Friday, June 8, 2012

I am a bundle of need



I need my Ward.
I need to be in his arms.
I need his scent.
I need his lips pressed to my forehead.   
I need his strength.
I need his smile.
I need the twinkle in his eye.
I need the 'I love you'.
I need the 'I'm proud of you'.
I need the flare of light that surrounds us.
I need to feel his control.
I need to to stand before him, to express my submission in ways that he finds pleasing.
I need to feel his eyes roaming across my body.
I need that breathless anticipation.
I need his hands on me.
And yes, ladies and gentleman, I am a spanko. I need to be across his lap.
 I need the good girls. (the correction, not so much, but hey, that's part of this life if earned).


I need his discipline. I need his firm and gentle hands to push the worry, frustration and hideous longing from my body. I need to feel his energy, his presence, sliding my pants to the floor, the pounding of my heart in my chest. I need his fingers to tilt my eyes to his. I need to see the warmth and love radiating from this being that I love with all that I am, and that I cannot believe that I have been blessed enough to deserve in my life. I need his voice, thick and sweet like honey soothing the deepest parts of my soul, "You need this, my love." I need his lips pressed to my forehead. I need the grace that comes only from bending to his will, in submitting all of who I am to this good man. I need his hands to guide me across his lap. I need his hands caressing, wordlessly speaking love and care. I need to feel him lean across my body to plant a kiss on my hip, my back, my shoulder, my neck, then a whisper, "This is not a punishment, but it will be firm, because that is what you need, and because I love you."



I need to feel his hands fervently, reverently tending to my needs, to his own needs, feeding us, filling us. I need the heat that he brings. I need the explosion of trust in my chest that I can lay my body, heart and soul bare to this man, and that he will raise me up and heal that which diminishes me. I need the pain that he gifts me to wash the hurt and the loneliness from my heart. I need to lose myself in him. I need him to open the gates that allow me to wash my burdens away on cleansing tears. Because he loves me enough to burnish me, to polish me, to turn me into something beautiful. Because he is my world, he is my heart and my soul and without him, I am incomplete.



      I need my Ward.




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13 comments:

  1. KatJune 8, 2012 at 9:57 PM

    That was really beautiful and I hope that Ward comes home both soon and safe.

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    1. JuneJune 8, 2012 at 10:13 PM

      Thanks very much, Changing the Rules. Me, too!

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  2. AnonymousJune 9, 2012 at 10:00 AM

    hugggsss June, i know exactly how you feel because i have felt that way soooooooo many times. i hope it helps to know that the overpowering need does diminish with time. When will you be with Ward again? another huggg for you. lily

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    1. JuneJune 9, 2012 at 10:14 AM

      Thanks, lily. He's due back by end of summer early fall. And if I'm very lucky I won't have to miss him this hard but perhaps once more. But I would wait any measure of time, because he is the part of me that I have been missing all of my life, because he fills me and completes me. I love him. I have never loved or been loved as completely, and never imagined that it was possible. He is my miracle.

      Delete
  3. faerie wingsJune 9, 2012 at 11:04 AM

    I haven't had much time to read lately, but I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing? I'm keeping both you and Ward in my prayers for his safe and speedy return to you.

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    1. JuneJune 9, 2012 at 11:14 AM

      Have you noticed how things like that go kind of in waves around the community? I've been busy with school & the beginning of summer for the boys. I try to catch up here & there. And if I can be honest, missing Ward lays heavily over that. Sometimes I feel totally uninspired. I've been blessed with a little inspiration in getting a surprise letter from Ward. And when that happens it's like coming up from a long submersion and being able to breathe sweet air again. I'm doing okay, hanging in. And his letter says he is too,and he misses me and that's a nice feeling to be missed.

      Thanks, friend. I'm waiting for that day, too :) Hope you're doing well & the reasons you don't have much time are happy ones.

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  4. SusieJune 9, 2012 at 5:23 PM

    Oh June, I can't even imagine how hard this must be. I can make guesses but two months is the longest we've ever been away from each other.

    Your words are so touching. You may not be able to tell us this but about how much longer till he is home?

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    1. JuneJune 9, 2012 at 7:31 PM

      He'll be home end of summer, early fall, nothing much more definite than that.

      Thanks, I feel him, I feel his influence, but his presence, his touch. I wake sometimes with the ghost of his scent in the air, and the ghost of his embrace. But the reality is s much sadder.

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  5. JuneJune 10, 2012 at 8:13 AM

    I'm just me, silly. But for some reason I have been blessed with - yes the One -my One. And I marvel and give thanks that somehow I am enough for him. My blessings in him are complete, and I dance in light that shimmers with joy and is alive.

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  6. ConinaJune 10, 2012 at 10:22 AM

    My feed reader had been acting up like crazy and only just updated to show me your posts.

    I have felt exactly like this. Once you've been with your One, any time apart from him is a misery of longing. I feel for you.

    I understand so much. I just hope the time speeds to your reunion.

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    1. JuneJune 10, 2012 at 11:21 AM

      Yes, all of Google, I think, they must be doing an update or something. I keep getting a 'Service Unavailable Error 503" on my own & other blogs, and have to refresh to see them. It's kinda annoying, lol.

      Thanks, Conina. He is my One. The mere thought of him fills me to bursting, it's so strong that it pulls tears from my heart. And yes, there is pain (emotional - the kind I hate) but it is very much the pain of longing. And the reunion will be sweet indeed. He is my forever.

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  7. MonstrsNightmareJune 10, 2012 at 5:21 PM

    Big hugs, Juniebug. You two are getting closer to his arrival. This sweet agony will make that reunion that much sweeter. Not that I think this pain you feel is a good, but once you have your limbs tangled with each other, it will all be worth the distance and time. More hugs for you. Here's to Ward coming home safe and sound and beating your booty red. ;)

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    1. JuneJune 10, 2012 at 6:15 PM

      Thanks, lil sweet dream :) Yes every day is a day closer to being back in his arms. It will make us stronger. Neither of us will let it weaken us. Yeah, can't wait :-P

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