In 1961 Yale psychologist Stanley Milgram conducted an experiment on obedience. The purpose was to discover what circumstances led people to become complicit in the genocide initiated by Hitler and the Nazi party. His experiment produced results which provided insight into the mechanics of obedience. But it did not address the why of obedience. Obviously in Germany the whys of obedience were pretty straightforward, comply or you , your family, your children suffer the same fate. But in the Milgram experiment there was no ax over the head of the participants who were convinced that they were delivering excruciating series of shocks to other participants. And it left me to question why then comply.
This curiosity probably relates to the curiosity people feel when they wonder why a submissive person submits. But here too I see a large gulf. In the Milgram experiment there was no relation to the experimenter/authority, but the participants deferred to him, especially when he was in closer proximity. This is where I have a difficult time understanding obedience. There is nothing to be gained from obedience, and nothing to be lost in defiance. When the test is over, the relationship is dissolved. We had to write a paper on the experiment, and I had a really hard time to keep from discussing obedience in DD, D/s relationships. I find obedience much easier to understand in that context.
In our relationships we obviously have a relation to our authority. We find a person. We develop a deep trust in that person. We grant that person authority over us. We submit to that person. We are obedient to that person. Why? I can only answer from my perspective, but I'd sure love to hear some feedback from my friends in the community.
First let me say that I do not obey or submit out of fear. If I feared him I would not submit to him. When interacting with other people I am mindful that I represent him. And I conduct myself in ways that can bring him honor. When he makes a rule I am mindful that it was made for my betterment, and for our advancement and growth. When I consider my behavior, I consider what Daddy would find pleasing, whether there is an established rule or not because I know the direction he envisions for us. When we interact, I obey because he is my authority. He will never ask me to do something harmful or diminishing.
Why? Because it is intoxicating to yield to him and to feel his control. Because I enjoy making him proud. Because when I fill him with my submission and my obedience, I am filled by the look in his eyes, the softness of his gaze, the caress of his hand and his voice. I am filled by "You make me proud, little one". I am filled by, "You are my good girl." I am filled by, "You make it easy to be your Daddy." His touch, his words, his gaze, his caress, they are intoxicating to me. I get this sensation that we fondly call 'brain tickles'. I'd bet a lot it has to do with endorphins. He is the only one that can produce that sensation. And it cycles back to increased trust, and increased submission, increased pride, increased closeness. 
Very thought provoking. I can't add much to this, because you have my thoughts on obedience down.
ReplyDeleteNever out of fear and always out of trust. Monster makes it easy and when asked, my response is always...how could I not? And hearing the words "good girl" and "I'm proud of you." Those just ice the cake and make it even easier.
Wonderful post, sweetie. :)
Thanks! Yes, how could I not? His voice, his manner entice me to obey. And I have always been an icing girl. I say I'm proud to my children all the time, because it was something I wanted to hear, and I imagined it felt good. I never in my life heard it till Daddy told me, and he tells me often. And I was right - it feels extraordinary!
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ReplyDeleteI've noticed that, and I think it's pretty amazing. I think we catch crumbs of thought from each other, and they germinate and roll up into full blown posts after we get to ruminate. This one actually started, as I said as I was writing my psych paper, but I know it was fed but things I've read. Sometimes I read something and I can feel, even if I can't identify the thought - like a strawberry seed stuck between your teeth. And I wrestle to bring it out and examine it, and I can't quite get what is stimulating my thoughts. And then a little bit later, a thought splats fully formed into the middle of my vacant little brain, lol. I have lots of those as drafts, and when I can I pad them out.
DeleteI love that we have different takes, it helps us broaden our horizons, and deepen our submission - for me at least. And I know I have this community to thank for helping me stay connected to my submission while my Ward has been gone.
Ward says it is. We'll hae to get his perspective when he comes back!
Lets try that comment again - shall we:
ReplyDeleteI love that you said it was intoxicating to yield to him and his control. The other day I was thinking of that and the fact that this submission stuff is damn addicting, which is probably why a lot of us spend a lot of time begging for more.
I imagine the other side is addicting as well.
lol - I understood :) I replied above, lol.
DeleteThanks June... you are the best. ;)
DeleteAwww, thanks! You're pretty spiffy your ownself, Kitty!
DeleteWe are obedient because we love and trust them and because we know that sometimes we don't actually know what is best for us. Like a child who wants the oreo just because they were told they can't have it, we get that way as adults sometimes too. I like hearing that I did a good job at something and my submission makes it easier for him to recognize that I need to hear that.
ReplyDeleteI love Brain Tickles. That is a fitting description.
Thanks for reading, Kat. I think you hit on a couple of things. First of all, based on a biblical model of submission, women are more emotional, men are more level-headed and better able to make decisions. And for someone like me, who is a very childlike, it is a happy and secure place. The other thing - "my submission makes it easier for him to recognize that I need to hear that" - brilliant statement! Submission makes us softer, more vulnerable, we share more and when we express ourselves softly they listen much more attentively.
DeleteYes brain tickles are a huge favorite! And the loveliest thing, he says I give him brain tickles, too! (I guess that's what they call top-space)
Thanks, June, for another exceptional post. I often struggle internally with my desire to submit and obey. You and Ward set such a beautiful, healthy example. Thanks for sprinkling your magick around, because without your wisdom and encouragement, I wouldn't have been able to do this. I want to make my Daddy proud. I love him, and I want to be his good little girl. There I said it- sorry for any resulting tears in the time/space continuum.
ReplyDeleteROFL - no, no tears in the space-time continuum, but the books and toys and chachkies have stopped spinning around the room :-P I'm proud of you for saying it. It's an awesome feeling to be the source of someone's pride.
DeleteDo you listen to the radio program "Radiolab?" They recently did a segment of the show on the Milgram experiments and how people always only cite one of the experiments - complete with sound clips from the experiments themselves.
ReplyDeleteIt's a podcast.
Hi, Conina, yes, Milgram conducted many, though far less controversial experiments - he's actually pretty much the father of the "six degrees of separation" theory, and a lot of other lesser-know psycho-social experiments. There were also refinements done on his experiment in later years, where a dissenting voice was introduced, and obedience dropped.
DeleteStill the fascinating thing for me is that there was no social connection of any type, not casual, not emotional, nothing between the experimenter and the 'teacher'. And nothing compelling other than the experimenter being an authority figure (signified by the lab coat), and the import attached to the experiment when conducted at Yale, because of the credibility lent by the location (When the experimenter was in street clothes or the experiment was replicated in a run-down office bldg. obedience dropped). There was no relationship with the experimenter that existed outside of that clinical interaction, so why did they feel compelled to obey?
Yes, the recordings were actually prerecorded BEFORE the experiment, and cued by actions of the 'teacher', and they are pretty horrific. Thanks for that link, I had not previously heard of it.
Absolutely June!
ReplyDeleteYou described what mouse feels, especially more recently.
Hugs,
mouse
Thank you, mouse! It's so hard to put the feelings and emotions in words. It's lovely to have them affirmed!
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