tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8497106283340212317.post6143547711596213612..comments2024-01-02T10:58:06.466-08:00Comments on The Dish with Ward and June: DistancingJunehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03940211128244967387noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8497106283340212317.post-33916295832260060892012-09-13T15:29:51.342-07:002012-09-13T15:29:51.342-07:00or a big club @ June. :)or a big club @ June. :)movingonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14984246069627905845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8497106283340212317.post-42606163966497198022012-09-13T12:20:50.076-07:002012-09-13T12:20:50.076-07:00It does seem counter-intuitive, doesn't it, da...It does seem counter-intuitive, doesn't it, dancingbarez? But it closes the gap in short order. For me, it's that feeling of fading out of importance - I did say it was irrational, remember? :) But the fact that he cares enough to pull me back - says 'this is how much I love you' lets those irrational feelings poof back to the ether where they belong. <br /><br />I think an important thing happens here, in blogland. When we're weighted, we write. We have to consider things as we try to get them on 'paper'. Others share their experience and we begin to get a clearer view of our own triggers, and we learn strategies to identify when we start doing those damaging things. Or we figure out a way to initiate the communication that is the basis of our relationships. <br /><br />You're very welcome, and I hope it did!Junehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03940211128244967387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8497106283340212317.post-27226040921119415162012-09-13T10:53:34.155-07:002012-09-13T10:53:34.155-07:00Takes work - on both sides, movingon.Takes work - on both sides, movingon.Junehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03940211128244967387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8497106283340212317.post-55596519684481255682012-09-13T07:26:17.970-07:002012-09-13T07:26:17.970-07:00Yes, there are many of us out there that struggle ...Yes, there are many of us out there that struggle with the big D. I still do but not as much. It's crazy because when we first started this I thought there was no way on gods green earth that spanking for distancing would work. I thought it would actually push me in the other direction. With time we learned it would work....sometimes I had to be spanked longer than others for it to sink in but low and behold it did work. Eventually something even better happened...he told me how it made him feel and I took it to heart and now sometimes we can fix it with a talk, sometimes we can't and I find myself in that same old spot but its progress. Thanks June for bringing this up, I needed the reminder and I think you may have just saved me a trip over the knee. dancingbarezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05159330409168648147noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8497106283340212317.post-41360259220684474862012-09-12T20:41:24.551-07:002012-09-12T20:41:24.551-07:00I am married to a cave man. If he gets upset that ...I am married to a cave man. If he gets upset that I am distancing he pulls my hair and drags me back to him...seriously. I like your more subtle ways!movingonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14984246069627905845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8497106283340212317.post-59128457904761128632012-09-12T16:10:41.014-07:002012-09-12T16:10:41.014-07:00Thanks, Grace. That's the hardest thing for me...Thanks, Grace. That's the hardest thing for me, that I don't realize I'm doing it, not till he tells me. I didn't realize it last week, and I didn't realize it yesterday. Maybe the clue is when my brain starts spinning I should run a self check, or ask Ward. When I find myself shrugging and saying, "Oh well, it's not important", or "It doesn't matter anyway."<br /><br />The more I examine it, the more I think it is something so deeply ingrained, as a coping mechanism that kept me from getting hurt, that I don't even acknowledge it as something out of the ordinary. Ward is out of the ordinary - he is extraordinary. And it takes a while to find the roots of a deeply rooted issue and extricate it. But I think we have to find where it lives first. Maybe I'm getting to where the pesky little critter is harboring itself....hope so. Hope you find yours, too :)<br /><br />As much as I may sometimes be shaken by the self-honesty that blogging sometimes requires, the self-discovery and growth is good. I also enjoy the sense of community, the hands and help and encouragement. And I think we all help each other to grow a little bit over time. We may all have come from different places, some of us share common experiences, and our paths are all different, but this community has gifted me with many sisters. And I'm grateful for each of youJunehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03940211128244967387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8497106283340212317.post-64793030400035508492012-09-12T08:47:49.112-07:002012-09-12T08:47:49.112-07:00*big sigh* Well, this post really hits home for m...*big sigh* Well, this post really hits home for me. I used to tell Michael everything, there never used to be any distance between us. Then our life circumstances got busier, more hectic, more stressful and we were apart a lot more. The physical distance between us along with the circumstances we were going through lead to emotional distance between us and we lived that way for many years. In the past year we've been trying to change things with the help of ttwd, and emotional distancing is now a no-no. But, old habits die hard and like you, I don't always realize I'm distancing. I'm going to share this post with Michael and come back and reread it myself. Thanks for opening up about this and sharing it as it's something I struggle with as well and I could really see myself in different places in this post and that was eye opening.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8497106283340212317.post-21769809968135591302012-09-12T05:15:58.266-07:002012-09-12T05:15:58.266-07:00Aww, thanks, Stormy, that's so sweet of you to...Aww, thanks, Stormy, that's so sweet of you to say. It is sweet and he is my dear true love. <br /><br />I did have to link, silly, to let everyone know where the thought came from. We talked about that, too - that I find clarification from reading others' blogs. That's what reading yours did for me, lol. Which is why I linked back - your post was a talking point for us - and integral to my starting a deeper examination - which I sometimes hate - cause it's painful and I don't just mean to my bottom-line >.< I mean emotionally. <br /><br />Examining our failings never are, but it helps us grow, and that's the point. And that's another thing I love about this community we share. We help each other learn and grow & evolve. Your post was like a bop on the head - I wish you could have seen my face when I read it - you know those moments when everything stops, including your breath, everything seems to crystallize, the very air around you, dust motes suspended in perfectly glittery elevation, your thoughts - then that moment when you grasp the concept with a sigh and the world starts turning again on the axis of new understanding. <br /><br /> Junehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03940211128244967387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8497106283340212317.post-57959038730250272632012-09-12T04:14:55.005-07:002012-09-12T04:14:55.005-07:00Oh, Fondles, yes, retraining the brain is called f...Oh, Fondles, yes, retraining the brain is called for - and so very hard. And I don't know why, I have gladly eschewed so many other trappings of my former self and find it so hard to be vulnerable in that manner. I don't fear vulnerability, I - we - make ourselves extraordinarily vulnerable to our partners everyday. I don't think of the feelings that surround distancing as not wanting to be vulnerable, I see it as not wanting to be a burden - at least that's what I tell myself. Daddy doesn't see it that way, that's harder....and probably where the distrust comes in - ugh - not distrust of him - distrust of all who came before him. And that is not fair to him, and comes out expressed as distrust of him. Blech...told you I hate blogging some days...with it comes insight - sighJunehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03940211128244967387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8497106283340212317.post-90488443753948083322012-09-11T22:39:26.104-07:002012-09-11T22:39:26.104-07:00I'm glad to read this, it helps me to see how ...I'm glad to read this, it helps me to see how others think and how this manifests itself, but you didn't have to link me :) Thanks for doing that, and for providing more clarification.<br /><br />You don't want to see what I did after I wrote that post...arrrrgh. Ok, that's my next post. LOL.<br /><br />Your blog has a way of making me feel like life is sweet, true love and connection exists outside our own door. I'm glad to read it. Stormyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16673792378276047115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8497106283340212317.post-19033803477493928232012-09-11T22:36:11.940-07:002012-09-11T22:36:11.940-07:00oh you know, when i feel sad and lonely and physic...oh you know, when i feel sad and lonely and physically far away from BIKSS is when i shut down and distance myself too. this post is very meaningful for a lot of us i think... we're all quite guilty of this particular D crime. <br /><br />and you're right. it is probably WORSE for our men that we pull away. and in trying not to appear weak and needy we create a wall. I shall have to remember this more often. I don't know why i don't run to him... he hasn't let me down ever when I have. <br /><br />time to retrain the brain i suppose.Fondleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03538688586112598309noreply@blogger.com