there are, in fact, many things that I wish I didn't do. But I have been blessed to have found someone who can love me despite my insecurities and faults. I think with the Title, Honor, and Privilege of calling oneself and being called HoH comes a massive amount of responsibility.  A lot of times in TTWD, DD, CDD, LDD and just plain old spanking relationships it's easy to see the system of accountability for one side of the relationship, but what about the other? In my growth and discovery, I have learned that for us it is vital for me to be accountable in my actions not just as the HoH, but also as a man and a relationship partner.


I'm sure I don't need to tell anyone that we do not switch, and we think our system works for us, but I would also like to illustrate a few things about our relationship that I think help me be the man that June needs for me to be, even when it isn't easy for me or when life gets stressful.  

                                                                                                                                         

                                      

1.  Distance is not acceptable and  has to be put down quickly, wanting a little space to work things out is fine, but distancing is not.

                                                    

2.  Sometimes  a cooler head has to prevail, once words come out of the mouth, they can't be taken back in again regardless of apology or intent  (I have to remind myself of this and be mindful of the thoughts in my head)

3.  I can't ask June to do something when I know that I can't,

There are other rules, but I think these illustrate the need for a HoH, Husband, partner to not just be an enforcer, but to be accountable to the relationship's standards as well. How does that happen?   dig deep, I think of  the good of the relationship and when I am wrong I own up to it.  I try not to be that guy that can't admit when he is wrong. I won't go into specifics but not very long ago, something came up and I totally screwed up. They say hindsight is 20-20 but I find myself looking back with the knowledge that I must work on my communication and make things right before the sun goes down. We had a long talk about what happened and we both learned a few things that will help




                                                               





I am not always right, and I love getting June's view.  When I make decisions for us, when I discipline her, when we communicate, love is always at the center and the relationship comes before anything else, not my ego, not a inexplicable and incorrect need to be right, not to make myself feel like I'm above her... My motivation for self-accountability is our love.

                                                        

Her POV:
This is something that I need to get used to. I have never had a partner that accepted responsibility, and when things went wrong I just redoubled my efforts, and of course, there was no reciprocity.

When Ward apologizes, I will be honest, it kind of makes me uncomfortable, I don't know what to say to that. It's one of those open-mouthed flappy lip moments. I am stunned that this man loves me enough to ... well do what I do for him. That sounds silly, I now. And when the shock wears off, my heart overflows with love. He loves me - he values me enough to ask my forgiveness. And I give it as freely as he forgives my copious weaknesses.

That's another place where grace is needed, in accepting his apology, because I felt that he was within his right to react as he did. It would have been easy to brush off his apology. But he needed my grace, he needed my forgiveness. And as much as it helped him grow, it helped me as well. I am learning that I am not in this on my own. I have for the first time in my life a partner, someone who sees me and values me and who cherishes that which we are building together.

Fun and Laughter

                                                     

One of the subjects that I am surprised that we haven't touched on yet is a simple but beautiful part of our everyday life and we hope with a fondness that it is an integral part of yours as well.  I'm talking about having fun of course!  I have noticed that June and I seem to have more fun than some of our vanilla contemporaries and I wonder if that is a nice side effect of DD and communication or if it's just us. Either way It would be hard for me to deny the  warm, tingly feeling that I get when I hear the musical sound of her laughter.


                  


In this day and age, there are many unkind realities that I believe contribute to some of the many problems that couples face.  There's always something:  Finances, Work, School,  The Kids,  and unfortunately sometimes a combination of any of these.  June has taught me that life truly begins the moment I come through the door from work and spend those precious hours with our family.


 

Fun. Three simple letters, one huge, lifelong impact.  I used to live for my paycheck, now I live for the sound of her laughter, the boisterous rumbling of the...uh... boys?! I love being buried in an avalanche of hugs and kisses from everyone under the roof. I love family day, and the quiet romantic moments that we share while we watch our boys growing before our eyes. I love that our youngest says "You're in Public Yuck!!!" when we kiss, even if he has a wry little smile on his face when he says it.

                    


The impact of fun in our life is undeniable. Every day and in every way, fun seems to sneak in, even when we least expect it.  Even when I am stressed she is quick to come up with beautiful and outstanding ways to take my mind off of things... I mean who needs a vacation when you've got someone as beautiful and inventive as June is.

I'm sure you all remember  "The Spanking Game" well, I've got to hand it to June, the girl knows how to make  a fella smile (even when I don't want to)  In the past I've been known to be notoriously stodgy and something of a curmudgeon, but when I am around her my heart is lighter and her laughter heals the wounds of the day. And when we make love her joy an brightness fill me with a energy I have not known since the days of my youth, there is a lightness, a beauty that is hard to describe but we take a special joy in.



                                                                 


I would encourage  you to find that special level of beauty and laughter in your relationship. The years will fade and the flames of love will be nourished by the undying fuel of your laughter and companionship.

                                                  

Her POV:

Fun is undeniably a commodity in which a lot of people do not invest. We love to spend long summer afternoons filling water balloons for that 15 minute all out war on the lawn, or hose fun while watering or washing the car or the outside of the house. We can hold two screaming children at bay for ...what, Daddy, 15 minutes?

It doesn't have to involve money, just time, and love, making cookies, pizza, or seitan together. Wrestling matches on the floor, run by tickle fights (though I must tell you that Ward CHEATS! He is 6'4" and he has this massive arm span - think the little hawk in the Foghorn Leghorn cartoon that Foghorn plants his hand on Henry's head & holds him off when Henry tries to march in and fails - sigh).

Honestly I have laughed more in my time with Ward than I have in all the years of my life combined. We find joy in the smallest of things. And yes, I do look for ways to delight Ward and bring that absolutely delicious deep chuckle. And I like to be creative in finding fun ways to do things. And at the end of the day, there is nothing better than being a family pile on the sofa watching a show or movie or playing a game.